F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Carla Show full post »
ValentinaGermania
December is a way to go but it might by needed to cancel that. Do you need to pay for that already or can you delay the decision?
Can you lock away all plastic bags so she has nothing to use for vomitting?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Carla
She has to stay with us after dinner for 3 hours until food is digested. No doors can be closed now or I’ll remove them

I need to start paying end of this month. I already sent the ED team an email with an update and asking about the trip

Im hoping Prozac will work fast!

Ill book my psychiatrist for next week to reach out for extra help. 

I feel helpless 
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ValentinaGermania
It is really a good idea to get help for yourself. You are not helpless and you can help her but you need to find that power in yourself.
"She has to stay with us after dinner for 3 hours until food is digested. No doors can be closed now or I’ll remove them"
That is the best strategy. Do whatever is needed. If she vomits in the night then sleep with her. If she vomits in the shower then no bathroom privacy at all. Vomiting must get impossible in your home, no matter what strategies are needed to achieve that.

If you need to start to pay for it this months and will not get the money back from an insurance (that is possible as mental health problems are often excluded) I would decide not to send her. BN is very serious and very hard to get rid off and to be honest it is not very probable that she will be in a good state to go there in December. Sorry for being so blunt.
I did not send my d to the graduation trip that was planned 9 months after diagnose and it was the best decision. She was sad about it then but today she says that it was the right decision and that she could not have managed to eat there alone. These trips are a high risk for relapse.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Carla
Thank you Tina. I don’t mind being told the truth as it is. You are right

She rate us. She just said that she want us to leave her alone
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Mamaroo
When my d was weight restored, it still took her mind months to even start to get better. Her school had a trip planned towards the end of the year, but we decided that even though she was WR and her state might be in a better state, we just wouldn't know. Luckily her friend also didn't go, so she didn't mind missing out on the trip. My d also said that we needed to leave her alone, over and over. It is just ED talking. Good luck with your appointment with the gynaecologist! 
Sending you lots oh hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
Carla wrote:
Thank you Tina. I don’t mind being told the truth as it is. You are right

She rate us. She just said that she want us to leave her alone


Your lovely d inside does not hate you. It is ED that hates you because he sees you fight him. Although it does not feel that way that is a good sign. We say here if you see the flak you are over the target!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Carla
Thanks everyone for the support. Like I said im taking with the nurse today. Her FD said the trip is almost a year away so I should be fine. She is doing good progress and she asked for help, I had no idea she had any problems
I’m also talking with the nurse and psychiatrist next week

enjoy your weekend 
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ValentinaGermania
Thanks for the update, Carla! Enjoy your weekend, too!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Francie
Hi Carla, Welcome to the forum, but I'm sorry you have to be here.

I am entering late in the game on the lock up food issue, but we found that locking up food just angered our daughter and made her feel like a criminal. Also, she saw it as a challenge and found ways to get to the food anyway. It was really a dysfunctional way to live for the length of time we chose to do it.

Now what we do is I shop daily (or near daily), and sometimes multiple times a day though I know that is not practical for most people. I make sure there's enough food in the house for her to eat. There is often enough food in the house for her to b/p on, also, but if she does that, we make her pay to replace it.The only thing we secretly lock away now is my husband's breakfast cereals so he has something to eat before work, but we quietly hide it so as to not make it obvious to our daughter that she is being deprived of food, or treated like a criminal. 

Our daughter is older, with a job, so she is able to pay for food she abuses. She drives, too, but has no car of her own. I often only allow her to take the family car for therapy, her job, and her school. She likes to food shop to replace the food she wastes through b/p behavoirs, but I tell her that I will buy the food, instead. I think it is too difficult for her to be in a grocery store -- too many temptations. 

Re: purging - I have had no luck eliminating that behavior (disaster!) but we have had some successes in reducing the secrecy and the severity.  What we are doing is asking her to limit her b/p sessions (I know -- that sounds completely insane!). And we have asked her to not bring food upstairs to her bedroom to b/p. She has to eat in the kitchen, out in the open. We don't hover but we will ask her how long she needs, we ask her to delay it if she can when she first feels the urge, we ask what brought it on and if we can help her. Often, though, she's cranky during a binge so we mostly leave her alone/ignore her. 

One thing I have to remember to do is to notice the other things she does, and not focus so heavily on the b/p. behaviors. For instance, my d is very proud of her job, so I ask her about the things she does at work each day. She likes gardening, so I talk with her about that and notice her beautiful plants. She loves her pets and I like to tell stories about what her dog has done while she's been away or sleeping, and I fuss over her other pets. 

I hope you find some of this helpful, and I am glad you found the forum though I am sorry you have to be here. XO

Francie

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Carla
Thank you Francie 

We talked with her and she is ok with licking the food at night. She wants to get better and she knows she needs help. We keep her with us after dinner for at least one hour. She doesn’t like but she understands it’s better for her

I talk with her about her make up, her beauty products, clothes and other teenager stuff

Our family sessions start on the 2nd. I’ll be more confident once it starts. I just feel lost right now
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Francie
Hi Carla, That is all hopeful news for you...she's okay with locking the food....she wants to get better...she knows she needs help....she doesn't like it but she understands it's better for her. This is great. Best of luck. You're on the right track! XO

Francie

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Carla
Thanks Francie! 😊
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