F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Bobs

What a baffling disease this is! My daughter (now 15) started restricting (as far as we are aware) in January this year. We found out at the end of March and after initially being more concerned with SH and suicidal thoughts started with ED CAHMs at the beginning of June with diagnosis of restricting AN in July.
Since then we have only managed to get approx 3 kgs on her and her WFH is currently 82%.
She eats what we give her quietly and sadly with minimum fuss. At the start she cried while eating and took a few hours for each meal but has now speeded up. We have increased meals and weight has dropped.  Yesterday at CAHMs she admitted to not eating her unsupervised break at school and removing cheese and butter from her sandwiches before her supervised lunch. She also has been secreting small nuts etc from supper in her clothing. Mentally her form has been good since resuming meals and snacks under close supervision and I think we’ve been lulled into a false sense of security while making little to no progress.
I get so much information from this forum but my daughter is quite different in temperament from a lot of your children but she is still as sick. Has anybody else had a child like this?
I’m thinking of keeping her off school until the New Year to concentrate fully on refeeding and try to get the weight up. She seems happy with this plan as she tells me she doesn’t feel safe in school as there is not the sort of supervision we supply in the home environment. She is strange in that at home if someone steps out of the room while she eats she looks for them to continue with supervision. Apologies for the long message!

15 year old D. Started to feel low summer 2019. Fall out with friends October 2019. Depressed, self-harming and suicidal from January 2020. Diagnosed with AN July 2020. Slowly coming out of it and feeling hopeful for the future.
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ValentinaGermania
There is a say here: If you do see ED (screaming, crying, the whole program) you are doing something right and if you do not see ED (too quiet, too calm, seems to be content and happy and no resistance) in 99% the ED has found a loophole.

"She eats what we give her quietly and sadly with minimum fuss."
This is no normal reaction and in these cases they trick you out very often. Try to close those loopholes immediately now and I would like to bet you will see ED alive again...🙂
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
During refeeding my d found school also very hard. I went in during recess and lunch to supervise and she would often beg me to take her home and promised to eat everything in her meal plan that day. Now, who could pass on such an offer? So I took her home and she completed her mealplan for that day without complaint. When she was better it was decided that her teacher would 'supervise' her recess and I would come in for lunch only. It helped her to stay at school for the whole day. However, I moved her to a smaller school the following year and I think it was the right decision to take her home when she felt she couldn't cope. There are plenty of parents here who took their children out of school for several months or more to concentrate on refeeding. 

If your d feels safer with someone supervising her the whole time, then do it. I had to supervise for a very long time even after WR, but it does not last forever. Sending  you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Foodsupport_AUS
My D also never screamed or yelled or protested. She was however very ill with severe anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and self harm. Ultimately she was quietened by the ED- it even made her voice a whisper. She could not fight against it herself for a number of years, which meant that she required 100% supervision for all meals and snacks for more than 3 years. She never really protested this. If left unsupervised like your D she would hide, dispose of etc.. Early on D would just not eat at all- she needed NG back up to be able to eat, but as time went on we just slowly but surely increased at home. 

There really is no right way with this, but the most important thing is she is making progress on weight restoration. If that means time off school so be it, we had 18 months off. Others have managed supervision at school. When D went back to school I would drop her food off personally with the school nurse each morning. This meant that D could not tamper with it.  D had snack supervised with the nurse and early on I would supervise lunch at school and later this was with the nurse. I left lunch with the nurse so if disasters happened and I could not leave work she still had food. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Torie
My D had some similarities to what you describe.  My first concern was SH and suicidal ideation; took a while to figure out AN.  She was quiet and miserable; she did not scream or throw things.  She would disappear food like a magician, but unlike your d, she did not tell us about that.  So I think that is similar.

As the others have said, the loopholes need to be closed.  You have to watch her like a hawk because they can disappear food in the blink of an eye.  Then you have to keep them with you for at least an hour after each meal / snack to make sure they don't start purging.  (Pain in the neck, that, but so much better than the alternative.)  I used to tell my d before each meal to use the bathroom so she could stay with me afterwards.  When she complained that I didn't trust her, I learned to say "It's not that I don't trust you; it's just what I do."  (I learned that here, and I didn't expect that to work but it was the best I found.)

