F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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joanne34
Hi, 

We have been re-feeding our 13 year old daughter since Nov.  When she was diagnosed she was 44kg then over a couple of months she dropped to 41kg but, with an adjustment in her meal plan, she has gained and is back at 44kg.  Hopefully this will continue.  Last weekend it felt things were changing for the better, we had smiles, some laughs and warm feet in bed.  However, that all changed on Monday and we are back to high anxiety which has increased again today to the extent she was sobbing while eating.   She did finish all of her meal and her pudding but it is heart breaking seeing her like this.   It feels like we made a step forward and then 5 backwards.   I absolutely hate this condition!!!    I just want her well again and this week has made me feel so low.   I hope this is fairly normal and hopefully things will get a bit better again.  I thought it might just be anxiety part with needing to eat due to her metabolism increasing and trying to deny herself eating or feeling guilty.  For the first time tonight there was a real hesitation about eating which again was worrying to see.   Fortunately she did finish her meal.
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Enn

I would like to reframe here. She is gaining and she is eating DESPITE the anxiety. To be honest this is good. They need to feel awful. That  is part of the metamorphosis. 

I know that it sounds off. 
please refer to the Kartini clinic blog about learning to tolerate our children’s distress. You can hold onto the good feelings for her. Telling her things will get better may help. 

Also when you think about it, the anxiety and upset really is out of proportion to the fact that she is upset about eating. It really is an upside down world with ED. Food cannot and will not hurt her. It is sad that they feel that way, but take a step back and look at it as part of the process. 

🌳

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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VC
A quick search didn’t turn up anything for “Kartini clinic blog” you referred to...are you able to guide us?
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Enn
For sure @VC, here you go.
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/tolerating-our-own-childrens-distress/
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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VC
Thank you!
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PurpleRain
It is excruciating, it helped me to make a calendar (Valentina suggested this) with red, yellow and green day's depending on  D's mood, so I could visualise that things were getting better with more yellow and eventually green and less red. It was really until 5 months WR (back to her growth curve and some extra cushion) that things were consistently better
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Torie
Ugh.  This vile illness is the worst.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.  Enn is correct about the positives; sucks that there is never any way to know what tomorrow will bring.  Please keep us posted. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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joanne34
So just to double check......all of this is definitely pretty normal for the condition?  
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Enn
Yes absolutely! This is normal and expected. If she were calm and happy I would worry that ED was up to some tricks!🌼
Really truly this is normal. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn

Just wish to add the trajectory is not at all linear and upwards.  It goes up and down a bit or a lot at times, but when you look back you will see the gains and improvement .

it does get better.🌷

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
You said it all changed on Monday. Can you find out what was different on Monday?
We had such meltdowns and steps backwards often after a day when meals were delayed a bit of snacks not at the regular time or we did change anything else in our normal schedule or after fear food day. Any of that happened on Sunday or Monday?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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