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yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #1 
So, after a long wait (at least 5 weeks) my D was finally offered a bed at Newbridge in Sutton Coldfield. The only downside is that she has to wait until 25th April. It is going to be a long week and a half.

What is the best way to prepare her and the rest of the family for her admission?

Yellowcaty
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #2 

Oh yellowcaty,
That is amazing. You must feel a sense of relief! 
She does know she will be admitted, right? Did the team talk to her to and discuss it?
I would try to be very positive with her and the family that this is what is needed for her. It is the best for her health and that you support her getting better. For the rest of the family, maybe asking if they had any questions that you may answer specifically?


Just throwing out ideas. We had NO time to prepare.D saw doctor in the morning and was told then and there she would be admitted right from the clinic. 

I am so happy for you. 

XXX


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Kali

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Reply with quote  #3 
YAY!!!!!!! Yellowcaty!!!!!!!
You must feel so relieved!

We got our d. ready by taking a look at the list of things the treatment center would not allow and would allow them to bring. No belts or sharps for example. Loose and comfortable fitting clothing. Clothing marked with her name on the labels. We also sent her off with a coloring book and markers, as well as a couple of books she wanted to read and a journal to write in. They will most likely also have guidelines about electronics.

How far is the treatment center from where you live? 

Hoping this will be the beginning of things turning around for your daughter!!!!

warmly,

Kali

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yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #4 
It is such a relief, as I was beginning to feel like this day would never come. We had to go for an assessment because of the bed crisis, so they could make sure that beds were allocated according to priority. She was considered a priority, but this was the first bed available. We have been told that if things get any worse she may have to be admitted on to a paediatric ward in the meantime. Her potassium levels are low again, so this is still a concern. It only hit me today how poorly she actually is. We have lived with it so long that it just becomes normal (I’m not sure I have phrased that correctly) and it isn’t until you see the reactions of other medical professionals that it really hits you.

I know it is the best place for her and our CAMHS team know it really well. It is about 40 mins from home and probably our nearest unit. We didn’t get to look round which was a shame, but we did get lots of information to take away. My D took it well. The purging is taking such a toll on her and she accepts that she needs help.

I think the next 10 days are probably going to go so slowly, but at least it gives us time to get things ready. I just need to stay strong and not give into ED whilst we wait.

Thank you everyone for your support and ideas about how to get ready. Did you pack lots of things or add as you went along?
She isn’t allowed phone/ laptops etc, so we are trying to think of a way that she can listen to music. iPods have cameras so she can’t have one of those. Her biggest issue was that she can’t take chewing gum!

Yellowcaty
mid73

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Reply with quote  #5 
At last! Really pleased for you. Glad it’s not massively far from home too. I have no advice other than beware that she may plead with you to be brought home and hate it when the reality sinks in that ED has been cornered. Stay strong and best of luck. Admission was the best thing that happened for our daughter despite her protestations.

Thinking of you x

Kali

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Yellowcaty,

I remember getting my d. a little mp3 player or shuffle and loading it up with music she liked. Maybe you can find something reasonably priced on ebay?

My d. was also purging and having the behaviors interrupted in a residential setting was really important. I could not have done what they for her did at home. It is great that the center is only 40 minutes away. Our daughter was close to home also and we visited often.

And ditto to what mid73 has said about your daughter most likely pleading with you to take her home at some point. Happened to us also. It just means that the ED is being cornered and she may have all sorts of reasons why it is terrible for her to be there and how she will be fine if you just can bring her home. I didn't fall for it.

warmly,

Kali

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scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #7 

hi again,

I took clothes first. As said above no hoodies no pockets, no strings or sharps. i brought her own toiletries ( soaps, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush- sorry if that sounds obvious- but the soap there was too tiny)
I brought a few sets of clothes and PJs until I knew what she really needed. My D was in 3.5 weeks and I actually bought new bedding to make the bed more like home. They did allow that and her own pillow. 
I actually bought bigger clothes (slightly) and new underwear for her- so that I could get rid of the old clothes at home when she got home. She loves fashion, even when ill she tried to dress up. So having the new clothes made her feel good. 

I played it by ear depending on what she needed/was allowed from home.

No jewelry allowed or school work. I was never sure about that, and still don't understand. She had math homework from school ( a work book) it was taken away. I think they don't want the perfectionistic qualities to come out? 

For us, hospitalization kicked started recovery.It was a blessing as I did not know what or how to do anything at that point.

XXX


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #8 
Fantastic that she has got a bed. We found that when D knew she was being admitted that ED behaviours really ramped up.   Watch closely and insist that she still is eating and monitoring for purging. If she is getting worse take her to Emergency for assessment to see if she needs urgent medical admission. Don't let her ED talk you out of being proactive still. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi yellowcaty,
we also had not much time before IP to prepare, only a few days, so I think although waiting is hard for you it is also good to have some time to prepare things.
With music we also had a cheap mp3 player and if you get one with more GB you can also put some audio books on. That was nice for her to listen to in the evenings because she could not sleep well there.
Is there a phone on station so she can call you?

