F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
Hello all!
 
We are plugging along here and I have one question in regards to water. My D has always drank water. She never, even way before ED, drank pop or juice or milk. Since refeeding she has done well at incorporating juice and pop but not much. She really only likes water and I can only get her to drink maybe half a non water beverage with food.

We live on this time when water is best etc etc. Most of her peers walk around with water etc.

Would I rather she drink juice and pop? Yes. But if she only drank water since a kid can I be more flexible? My D just feels better when she drinks water. 
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Enn

I guess for me, it would be important to be able to drink pop, juice milk, chocolate milk, hot chocolate, tea, coffee etc whenever she wants it and NOT feel any guilt. If there is guilt, or upset  then that is ED and it may need to be tackled. My d only wanted water and it was ED. Now she only drinks caloric drinks and water is had as required too. 
My d's friends also walk around with a H2O bottle so I bought her one that is not transparent and it carries her juice.
Only you know what her normal is and how strongly you wish to challenge it. It is  so personal a decision.
What is your gut feeling about this?

 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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workingthrough

I agree with Enn in every way. It’s important she can drink those things without guilt and ED thoughts. 

One addl. question, how much water is she drinking a day? Do you monitor a bit?

Sometimes you’ll see abnormal water drinking associated with ED’s. Scary high amounts. Just a random thing to take note of as well. 

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Scaredmom2019
Thank you.  My gut feeling is that it is not ED...but I also want her to drink other stuff. This is SO hard when we are in a time where water is the only way! 
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Scaredmom2019
Workingthrough-

Yes!! When I first caught on it was because she was drinking a TON of water. Like way too much. It is nowhere near that now. Maybe a 8oz glass of water sipped on through dinner and other meals. It is not a large amount. She reports that food feels better and doesn't upset her stomach as much when she sips water. 
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Enn
This is SO hard when we are in a time where water is the only way! 

I am not clear on what this sentence means?
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Scaredmom2019
No one really drinks pop anymore. At least not in my area. Many places dont even offer it...schools no longer have it vending machines etc 
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workingthrough

It’s so good that she’s not drinking excessively any longer - such scary things with water intoxication. 

 

I’d keep monitoring but also really try to work with her on exposure therapy - trying all of the foods as well as all of the drinks. 


My s has always been pretty picky/rigid with eating, pre-ED days. One of the tiniest blessings (if you could even say that), of this ED business is that we’re just making him try all.of.the.foods. Same with drinks. It might not be a favorite, or even “okay”, but it’s just a matter of trying everything, yk? and keeping it in a semi-regular mix. 


I’d keep pushing a bit with her. Hot chocolate, Gatorade, chocolate milk, juices, icees, smoothies, milkshakes - I know it’s exhausting. I need to be better keeping things rotating as well. 

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Enn

Oh yes that is the case here too.
I will share a  story with you. There was a boy  in d’s class grade 7 age 12. D took juice to school for her lunches and that is what SHE needs for HER body. He publicly shamed her about juice being bad and too much sugar. 
D told him that everyone has different needs and she needed juice, and spoke to the teacher about it. The teacher ( I love her) who knows about d and AN, used that moment to teach the class that every body has  different needs And that it is no one’s business what someone brings for lunch. I agree with that  for age 12 or age 80+.  l understand the obesity/ diabetes epidemic as to the reasons why there have been changes in school, but when your child has a medical illness ,  like peanut/food allergies/intolerances what works for the masses may not for the individual. 

I know you know this and I know the conflict we have due to societal norms.  I had to confront my view of health / food/ diet/ with respect to ED and WOW, things have changed in my brain. Not easy though.

