F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scarlett81 Show full post »
Scarlett81
Tooth fairy thank you so much!  I appreciate everyone's advice and support, but it is really important for me to hear about how other boys have managed recovery.

I know that my s was eating way more than 3000 calories when he was well at 13.  And he was always slim, small and naturally on the go, clearly a kid with a high metabolism.  So that's not going to change.

I'm interested to hear that your s's calorie intake needs to remain high. It makes complete sense to feed a growing teenager as much as possible!

I'm also very keen to hear about your parting company with your team.  Did you stop the therapy, the weigh-ins with them, everything?  My gut tells me my team is doing more harm than good, but I'm reluctant. I keep thinking maybe the high quality therapeutic sessions will start soon... but maybe they will just continue to be useless!  If you don't mind, I'd love to hear how you did this side of things.

As we speak I can hear the floorboards creak upstairs.  Pacing... 
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Scarlett81
Thanks tooth fairy.

Here in the UK the therapy is free via camhs service, so to ditch them means giving up free, state funded support, and paying for private sessions.  

They have offered some CBT once he is "weight restored" (So only 5 weeks to go by their calculations!! 😂).

But it empowers me to know that as parents we have what is needed to do this.  There are issues that need to be dealt with, sure.  This was triggered by a specific traumatic hospital stay linked to a separate long term medical condition.  CBT is needed.  But the feeding and the talking about weight, I will be his lead person.  

Thanks everyone for your advice, and the great threads.  My weekend reading is set up!
#wecandothis
#warriorparents
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Scarlett81
Tooth fairy, thanks

Yes, I just finished this book, a really good, straightforward read.  (I'm a bit of a Hermione Granger - when in doubt buy a book...)
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deenl
Hi Scarlett81,

I am exactly the same! I have a whole library of ED books. One I loved was Decoding Anorexia by Carrie Arnold.

My son got ill when he was 12 and he is now 16. He has never been a proper weight for height because he keeps growing! I am always behind the curve; whenever I up his calories he simply grows quicker! He is now at the highest height percentile he has ever in his life been. He never had a great appetite so I think he was always slightly undernourished and that stunted his growth somewhat. He is on 3,500 to 4,000 calories a day, four years on.

His older brother is 80-85 height percentile and always ate like a horse and grew like a weed. Stereotypical teenage boy. I expected the same for son no.2 but his appetite never kicked in and I think that negative energy is what lead to ED. He is now nearing 70th height percentile having been 55-65 all his life. Son No 3 was always 50th height percentile. Since he is eating more nutritionally dense food (we all are!) he has grown to the 85th percentile too. He also has no reliable hunger cues. He got very anxious around Dec/Jan - like meltdowns on the floor anxiety. When I weighed him I found he had lost 2kgs in 3 weeks. I made him finish all his meals, he got back on his weight curve and the anxiety went away. I found that really interesting. 

From the Kartini Clinic's excellent blog post on Determining Ideal Body Weight 
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 Do not consider your child "done with gaining weight" until they are done with height growth or until they have had normal periods for two years (if a girl) or are shaving (if a boy).


My son's puberty was totally delayed for at least 2 years so although he is 16 there is no sign of needing to shave although there are thankfully other signs of puberty. I weigh all 3 boys roughly every 2-4 weeks and do not plan to reduce his calories until his growth has reached a plateau. As it is he can lose weight incredibly fast whenever I take my foot off the pedal.

Keep up the good work,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Scarlett81
Deenl

That is so interesting.  My 15 yo, although showing some signs of puberty, is way behind most of his peer group.  We think the AN started creeping in around 18 months ago so that may explain why.

Right now I'm struggling to increase beyond 3000 without introducing fear foods.  He is still very against eating and needs encouragement for every mouthful.  Snacks he is only managing liquid so I am doing latte decaf coffees with double cream and a blended fruit smoothie with added ground almonds and canola oil.

School holidays have started today so it may well be time to try and introduce some more calorie dense foods.  Any more oil in that smoothie and my secret will be busted!!!

Would love to increase to 3500 as he will be active over the summer.  Need to find some bake recipes that look super healthy but can have hidden calories!  
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ValentinaGermania
Here it helped to put some fruit on every cake on top "for the eyes"...🙂

They are often behind in emotional development and often cannot cope socially with their peers because of high intelligence/giftedness/some autistic behaviour (often pre AN). My d is 19,5 on paper but mentally/intelligence related about 23-25 and emotionally about 13 I think...hard to cope with that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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