F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Lonelymum

Hi 
This is my first post here but you have all been a huge source of information over the last few months, getting us through some very dark days. 

Nearly 16 year old D was diagnosed with AN in February this year after restricting for about 5 months. We have been refeeding since then and I think we have reached WR. After reading on here , I agreed with CAHMS that we would decide the WR point - not the lower level they were happy with. I have weight/height info from when she was 11 which put her on the 38 centile and I am hoping with her current weight gain, next check will put her on the 50th centile. 

How do I know this is enough? What am I looking for in terms of state? 

I would be very grateful of any advice anyone can offer - thank you! 

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Enn
Welcome, I am glad you found the forum. I know that everyone here wishes to help you in any way possible. 
Good job on getting the weight on. We know what a feat that can be! 
For my d, we kept the calories up after WR and saw how it went. My D levelled off on her weight while on 4000 cal per day.
What are you looking at in terms of state? For me that would mean no fear foods, eating whatever she wants but also maintaining her nutrition. If there was obsessive exercise then that would be gone as well. Less anxiety, her mood is back to a normal Pre ED state( Hmm but hard to tell with a teenager) 
When you see ED behaviours gone that is another indication of her good state. 
Have you seen the video on state not weight? If not I can find and post it here for you. Let me know.

Good for you for telling CAHMS that YOU will decide her WR goal! I know that is a hard thing to do with them, historically from what I have seen here. 
Please ask all the questions you have. Let us know what you need. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Lonelymum
Thank you Enn. That video would be great if you can find it. Do I need to carry on increasing her weight until the ED behaviours have gone? 
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Enn
We found that d’s weight percentile stabilized with 4000 cal per day. 
I don’t think it really is to continue with more and more weight,  but  as a child she will need to gain anyways into her 20’s. 
I really feel that parents get a feel for where their kids should be.
i will post that video a bit later.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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sk8r31
This is a great podcast episode on 'State not Weight' from 2017 with Dr. Rebecka Peebles being interviewed by Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Lonelymum
Thank you both. I will listen to them today. Feeling a bit lost so hopefully this will help me come up with a plan. 
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Torie
Lonelymum wrote:
How do I know this is enough? What am I looking for in terms of state?

Generally, improvements in state are gradual.  Keeping a journal can help identify when you have turned the corner - it can be difficult to notice day-to-day changes when you are always with her.

Kudos to you and your d for making such good progress already!  Please feel free to ask all the questions you like. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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sandie
Hi Lonelymum, I am so impressed with how you managed the target weight with CAHMs. What a powerful stance you took! That can’t have been easy starting out, when I am sure most parents like me are overwhelmed and desperate for help and certainly not ready to challenge clinical authority. 

Just want to say as well that your name strikes a chord with me too. This can be a very lonely and isolating journey. I am so glad you found this forum and sending you a huge hug. 

You are are obviously a very strong person and I am sure you will find the way forward. Xxxx
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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