My d was allowed to bring phone/laptop but they took the phone on 8.30 p.m. away and gave it back after lunch the next day. They did not take the laptop/ipad so we talked about skype if needed or send emails in between. She was also allowed to bring some school work as they had a clinic school there. It was not really much she did there and not important, but it gave her the feeling to be update to school.

We took clothes and some books and some card games. Distraction was a big problem there, so I was glad she had Ipad and some games and sudoku on it. My d was there for 3 months and we were only allowed to visit twice a week which felt like a blame and was horrible, I hope that is not the same in your case. Everybody else (friends, other family members) were allowed to come every day but not parents ;(
If Ipad is not allowed, ask them what you can bring for distraction, maybe you will get some ideas. Ah, I just remember I brought some handwork, too. And she was allowed to bring her guitar. But she did not use it much there. Using the guitar again was something that happened with WR.

I took clothes home to wash everytime we visited and brought back clean ones and changed them secretly against bigger ones by time. And we were also allowed to bring own bed linen. She had a photo of family and friends on her nightstand and we decorated her bed a bit so it looked not so clinic-like.
When your d is there for a longer time I would ask friends and family not all to visit in the first week and then nobody comes to visit any more. Try to manage that a little. And maybe take younger siblings with you when she is allowed to leave the ward for some time because it might be stressful to see all that for them.

Yes, be aware that she might cry and ask you to take her home. Think about that before it happens what you will answer and do then, so you are prepared for that. It is ED who cries to be taken home to start purging again, remember that.

I am so glad that you will get help soon. Try to calm down a bit then and do something nice for yourself and hubby.
I think the most important thing for all is to spread confidence. She should believe that it is no question they will help her stop purging.
I send you a big hug!
Tina72

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HopeNZ

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Reply with quote  #10 
Hurray, yellowcaty, so pleased to hear you finally have a bed!  We didn't have any preparation time before my d was admitted, but it soon became clear to us we'd need lots of 'projects' to keep her busy and distracted.  The most valuable one, probably, was a journal.  We bought her a little notebook to write in, with lots of stickers and pretty felt tips, gel pens etc.  It soon became a 'positivity journal', which she wrote in every day:  helpful things the nurses said to her, little affirmations she came across in cards or messages sent to her from friends, helpful thoughts she came across on pinterest.  It morphed into a diary, where she listed all the board games we played, how many times she won Scrabble and by how much, the names of her favourite nurses, the silly games we played looking out the window to pass the time, the movies we watched on her laptop etc.  For my d, it became a daily ritual and a reminder to find something positive in every difficult day.  I have no idea what role, if any, this diary has to play in the future, but I know it's tucked away in the bottom of her cupboard.  Perhaps something similar might be helpful for your d?  Good luck x
yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi everyone

Thank you for all your advice. We went out today and bought a journal and have stocked up on lots of comfy clothes. I think I am going to wait to see what the other young people have to listen to music on, before I buy anything. They are so strict with electrical items that I don’t want to get the wrong thing. I can’t decide whether having lots of time to prepare is better or not than none.

After reading the brochure, it seems that It is recommended that we only visit once during the week and once at the weekend. The slots are for one hour. Is this normal?

Although she did put on 0.6kg this week (which is amazing for her), ED is very strong. She told the doctor that she just wants to be left alone this week before she goes in. By left alone, she means to not eat and to be sick whenever she wants. Of course the doctor told her that this could not happen and if anything we need to be firmer this week. I think it will be a long week with lots of resistance.

Yellowcaty
Torie

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowcaty
I think it will be a long week with lots of resistance.


Well, ED doesn't like being cornered, that's for sure.  But occasionally we see the opposite result where ED is on best behavior in the hopes of changing your mind and letting him stay on in the comfort of your home.  So, time will tell.

I'm so very happy the bed is on the horizon!  I hope the knowledge that help is on the way will help you endure whatever the vile monster throws your way in the meantime.

Did someone mention extension cords? I seem to remember them being discussed here, but can't remember the specifics.  Either they were needed or they weren't allowed (but hopefully not both).

Thinking of you. xx

-Torie

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mid73

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hope all is still on track for admission. Thinking about you and wish you all the best. X
yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #14 
Thanks mid73

We are all packed and ready for admission tomorrow. It has been a long week and the purging has got progressively worse. Her potassium and sodium levels have been low, so we have had the possibility of being in a general hospital for stabilisation. This fortunately hasn’t happened, but waiting on blood results tomorrow. Our doctor has been in contact with the unit to discuss the level of the purging and they have agreed on 5 minute observations ( not sure how that works) and no bathroom privacy. She says that she is ok with this, but we will have to see what happens when it is put into practice. Usually when the purging is controlled she begins to restrict food again.

I’m not sure how I feel. After 6 weeks of being ready for admission any day, I think I am numb. I have tried not to get upset in front of her, but know that I won’t get any sleep tonight.
mid73

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Reply with quote  #15 
I’m sure you must feel totally drained by it all. The unit will have seen it all before and will find a way somehow. It may not be easy but take the opportunity to rest whilst you have respite from 24/7 care. X
clem

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Reply with quote  #16 
Bless you Yellowcaty!