 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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PurpleRain
We were the same, my d rarely if ever drank milk or pop, I never did either since I was a kid, but I can if there is no other option. We usually drink water or mineral water. We do occasionally drink juice, and hot chocolate and me and h drink coffee. So it didn't come naturally at all to ask her to drink any of this, what I did was to add orange juice to her mineral water, or honey and lemon. Sometimes a hot chocolate if it's cold enough (rarely). I make her a latte (with added canola oil), and when we go to the cinema, if my s asks for a pop soda I say yes (never before), so very "naturally" I ask her to have a sip or 2 and now she asksvl for some if there is no other option. I want her to be flexible, but it wasn't essential for refeeding in our case. Where we live it's normal to drink flavored water (lemon or orange juice with water and a bit of sugar for example), we didn't normally in our house but now I prepare some once in a while. We usually eat at my FIL once a week, and they always have flavored water with lots of sugar and now she drinks it with no problem. So as with everything else, I guess it's different for everyone. She still has a yogurt/milk/cream smoothie every morning so she gets enough milk and she doesn't mind (too much). last weekend we went away and she had a milk chocolate for breakfast (because for the first time since ed, we went away without a blender yey!). She was not particularly happy about it (she honestly has never liked it) but she did it, and last night she had (happily) a hot chocolate. Sorry for the long answer, I hope some of it helps.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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debra18
Calorie beverages are a good way to get in extra calories without adding extra food.
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atdt31_US

Perfect timing!  We start school again after the holiday break and my d got a new water bottle for Christmas.  It is stainless steel so, just a few hours ago  my other daughter said she won't be allowed to use it ... they need to be clear and not even a colored transparent is okay.  I rolled my eyes and said I'd get her doctor to say she can have it (she gets orthostatic from dehydration).  Then I asked, thinking it was rhetorical, "why do they require clear ... what are they afraid of, alcohol?"  My daughters' immediate answer, in stereo, was JUICE or POP.  Yikes.    The saddest part is I could absolutely get medical approval for my underweight d to drink caloric beverages from her bottle, but like yours, she has always only liked water.  We focused over this break to try to get her to drink at least one pop per day ... my texting history with her looks absurd to the unfamiliar:  be sure to drink your pop; don't forget to get ice cream; etc. 

Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth.  UPDATE:  July 2019 diagnosed with PANS. Dr. said likely started first PANS episode at less than 1 or 2 years of age.  On long-term daily prophylactic antibiotics. BMI now about 16 after period of intense refeeding prior to PANS dx,  followed by stagnation as we sort out what is next. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
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Scaredmom2019
All great answers. Appreciated! I should add that she drinks a Naked (fruit drink) every morning and loves Bubble Tea and such. So shes not afraid of caloric drinks but she prefers water with her food. Im going to.keep pushing caloric drinks with food. Even if she drinks half.

I agree it's a great way to add calories without more food!
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Scaredmom2019
Atdt -.me too!
Im texting about food all day. Ha!
I have been successful with about a half a can of Sprite per day thus far and also some apple juice with dinner. We will keep at it 🙂 and I agree they ALL carry water bottles around. My daughter wouldn't dream of anything but water in that- and I might let it go so long as we do caloric drinks with meals ...she will have a Sprite and water at dinner! She just prefers the water. 
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Torie
I always like to see them drink milk for the calcium + vitamin D.  

I can't remember where you are on the food re-normalization, but perhaps you could sometimes offer a choice of (milk instead of water) or (some sauce or food she says she doesn't want).  For example (milk + 1 cookie) or (two cookies and no milk). xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Her historic likes are important, particularly if they come from a place of not being ED. We are a family that  has never had much juice or soft drink around, special treats.D did drink a daily milk when she was young - till about 10 or so. When at her most ill she was expected to have a certain amount of dairy per day - as has been mentioned for bones, and as a good source of phosphorous for rebuilding damaged tissues. This could be milk but cheese for example is a reasonable alternative. As Torie has said, if it is a way of restricting calories it is not OK. If it is truly a preference then fighting it will always be a strain. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
We have a rule here, no water with meals or snacks, the rest of the day she can drink water.
ANY restriction is not o.k. with AN. Even if she restricted her whole life up to now. It is not normal for a child to only drink water.
Milk and juice are important for vitamins and calcium as well. And it should be possible to accept a soft drink now and then (at a sleepover or McD).
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
atdt31_US wrote:
said she won't be allowed to use it ... they need to be clear and not even a colored transparent is okay.  I rolled my eyes and said I'd get her doctor to say she can have it (she gets orthostatic from dehydration).  Then I asked, thinking it was rhetorical, "why do they require clear ... what are they afraid of, alcohol?"  My daughters' immediate answer, in stereo, was JUICE or POP. 