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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kazi67
My d also didn’t yell, scream, swear or throw food/plates around
my d cried and SH, expressed she no longer wanted to live and withdrew/isolated herself 
she became paranoid and thought everyone hated her, was looking at her or were judging her (when in actual fact she was very well liked/loved by all who knew her)

i think the ED was so strong she was confused and didn’t understand what was happening although she seemed to understand something was wrong

the ED voice was strong in her head telling her all the bad things to her (monster inner critic)
my d suffered extreme anxiety before ED moved in

i think taking your d out of school is s good idea so that you can be 100 percent supervising all she eats
i also sat  with my d for an hour after all meals and snacks

when the ED voice is loud it also makes them lie
my previous very honest trustworthy d began lying about her weight, lying about eating,  put weights in her shoes at weigh ins
our GP never checked for this and nor did we as we didn’t think she would do this sort of thing
long story short she majorly relapsed lost all weight plus more and it has taken 2 years to finally get her back to “normal”

just warning you of how sneaky this illness can be 
On my d discharge from first IP admission we were told to make sure she put the butter on the bread because as soon as they start restricting one thing it leads to another and another so yes you need to be very vigilant and by what you said your d doing at school (removing cheese) etc this is what you need to keep an eye on 

i think it’s good your d looks for you to supervise her I feel like it’s because she knows she can’t trust herself (the ED)
shes trying to tell you she needs you
she should be continuing to gain weight into her 20’s

keep asking questions as they come up and read around the site as lots of excellent information/advise here
all the best 
x
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Bobs
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. My dad died today so it’s been super tough. I’ll take all your comments on board. Each child is so individual but with certain traits that seem to run through them all. 
15 year old D. Started to feel low summer 2019. Fall out with friends October 2019. Depressed, self-harming and suicidal from January 2020. Diagnosed with AN July 2020. Slowly coming out of it and feeling hopeful for the future.
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sandie
I am so sorry Bobs for your loss. May he rest in peace. Thinking of you all at this very tough time and sending you a hug. 
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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Enn
Dear Bobs,
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dad.
please take care of yourself. 
🤗 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
Bobs, that is a really hard time at the moment. I am so sorry. Try to breath through and take some time for self care. It is needed.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
So sorry to hear about your dad. Thinking of you. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Lovemygirl
I’m so sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing.  Take care of yourself.  
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Kali
Dear Bobs,

So sorry that your father has passed. May his memory be a blessing.

with deepest sympathy,

Kali
Food=Love
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MKR
Bobs, stay strong!

Zylie
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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kazi67
Dear Bobs
Sorry to hear of your loss 
x
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Lamarque

I’m so sorry for your loss Bobs.  

My D is the same as yours in temperament.  It’s been just over 12mths since her discharge from hospital.  Still trying to add a few kilos on her.  She (and the ED) break my heart.  It’s hard isn’t it?  I sometimes wish for rage from the ED so it would fire me up....

 

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Aggie
Bobs
So sorry to hear about your dad.

Take care of yourself x
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Bobs

Thank you so much everyone for your support you are all like close friends I can’t see!
It’s been a mad week, arranging a funeral and all the family ups and downs that brings. Throw in the discovery mid week that she had been self harming pretty much on and off since August and all very stressful.
Anyway despite all that we’ve continued to push through on the food and a small miracle of 1.5kg gained at yesterday’s CAHMS meeting. 

 

15 year old D. Started to feel low summer 2019. Fall out with friends October 2019. Depressed, self-harming and suicidal from January 2020. Diagnosed with AN July 2020. Slowly coming out of it and feeling hopeful for the future.
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ValentinaGermania
YEAH for the weight gain!
Please do not forget to take care of yourself, Bobs, in that hard time at the moment. It is really serious that you do that!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Aggie
So glad you have had some good news during such a difficult time x
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