F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Rayney
My 14 yr old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia about 10 weeks ago, we have been using the maudsley re-feed approach at home and have almost restored her weight, but emotionally she has been in such a bad way, sooooo depressed and upset, withdrawn and its been heartbreaking.  I have had to fight long and hard for the last weeks to get any advice from dietitian and CAMHS but finally we have some support. 

However we hit a real black hole about a week ago where our daughter was very low and withdrawn and when pushed she said she was considering not eating and what would happen. Rightly or wrongly (we have no idea and are so in the dark with this0 but I explained that she either eats at home or in hospital and explained that they would not work with her and allow her to eat her healthier 'safe' foods but any food and if she didn't she would be tube fed.  I explained that this illness in her head wanted her to die but we would fight this with her and it wouldn't win.  It was a very low moment, but two days after this she seemed to change in mood and we have had a lovely few days with our old daughter seeming to be back. 

I was just wondering if anyone has experienced this, will the deep darkness return again, could it be that she still may relapse and decide not to eat? we feel like we are so early on in this and do not know enough to relax.  Any advice on this illness such as does it have relapses in most cases, could she be restored in weight and then lose it all again, will her mental health deteriorate again.  Please help and we know little about this horrible illness and its so sad.
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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Torie
Hi Rayney - Welcome to the club no one wants to join.  You have come to the right place; I'm sure some of the amazing veterans will be here soon with better advice than I can impart, but ...

This vile illness sends us all on a roller coaster ride with crazy ups and downs that go on and on and ON much longer than we expect.  So yes, it is the rule rather than the exception for dark, difficult days to show their ugly face periodically.  I have learned to take it one day at a time instead of trying to anticipate what tomorrow might bring.

Have you seen the video by forum member Eva Musby?  I have found it tremendously helpful:

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Rayney
Hi Torie,
Thank you very much this video was very useful and I think I will feel better if I am at least prepared and I suppose it will rear its ugly head again and I will be ready!!! Its so horrible but you did make me laugh with your welcome to the forum you don't want to be a member of comment ha ha.
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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sk8r31
Hi Rayney,

It is early days still for your family, and unfortunately, it does take longer than one would wish or hope for true brain healing to occur.

The really great news is that you and family have jumped on your d's ED diagnosis quickly and aggressively to refeed.  That bodes extremely well for long term health and recovery, so well done!

The challenge ahead is that you will hear your d express thoughts and feelings that are linked to her ED for quite some time to come.  Being prepared and aware, and finding strategies to cope is a wise thing to do.  There is lots of great advice and support on the forum.

Wishing you & family a much happier, healthier year ahead!

Warmly,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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MarcellaUK
The first book we were given, years ago when we started refeeding was "Eating Disorders A Parents' Guide" by Lask and Bryant-Waugh. It was the first edition and there are more up to date books available now, including Lock and LeGrange's "Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder". However there is one subject that I think Lask and Bryant-Waugh still deal with better than most - the fact that it nearly always seems to get worse as the nutrition goes in. While your child is starving, while oh so difficult, feeding is the only way to go and upsetting though it is for the sufferer they may not have much energy to fight. As physical health returns, the sufferer very often feels worse; more anxious, more angry, confused and resentful both of the ED that they really DO want rid of whatever they say, and of those who are trying to take its false comfort away. A horrible, horrible time. But as the book points out, this nasty time means that you are winning against the vile ED. It will still be a long battle but you are well on your way. Well done
Fiona Marcella UK
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Rayney
Thanks so much for the replies, I thought we were just having a bit of a rest to recharge our batteries but sort of wishful thinking was hoping that this was it the worse was over!! but I do think we have a bit to go yet, but we have had some nice days over xmas and currently are winning!! I have at least had a chance to have a rest.  I have honestly never had such a horrible upsetting time, it is awful to see such a beautiful child suffer a she is doing, thanks so much for the support and I am sure I will be in touch more.x
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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