F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Chrissy
We have been told that we need to tell CYMHS what we need. Obviously i know obvious stuff, but wondering what your suggestions would be as to what to ask for.

trying to prepare....

Thanks in advance

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Foodsupport_AUS
Things I would be asking for : unqualified support by putting you in charge. This means if you are concerned they listen and help problem solve  - you are the president they are experienced advisers. This extends as far as managing meals, target weights, weighing, need for higher level of care. When we start on this journey it often feels as though we know nothing, but one thing we do know is ourselves and our children very well. I can think of numerous times with hindsight that it would have been better if the team had acknowledged and addressed my concerns, we would not have gone so far backwards, or needed the higher levels of care that we did. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Torie
What FoodSupport said.  The best thing that happened for us was when the good folks at CHOP told my d that her parents knew what she needed and that she had to eat whatever we served. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
Hi @Chrissy,

I would add, can they have a system where you can email them in advance of any meetings. I always did a little report the day before whether we had weekly sessions with a private or a public system therapist. I just wanted to save time on the introductions, so we would spend the session more productively, ie discussing the future, setting goals etc.

Someone here even got the team to discuss a particular issue with the child, when the child refused to discuss it at home.

Setting weight and behaviour goals and then checking on delivery would be helpful, too.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Torie
Good point, MKR.  Along those lines, some have had the luxury of a center that is willing to play "bad cop" by telling ED-kid "This week, you will need to tackle smoothies" or whatever next step the parent has deemed timely.  The parent lets the center know in a private conversation what would be helpful along these lines. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Enn

Chrissy, 
I wish to add to the great advice above, they should also let YOU know what their plans are.
How they will support you? What are the contingency plans if thing deteriorate? Are you able to communicate with them as you see fit? I cannot recall how old your child is, but to ensure that you should understand how they handle privacy laws, in this context.

i would be very clear about parent blaming and how that is a place that you will not tolerate.

Ask them for strategies for different issues that may come up: violence, food refusal, suicidal ideation etc..

We found it helpful to get a note
from our ED team that spelled out d’s diagnosis and who emergency department needed to call in case d was admitted. They documented  what vitals/labs  they needed to do and how to interpret if she required admission to hospital.

I would write out all your asks and their responses, so that you have on hand and you can add to that list as you think of more things. 

Let us know how we can support and bolster you.
💐

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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deenl
Hi Chrissy,

My son was at a very low weight and very ill in the beginning. The team pediatrician was very clear about what to do and where to go to for help if needed. She very specifically noted ranges of symptoms that needed medical attention. It really helped us to have that clarity.

I think the most helpful thing that we did not have but would have loved was a back up plan for when he did not eat. 

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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MKR
Oops, I forgot an important point!

Can you check with them that they do NOT discuss any weight, calories, BMI numbers etc in front of your ED child. This discussion still needs to take place with YOU parents only. 

This will save you all a lot of drama ar home. Our ED children are very smart but the ED gets hooked on these numbers and will not let go.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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