F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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My 14d, diagnoses with anorexia 7 weeks ago. Using FBT her weight is up 12 lbs. she eats everything I give her, never fights about it. She continues to have anorexic thoughts. But she had completely cut off all contact with friends, if we run into anyone she only says ‘hi’ in a whisper, never engages anyone not even her father or sister. She will talk to me, but now less and less, and usually in a whisper. Does speak to therapist if asked direct question. Mostly I read about children fighting, yelling and refusing to eat. I read about kids still hanging with friends. My d only wants to be home, with me, watching tv. I know none of it is normal, will this get better?
Welcome to the forum. Sorry you had to find your way here. Yes this is normal. Each kid with ED is different. We never had fighting, screaming, throwing of food. We just had tears in silence and refusing to eat along with total isolation from others. My D also had a very ED voice, when she was at her sickest she had a tiny voice, barely a whisper. I now realise that in part it was the best she could do in trying to speak above the constant ED noise in her head. My D got sick at 13, I ended up organising social events and outings for her till she was nearly 16. She was incapable of organising anything for herself, she was too ill. I organised meet ups and activities for her so there were positive things happening in her lives. I made sure they did not revolve around food and were pleasurable without excessive activity involved. Days at the zoo, ice skating, hanging out at the mall with friends, movies, crafting lessons and jewelry making. Generally a few hours were all that she was capable of. This allowed my D to keep in touch with friends that she may have lost to ED and she still has a number of good friends who has seen her through her darkest times. 

It does get better at 21 she has lots of friends, I barely see her. Her mental health is strides ahead of where it was. My D was a very tough case, she required numerous hospitalisations as she just could not eat at home - so hats off to you about the weight gain so far. I am sure you will see your D coming back soon. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hi fishy,
a very warm welcome from Germany in this forum nobody wants to be member of! Great that you found us here, you will get a lot of help here. It is so good to talk to someone who knows what you are talking about...
The behaviour of your d is not normal, but totally normal for ED patients. And yes, it will get better.

My d isolated herself totally from everything, too. She spoke so whispering that I hardly understood her. She was with us 24/7.
If she eats everything at the moment, try to calm down a bit and save your power for the fights that will come. Some start fighting near WR (we call that extinction burst here). If she is too compliant with everything, check if she is purging or exercising secretly. That might be the case if you do not see ED fighting at all.

Give her some time and then start to get her back into life. Get her out of the house. Try to arrange meetings with friends (cinema, zoo, something not food related). Encourage her to start a new hobby. Is she in school at the moment?

The voice will get normal again but you will realise it first weeks after she starts to speak normal again...[wink]
Today one year after WR my d lives a normal teenager life again. She speaks with a normal voice, is singing and making music again (that too stopped totally in the dark days) and goes out with friends. She has just finished school and there are only a few ED struggles left we are still fighting to get 100 % recovery.

You will get her back. The medicin is food, food and food. Get her WR and try to tackle fear food so that she can eat at least everything she ate before ED. The rest needs time. Brain recovery starts about 4-6 months after WR and needs at least a year I would think today. It is a marathon, not a sprint.
Ask whatever you need, here are always nice parents around nearly 24/7.

Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you, it so helps to hear from others who have gone or are going through this. It is all so bewildering. 
Hi Fishy

During refeeding my d loved nothing more just to sit on the bed in her room. She would only talk to one friend who knew her before ED. I organised so many playdates with that friend (she had a sister who had leukemia, so knew how to treat my d as if nothing was wrong - great friend!). After her weekly hospital appointments I dragged her to the shops or the park, any pretext to get her out of the house. She started to get better closer to WR and was her old self 6 months after WR. Your d will get there.

Good luck!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww