F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Faddywrite
Have been allowing my d to help me cook a little up until now as she was grudgingly accepting the fact that I wasnt weighing the peas etc (she worries she wont get enough veg vitamins etc).But on Friday I was preparing to cook macaroni cheese, which she did love but now hates cos its calorific, when I noticed the butter I had weighed had disappeared..I looked around and my dauggter was standing scraping chunks of it into the bin!! She has never done anything like this and it scared me although I was also trying not to laugh as she did it so obviously! Anyway now that we are properly adding extra oil butter etc we both decided she is not allowed to be in the kitchen at all.
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Pingu
My d has said she finds it stressful to be around meal prep and feels like AN guilt if I tell her what to eat and don’t involve her
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Ocras68
Oh my goodness faddywrite. Now you have made the right decision in my opinion. The ED sufferer should not be in the kitchen at all, apart from to eat if that’s where the table is! I won’t let my daughter help me unpack the shopping, get stuff out of the fridge for cooking, have any say in ingredients, anything. It’s just too triggering and stressful, and opens the door for futile tormented discussion and negotiation. Many sufferers have said afterwards (or even at the time) that it was actually a huge relief when they weren’t allowed any part in food preparation any more. Choices are agony for someone with AN.

You’re in charge now. Back to the 50s and the old-fashioned way of serving up food (my theme at the moment). Good luck. Xx
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Mamaroo
So glad that you saw that one, well done!

One time I was busy and asked d to butter the bread rolls. When she was done, I noticed that the rolls had a super thin layer of butter on them - had to redo them all. So now I also exclude my daughters from cooking.  Can she help you in other ways? I get them to wash the dishes after dinner so that I can spend some time with my hubby. 

Ocras68, we do the same, I plate everyone's meals like in the 50's :-))))
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
Best decision ever here and Nr. 1 on nearly every FBT to-do-list. [wink]
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Faddywrite
Mamaroo wrote:
So glad that you saw that one, well done!

One time I was busy and asked d to butter the bread rolls. When she was done, I noticed that the rolls had a super thin layer of butter on them - had to redo them all. So now I also exclude my daughters from cooking.  Can she help you in other ways? I get them to wash the dishes after dinner so that I can spend some time with my hubby. 

Ocras68, we do the same, I plate everyone's meals like in the 50's :-))))



Thanks Mamaroo, I am still feeling  a bit shocked as have never seen her throw any food away until now. She knows I am adding butter and yesterday joked tht she would throw it away again, so I have to sit her down and tell her that for her own well being no more helping in the kitchen and that she can completely trust us.
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ValentinaGermania
They do a lot of things during AN you would NEVER have thought they will do. That is the disease. Their brains are not working any more. That is why you cannot trust her at the moment.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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