F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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So my d is about to be discharged after 5 months ip.
i face challenge after challenge and she fights me every step of the way.
she wears one skirt that has holes in and is so into AN that I don’t know how many more reserves I have.
i put the phone down on her tonight Cos I can’t get through to her.
im doing all the fbt and maudsley workshop the unit is offering but I’m running out of steam 
Hi Pingu,

Have you spoken to the team about this?  I assume that your d has a key worker.  I would be telling them that you refuse to take her home until the team have spoken to her and told her in no uncertain terms that she needs to comply with you around the meal plan.

You have to get the hospital on board  and make it clear to her that without cooperating with you she will never recovery.  At present she may not even want to recover - but they have to get on board with you and not send her home until they have had that conversation.

I would also ask them to keep her bed available (I know this is difficult but they might be able to accommodate this) so that the minute she starts being difficult you can take her straight back.

If you take her home with all this resistance the hospital is setting her up to fail and putting you in an impossible position.

So speak to them clearly about your doubts and fears.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
Hi Pingu

Can you buy her new skirts and let the old one 'disappear' in the laundry? My d used to wear all her old and worn clothes when she was ill, she is better now, but my bank balance is crying now ðŸ˜‰
It took me many weeks to be able to refeed my d at home. By that time she had lost all the weight gaining during IP and was very close to being readmitted. Do you have a meal plan? Place it on the fridge filled out for the following week, so that your d could mentally prepare herself and then hopefully be less stressed. Present all meals and snacks at the same every day (even weekends), a routine helps to lower the anxiety. Decide what you are going to do in terms of incentives. Anything, apart from life's basic necessities can be used. Obviously, make it clear that a return to IP is very much on the cards if she doesn't eat. Try not to get into discussions about food and quantities as it is only a distraction and not helping getting the food in. Expect that it is going to be hard the first couple of weeks, my d took 7 weeks before she was able to follow the meal plan.
Good luck!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
Hi mamma yes I do all what you mentioned . The skirt is the last vestige of being ill. She doesn’t want recovery . She has loads of clothes that she just won’t wear and seems to be totally fixed in the anorexic state
I also lost some clothes in the laudry...I told her the modern washing machines eat them 😁
Check her wardrobe and put all the AN clothes away. She will explode but she cannot do anything against it.

I would also ask for help in the unit. Such as a plan B if it does not work at home. It would help a lot when you can take her back immediately to eat there when she refuses to eat at home.

I understand why you are afraid of her getting home but at some point x you need to face that and you are so much better prepared to all what happens then then and I think with some help you can do that.
Is there anybody (friends, family) you can ask for help? Anybody that could move to you for the first 2 weeks?

Can we help you with ideas how to prepare you better for the day x?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
One practical tip before she is released is to cook as much high cal foods as possible and fill the freezer. It is also worthwhile going around your supermarket to research which brands of bread/rolls, yougurts etc have the most nutrition. I found it reduced my stress to have the food made and then I had a bit more emotional strength for actually getting it into him!

I do think you need to have a good backup plan with the unit. Again, it helps reduce stress to know you have plans a, b and c if thinks go pearshaped.

Warm wishes,

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Hi Pingu,
any news? When will she be send home? Can we help with anything to make you feel better?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
So she’s been gone. Few days and normally is a nightmare with milk and toast on an evening. Major stand off and upset. So last night I tried a new tactic ...I guard dogged her til she ate. So basically I invaded her personal space and everywhere she went I did- that would have included the loo too but laying on her bed with her was enough. Job done.
ahe did say that whilst it’s harder here Cos if food she prefers it to her dads where he hasn’t got a clue so I think she likes he help even though I did think she would wollop me last night 😬