F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Robin1 Show full post »
Hi Robin1

I remember those terrible days from earlier this year too (yes indeed 2018 can get stuffed!)  As others have pointed out you have SO much going for you, and you are doing so much right - good on you!  I found anti-depressants (for stress/anxiety rather than depression per se) ENORMOUSLY helpful.  I started them reluctantly but they gave me the extra resilience I needed to survive the terrible months of early re-feeding.  And, as others have mentioned, when I realised how violent our D (17) was going to be we informed the police what was going on so they could flag our address.  To my surprise they were absolutely brilliant.  This meant that when neighbour reported hearing screams and distress etc, the police were sensitive and compassionate to D (and to us).  It also meant that we could ring them if we needed to if we felt unsafe, without causing a massive chaotic scene.  And actually, two uniformed policemen showing up at midnight needing to check our D was ok (via a neighbours complaint) was a turning point for D.  She realised that all she could report to them was - eh - my parents made me eat a yoghurt for pudding tonight!!!  She was kind of mortified and it served as a bit of a reality check and she stopped screaming out the window after that. 

Anyway, this is a long haul thing, but the fear and dread and hyper-vigilance you are currently experiencing will pass.  The routine will settle, you will get stronger and more unshockable, your daughter will slowly grow into her renourishment, and better days will come.  This Christmas we are in a MUCH better place than we were before,  Still a way to go of course.  Peace to you.
Just a smoothie suggestion: I made my son a smoothie with hagen daz strawberry ice cream, carnation (dry) instant breakfast, and heavy cream. I thought it was pretty tasty. He also sometimes fought hard. Try to take the fighting as a compliment and an opportunity: you are really challenging ED which means that you are really pulling ED out. Your D is there right underneath ED's surface when you are pulling ED out, so while you pull ED out you have a chance to see how scared she is underneath and reassure her that, despite the violence, you are not scared and know you can beat this. I hope that makes sense. One other suggestion: We played a lot of distracting games during meals which my S really liked. If he stopped eating we stopped playing. We still often play Contact at meals, though, now it's just for fun. Contact is a real thinking game so it's hard for the fear to really take over when you are truly engaged in the game.
Hello lovely people. Your replies are a lifeline and have helped us so much. DD has met a brick wall with us and the ed team and behaviour has improved. 2 steps forward 1 step back. She has put on 2kg which is great but so hard for her. I think she is starting to try to exercise so i am checking her constantly. DH or i are sleeping with her. It really is one day at a time at the moment. The ED seems to be worse first thing in the morning and last thing at night so we need to keep an eye on her tiredness levels.

This is such a horrible illness.

Robin1 x

R x
Every day you learn something about this illness. It is always feedback and not failure. You will learn so much about your D so try not to get disheartened when ED takes you off course. Recovery is not a straight line it is a squiggly mess! But you will get there if you take one day at a time. Remember there is no shortcuts round you have to go through to kick it out of your home.
Great to hear that the behaviour has improved. Knowing that there is a brick wall can make her feel much safer and more contained. You are going a great job keeping things going, it will improve ever so slowly but getting started is often the hardest part.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hi ohara,
I welcome you to the forum. As you are new here, I wonder if you would like to start your own thread? That way people will see your posts and respond to your questions. 
I do hope you get the support and information that you need. 
Please let us know how we can help. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Ohara, there is great support and advice on here. If you start a new thread and give some more of your details, people are sure to respond and that's a great help, believe me.  Lots of experience win camhs here too
Wishing you well xx