F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Martel
Hi. I'm new here, and I just need help.  My 14 year old daughter is not under weight.  She's over weight, and she has just recently started puking up her meals, which she actually just confessed to me about an hour ago.  She already has several mental disorders, plus a below average IQ.  I have tried to encourage her to "eat healthy," as I eat healthy with her, and we don't use the word "diet" in our home.  This morning I knew something wasn't right when she went back to my bathroom, and came out almost crying, saying, "Mom, I'm 166 lbs.  Haven't I been eating right?"  I mean what could I say?  No, she hasn't really.  She snacks every single day on unhealthy foods, usually in the evenings.  For the most part she does eat healthy, but she over eats too, and can't stay away from snacky foods.  Taking all snacks out of the house is near impossible.  I have 3 other children who are actually very thin!  That just makes matters worse for her.  Just genetics I guess?  I don't know.  She already goes to counseling weekly.  Should I just let her counselor know, or go to someone specifically for this?  I actually have a degree as a counselor, but I'm not a counselor for eating disorders, and I have no experience with this.  
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sk8r31
Welcome to the forum Martel, though I am sorry you have a need to be here.  A person does not need to be underweight to have an eating disorder.  The behaviors you are describing are concerning, and I think that having your d evaluated by a physician is a good first step.  We are not able to diagnose on the forum, and having an MD involved will be necessary in any case.  If you want to have a look at this Feed Your Instinct resource sheet, you will be able to check off concerning behaviors and download the document to share with a medical provider.  
In addition, the FEAST Family Guides are short brochures with helpful information.  
I have also sent you an email regarding taking your name off your post.

Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Mamaroo
Hi, welcome here and sorry you had to find your way here.

It must be very distressing that your d told you that she was purging, but it is a good sign that she was able to confide in you.

My oldest d (non an d) also snacked the whole time, I would find muesli wrappers under her bed. This is what helped: 
Since her sister was on a regular mealplan, it was just more convenient to give both girls snacks at the same time and a regular time every day. I would pick the snacks and just give them to her. Home made snacks were better at stopping the binging than store bought ones. I had to get a lock on the pantry to prevent the binging during the night or hid the snacks away from the kitchen. Another tip is to give snacks high in protein and fat as it would signal the brain that it is full. Carb snacks don't give that signal and just made my d more hungry. Again in general, home made snacks made with butter are better than those from shops made with unnatural oils and fats.

Here is another good blog on hyper palatable foods:
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/why-we-limit-hyper-palatable-foods-for-one-year/

After every meal you or her siblings need to distract her to prevent purging. She needs to go to the bathroom before snack or meal times and if she does go, ask her to sing, even during a shower. Purging is a hard habit to break, so nipping it in the butt, is the best way.

I had to remove the scale and haven't weighed myself in years. It might be a good idea to hide the scales as seeing her weight distresses her and could lead her to purge.

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Enn

Dear Martel,
I too welcome you here.I do hope you find the information you seek and support. 

First things first, she needs a proper medical assessment and diagnosis. Purging can affect electrolytes (salt and potassium balance in the blood) this can cause medical issues, so she needs that checked. Do you know how long this has been going on and how frequently? If she has been doing this many times per day, she may need urgent medical attention. 

I agree with Mamaroo, please get rid of the scales they are very upsetting to her. 

Please ask all the questions you have. We all do want to help
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
Hi Martel and a very warm welcome from Germany.
Purging is a very difficult thing to get rid of and I would try to stop that asap and yes, I would tell the counselor as they may have an ED specialist in their team.
For first aid I would not allow bathroom privacy at least for 1 hour after meals to stop vomitting. Make her go to the toilet before meals. If you send them all to the toilet and wash hands before meals it will be no special thing for her.
Then I would take away the scale from bathroom. Hide it or throw it away. No scale in the house. She can be weighed regularly at counselor or GP and I would ask for blind weighing to not stress her about it any more. Tell her you are in charge now and you will help her and give her all that she needs to eat and feel well.
Can you lock away the snacks and give all kids their portion for the day and have different one for the thin kids and for her? Not different sizes, but different brands for example, so she gets less calories while the thin kids get more?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Martel
Thank you all for your warm responses. I took the scales away, and let her know about the new routine for the bathroom.  She said yesterday was first time she tried it, which is great, because she couldn't even go a whole day without telling me what she did.  However, I know this isn't the very first time. She had issues with purging maybe 3 or 4 years ago when some of her friends were doing it too.  She only told me about it after she had quit for a year or two. But obviously she has picked it back up.  I'll call her counselor and doctor today.  What should I do about her being at school? I don't have a good relationship with the principal or counselor for several reasons, just past issues and policies that I very much don't agree with.  I need for someone to watch her before and after lunch.  Your thoughts on this?
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ValentinaGermania
Lunch at school should be supervised. Is there a head teacher you could talk to? A school nurse? Othervise think about leave her at home for some time x or take her home for lunch if possible.

If that is your real name under your post please know that this is a public forum and your name can be found easily with google. If you don´t want that (your d could find what you are posting her and what advice you got) please change that. You need to click on your name and then on the pencil on the right side and you can edit your profile. Down on the page you find the lign "signature" and can take off the name there and leave it empty or have some other signature without name.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
I went to my d's school for recess and lunch and she sat with me in the car while eating her recess and lunch. I was able to park in the school car park so that my d didn't need to be signed out and in again. Can you speak with her main teacher? Or deputy principal, do they have a school counsellor / psychologist? 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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