F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Annon
I just wondered how and when people have managed to successfully supported their Ed children with returning to independent eating, making choices about what to eat and how much etc. At what stage of recovery and mental state is this usually achieved? I don't think we are there yet but I'm thinking ahead and looking for information ahead of this.
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anotherbite_CAN
true 'independent' eating took ages.  Her hunger cues simply were not there so even when she made 'independent' choices it was not enough.  That said though, the 'dance' to handing back control started earlier. Not at weight restoration though.  Not till much after. We chased growth for a good three years though (11-14) so that was an added element (and one that delayed independent eating).  

There is an old "Stage Two" thread that discusses the confounding return of independence I will try to find and link-

Here is link to one of the Phase 2 threads: http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/stage-2-support-5657920?&trail=50#gsc.tab=0

Good to think ahead but don't worry too much about the 'when'... You will sense when she is ready  (with my girl it was when she stopped asking for it....ed was driving the need to 'do it herself'....the healthier she got the less focus she had on food in general.  We began with her learning to serve herself and perhaps grab a snack and order in restaurant.  Not all at once though.  In bits. Honestly, it has just been the last 4-5 months that she is really and truly eating like a typical teen (coming in, yelling she is "Starved" (yes, the irony of that word choice was not lost on either of us) and going to fridge or asking for a snack after dinner or sitting on couch with friends with half of my pantry on the floor in front of them). I never thought I would see that and it has taken a long long time.  Slow and Steady.  I think those are the operative terms.  Slow and steady and remember it will take longer than you think.  And that it is often one step forward and a few back then a few more forward and one back etc.  Not a straight line most often.  Don't worry though the view on the other side.....no matter how long it takes, is lovely.   Your girl is only 14.  You have time on your side....time to go slow and get a steady base to prepare for independent living.


D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
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