Get your D there, get her settled and stay strong for her, she will need to see that from you and you'll need to do that for her.

When you are back home, or even on the way home, you can loose it, cry your heart out with sobbing, snotty nosed hot cheek tears. Let it all out, then play your favorite tune really loud. Dance it out, or sing it out! I do this in my current state of delirium, it really does help, kind of like the very moment you get off the roller-coaster.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig hugs and squeezes.

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 51kg. Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse/recovery. In the trenches and tackling FBT. Not a vegan anymore!
needhelp

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Reply with quote  #17 
So happy for you, Yellocaty!
tina72

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Reply with quote  #18 
Take some time for yourself and the siblings now.
Have a nap. Have a bath. Go to a restaurant without ED. Go to the hairdresser. Meet a friend. Do something nice with hubby.
I had the feeling that I did not dare to have some nice time when my d was in IP. I felt guilty. But that was sooo wrong. I couldn´t have helped her without loading my batteries until she came back. You are her safety net. You should not have holes...[wink]
You have fought so hard and now you deserve to do something nice just for yourself.
I am sending you a big hug.
Tina72

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yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #19 
Thank you for you good wishes and advice.

It was heartbreaking leaving her and she seemed so young, even though she is 17. After leaving I worried that I hadn’t said everything to her that I wanted to. We had to buy her a really basic phone with no camera or internet and she hasn’t set it up yet, so she can’t make direct contact with us. I’ve just been lying on her bed trying to work out how we have got here and how things got so bad. I know she is in the best place and we couldn’t do anymore at home, but I still can’t help feeling like we have failed her. I’m going to phone later to ask the staff how she has settled and we have booked a session to visit on Saturday.

On a positive note, I have had a long bath!!
mid73

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Reply with quote  #20 
You haven’t failed her, you’ve secured the best possible help for her illness. The unit my d was in allowed a similar simple phone. It does enable them to keep in touch with you and friends. Don’t be too alarmed if you get calls begging you to fetch her( I hope you don’t ). Hope she settles quickly and as Tina says take time to recharge. X
teecee

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Reply with quote  #21 
Yellowcaty
Hey, have two long baths...you deserve it ! Caring about your Ds welfare and loving her unconditionally is not failing her. I agree with the above suggestions that you use this time to take good care and nuture yourself so that you can continue being the warrior that you are for your beautiful D
Virtual hugs xxx
needhelp

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Reply with quote  #22 
So happy for you and your family!! I hope you will allow yourself the opportunity to take car of YOU - you deserve it, and will only be better prepared to continue to be the hero you are!! Hugs : )
yellowcaty

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Reply with quote  #23 
Quick update. She sent a texts yesterday begging me to take her home. Spoke to the nurses to ask what to say to her. They said to tell her that they said she was far too poorly to go home and if she tried they would have to take measures to stop her. She seemed to accept this and they also had a conversation with her. Got a phone call last night to say she had collapsed and the paramedics were with her. Her blood pressure was low and she need fluids. They ended up taking her to hospital for observation. They gave her more fluids and were about to discharge her when she fainted whilst they were doing her blood pressure whilst standing. She banged her head on the bed so they kept her in until her blood pressure went up. She was discharged at 4 this morning, but I didn’t know this. By the time I found this out, I had taken two trains to see her in the hospital (mainly my fault as they had said they would update me at 8). She is now on bed rest, so we can’t visit until tomorrow as planned. Feel so helpless. The unit are really good and don’t mind me phoning for regular updates. It just seems really strange that after 6 months of caring for her, someone else has now taken over that role. They didn’t try to exclude me, but it was clear that they were in charge.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #24 
Hi yellowcaty,
so sorry to hear that. I hope she gets better soon when she has enough fluids in and bed rest will be best now.
They did nothing else than you would have done at home. Its hard not to be able to see her, can you phone her up instead?
Try to calm down a bit. You will see her tomorrow and she will be in a better state then. They would not have discharged her if she was not well enough for that.
Try to get some sleep now, I am sure you have not slept all night.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
I send you a huge hug.
Tina72

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Kali

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi Yellowcaty,

I'm sorry your daughter is so poorly. It sounds as though she went in just in time.
When my daughter went into the hospital I remember another parent on ATDT writing to me:

"You are doing hero parenting"

At the time it made me cry.

I'm passing the hero parenting baton on to you now because you are in need of it and that is what you are doing; parenting under truly dire and very confusing circumstances. The type of parenting that is not for the faint of heart. The type of parenting we never expected to have to do.

You got your daughter into a safe place when she needed one.
You are there for her.
It is evident how much you love her.

It may take a few weeks at the unit before you start to see any small changes.
On a practical side, have you spoken to the nurses/dr.s there to make sure that she is being monitored very carefully after her meals so that she cannot purge? My d. was not allowed to go to the bathroom after eating for months.

Sending virtual hugs. Be kind to yourself.

Kali



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