F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

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Hibiscus
Hi, thought I would share this. I am currently undergoing treatment for skin cancer. My face has blistered and is bright red and my brow, nose, eye sockets and cheeks are swollen and distended. Even my tear ducts have disappeared. I look hideous and when I go out I wear sunglasses and a hat pulled low and try to avoid looking up, avoiding social occasions etc. I have and still am feeling very sorry for myself, embarrassed and upset.
Then I reflected on my d situation. For nearly a year she has felt she looks fat, disgusting, etc etc. sometimes not wanting to go out, afraid she will see someone she knows and they will think bad things about her. You get the drift.
My situation is temporary but hers has been going on for so long now and she really believes these horrible things about herself. I have been crying in my realisation of how awful this is for her . Very grounding and a Big lesson for me. Have a new depth of compassion for her.
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Enn

Wow, that make a lot of sense to me. When in her shoes even a little bit, we can see and feel how hard it really is. It does make you think. It is so sad how they feel and we can't make it better so easily.
Thanks for sharing. 

I hope you are doing ok, yourself and my best wishes to you for a smooth recovery.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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atdt31_US
Great post.  Hope all goes well with your treatment and sorry for all you (both) are going through.  
Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth.  UPDATE:  July 2019 diagnosed with PANS. Dr. said likely started first PANS episode at less than 1 or 2 years of age.  On long-term daily prophylactic antibiotics. BMI now about 16 after period of intense refeeding prior to PANS dx,  followed by stagnation as we sort out what is next. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
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Hibiscus
Thanks scaredmum andatdt31,
The most amazing thing is how compassionate she has been towards me, reassuring me and telling me I don’t look that bad. Even when she is incredibly stressed herself. She is one phenomenal kid.
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kazi67
Hibiscus
Sorry to hear you are feeling poorly and hope you are feeling better soon and yes ED puts our precious kids thru hell thats for sure
So good to hear that your d is feeling for u, it’s truly lovely when they can do that
My d when so ill herself would get so upset, as I was so worried about her and she could actually see the toll it was taking on me and tried even harder herself to beat the demon
It so sweet to see that they are able to have compassion for us

Sometimes when my d was feeling down I would remind her there is always someone worse off than her (but not negating her pain, or anyone’s for one minute)
Our friends son was in a car accident,
19 paralysed from the waist down [frown] permanent - so very tragic and sad

I also work with special needs children and their and their families journeys are heartbreaking too
And usually permanent
the hope with ED is it IS temporary!!!
It will pass!!!
We won’t let it win!l
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Torie
Hibiscus, what a poignant post.  It really leaves me at a loss for words.  Although I'm really sorry that you and your d are in your situations, it's great that you were able to find this silver lining.  It's indeed difficult to have any idea what's going on in their minds.

I hope you heal quickly - please keep us posted. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
Hibiscus,
you are completely right. And I raise my hat that you can see these things and that you share them with us in this difficult situation.
I hope you will be o.k. soon, please tell us soon how you are.
I am sending a big hug for recovery
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
It is strange how life goes on and keeps on giving us challenges. One would hope we get a lot of get-out-of-jail cards because we are dealing with ED. I hope you recover quickly from skin cancer (I had that as well, but only on one place and it was hard getting through this, so I have a lot of sympathy for you). Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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