That is so ridiculous, if you would fill in Sprite instead of water they would not recognize it even in a clear bottle...
Next step is that they pay a guy who tastes all food they eat like in middle ages?
I remember a mum that told me her d came home crying because her mom had given her a sandwhich with jam on it for school snack and the teacher said to her that her mum does not seem to love her as she gave her that unhealthy snack...we had chocolate cream and pops for school snack and we only drank pops the whole day in the 70s and we survived!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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greekdude
Our S loads quite a lot of water unfortunately . In the IP they give him 1.5Lt/day but with us he drinks water a lot.
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atdt31_US


That is so ridiculous, if you would fill in Sprite instead of water they would not recognize it even in a clear bottle...!


or vodka. Lol. 
Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth.  UPDATE:  July 2019 diagnosed with PANS. Dr. said likely started first PANS episode at less than 1 or 2 years of age.  On long-term daily prophylactic antibiotics. BMI now about 16 after period of intense refeeding prior to PANS dx,  followed by stagnation as we sort out what is next. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
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ValentinaGermania
greekdude wrote:
Our S loads quite a lot of water unfortunately . In the IP they give him 1.5Lt/day but with us he drinks water a lot.


Try to stop that at home too. Same rules as in IP.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Scaredmom2019
All great feedback. Today I just asked D to finish her juice at lunch. It takes way longer than the actual food and it's a small glass. I asked her why and she just said I dont want it. I'm not sure if it is ED entirely but I know I'll be pushing for more caloric drinks with food. 

As i said she is pretty good with smoothies, bubble teas etc on their own so we'll keep plugging away! 
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workingthrough
You’re doing great - keep hanging in there! 
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kkhrd
My D and my son never liked soda bubbles and rarely drank juice as babies, my son can drink chocolate milk at every meal, but my daughter never liked it, she basically went from breast milk to water even though I tried whole milk many times.  That being said when her doctor told her she needed to drink juice or milk at meals to get in the required calories she put up a fight. She was still very entrenched in ED thoughts at the time, so it was a struggle, but we managed to find something that she would drink.  She is currently in recovery and still prefers water, but she willingly goes and gets a full glass, to the tippy brim, of lemonade at meals, not because she wants it, but because it has become the fabric of her recovery and she knows she needs it.  I think the question you need to ask yourself is, is this her preference, or ED?  If she has always preferred water, but will still drink juice, milk or soda when required, I don't think you should worry.  If she previously drank those things before ED but is refusing them now under the guise of preference then I think you need to challenge that.  

As you said, keep plugging away.  You are doing great!
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Scaredmom2019
Thank you!!

I think its both a preference but also a little ED... society has really made water the only "healthy" choice to drink. Pop and juice are often seen as awful. This the juxtaposition we find ourselves in with ED. My D does want to be healthy. She is aware that a ton of pop or juice is not good for you (we are all bombarded by this message daily). She struggles with being "unhealthy" when all her life, way before ED, she tended to pick healthier food options. So having a piece of cake and a large cookie everyday is not normal for her....ever. I actually get that. It literally doesn't feel good. Just because she has ED doesnt negate her desire to take care of her body- like not eating mass amounts if sugar daily. 
This is where we try to balance. Eating more, drinking sugary liquids, while still putting "good" things in her body. And we all have been told that a lot of water is essential to good health. Pretty hard to undo that message.

Today she came down for her breakfast snack. She got it herself! I said I was impressed with her self-care. I asked if she was actually hungry- she was not but she knows she needs something in her before school so she went ahead and got it going before I did. It is SO wonderful to see some leave of responsibility being taken on. I think the same will happen with drinks. Im hoping she can learn that having one or two caloric beverages a day, in addition to water, is essential.for her overall well being. 
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