F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Determined2help
Hi everyone,
I wander if anyone has any experience of having moved overseas for work and ED presenting a while later in your child?
We moved away for work and at first my daughter was quite enthusiastic but she v quickly became homesick. I can't help but feel that this has somehow contributed to the ED. I see it as sort of wrapped up in a package with anxiety surrounding it if you see what I mean!
Howecer I know that going home would mean I can devote less time to get because the job I have here requires far fewer hours. We also greater financial means to support services etc.
It's set I hard knowing what to do. What if we return and it's not helped. But what if it does? I feel that I want to try everything I can to help her but I don't know what that looks like anymore.
There's no specialised services here either, we're in South East Asia, and back in NZ the teen mental health situation is not fantastic either. 
Any ideas will be so welcome. 
Thanks again. 
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Foodsupport_AUS
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We moved away for work and at first my daughter was quite enthusiastic but she v quickly became homesick. I can't help but feel that this has somehow contributed to the ED. I see it as sort of wrapped up in a package with anxiety surrounding it if you see what I mean!


I think you are absolutely right that anxiety is behind this. Eating disorders of course are anxiety based illnesses, and it is likely that your D's coping skills may have been affected by the move. I also understand your anxiety about whether you should stay in place or move back home. 

Of course we can't really tell you what to do. 

We have had a number of parents over the years who have had their child get ill whilst in a foreign country. Some have stayed in place and others have returned home. Things I would consider would be - how well are you managing to re-feed her. Is her weight continuing to go up. Has she got her period back. Your profile suggests you have been at this for a year - are you moving forward, even if slowly? 

If you are struggling with re-feeding what resources would there be for hospitalisation where you are, in NZ. Can you get more family supports in NZ? 
Having the time and resources to care for your daughter are really important, but if things are not changing something needs to be tweaked. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Determined2help
Thanks so much did your reply.

Well its been over a year, you're right. I guess now I have a counsellor helping and we've addressed some gastro issues. That has helped a lot and so I'm hopeful that the tiny gains of late will increase.

I'm not sure what is available here other than regular hospital care. But, yes that's something I've been thinking about.

Feeding is kind of ok. She's managed to carefully, slowly train me, the one who is supposed to be in control being controlled! I'm learning more and more how to identify ED and how to cope. It's a fighter for sure and when I recognise it it's almost easier to stand my ground because my girl is in there somewhere saying fight for me. 

Thank you 

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PurpleRain
Sorry I can't really say much except we did it almost on our own, granted in my own country (with no FBT around, mostly old school views which is why I stayed away from "help", later I found an FBT pediatrician, many many hours away, but is a relief to be able to speak and write to her).I think having more time is important so you can supervise everything you need for as long as you need. I had that advantage too (VERY flexible half time job).
Hope you get the support you need in this forum, it has been a life line to me!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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