F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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I am new to FEAST. Our (fairy new) counselor fired us today when we told her we would not see the (also fairly new) nutritionist anymore since it was a waste of our time & money. I am kind of done with all counselors, doctors & nutritionists anyway!  My daughter is 5’1”, weighs 102 pounds, is 14 3/4 years old. I refed her last summer from 74 pounds to 90 pounds. She hovered there for 8 months, then a month ago, I FINALLY went against dumb counselor, doctor & nutritionist advice & forced her to eat milk, cream & fat again & got her to gain up to 102 pounds. She is FINALLY back to being herself. … most of the time. It is so miraculous to see the transformation, I cry every time I see her being playful with her little sister like she used to be. 
I am now in the phase of reintroducing other forbidden foods. I love Eva Musby’s book, “Anorexia & Other Eating Disorders" Chapter 8 has saved me many times with all her scenarios of how a meal might go. Anyway, question is: Is counseling REALLY necessary? 
Thanks so much!
Cheryl, AKA a fellow Lorenzo’s Oil Mom
Welcome to the forum. 
You have done a great job to get your D weight restored or close to weight restored. You are not the first person who has had a team who seems to think that being at a less than average weight for height is enough to allow for recovery. 

As to counselling, there are some whose children recover well into the future without counselling. There are others however who even with good weight restoration do need extra therapy and counselling or even medication to help them to recover. You know your child and where things are at the moment. This is a long term predisposition so in deciding whether or not counselling is needed I would look at how things go with her feeding herself, is there background anxiety and behaviours that remain as an issue. Can she take over and continue on her own without your support?
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hi cheryl,
a very warm welcome from Germany and great that you found us!
You have done a really good job with refeeding and with not listening to those "professionals".
A higher weight and a complete food intake with diary, fat and sugar are important for recovery.
Can we help you to tackle fear food? That is very important, too.

As to your question, it is very special and very unique for your situation.
My two cents are:
If the counselling helps you and your d in any way, it is o.k. and needed.
If the counselling and the nutritionists do not help you in any way and even counteract your achievments, stop that. You don´t need them then. Listen to your gut.
In our case old fashioned german counselling was a waste of time and money, too. So we stopped that and my d does not have any counselling any more and she does not seem to need it now after 1 year WR. She is doing fine. And we never had a nutritionist. My "nutritionists" are here on ATDT. When you got your d refeeded until now, you do not seem to need that either. What were the arguments for the counsellor to fire you for that???

What you do need is a GP for weighings and blood, heart and bone checks. That should be supervised.

Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Counseling is so often a waste of time ... or worse.  (I hate to say that, but ...)

The first and most important step is getting the needed weight on, and the second and also very important step is keeping it on (with a little more each year into the young adult years as is normal and expected).

If other mental health issues remain, you can try to find a counselor at that time.  Generally, CBT and DBT seem to be most helpful for our kids, but it can be difficult or impossible to find a practitioner who implements them properly. 

So glad to hear you are seeing your real d again!!!  What a blessing that is for you both! xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
In my experience it is a lotto win to find a good counselor who is experienced with ED, experienced with FBT and free at the moment.
We had that luck with our FBT trainer but I know this was a lotto win. Another counselor for CBT or something else was not needed.
All councelors we have seen before had no real experience with ED (although they said they have), did not help and made things worse and it was just a waste of time.

So don´t feel bad and anxious if you do not have one and feel lucky if you do and she/he helps you.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.