F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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I was reading fiction for the first time in many many months, enjoying it too, absolutely not ED related. And then I got to this paragraph, it made me cry! There is no rest for the weary (sight).

"But why don't you explain it to her and give her the choice?"
"Do you think she'll listen? Do you think even if she listened she'd believe me? She doesn't trust me. She hates me...I love her so much I've given up everything I had just so I can keep my daughter alive."
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding

The subconscious was accessed in that moment I guess. It’s ok and we will be reminded of ED
for all of our days and that’s fine. We do need to mourn as we process all that has happened.  It makes us more than we were before, and although it can be so sad, it is part of who we are now for better or worse.  Honestly,  as much as I truly hate ED, I know I am wiser for having ED in the home and that is not a bad thing it just is . It has changed not just my personal life but my professional one as well, and mostly for the better.

I often wonder if our minds pick up on what we need to see, as if we need to feel those emotions at that particular time for a reason, otherwise you may have skimmed through that part and not felt the weight of it. 


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)

You have made me think of a thread I have often thought about starting but kept thinking it would not have much use, and that is about creative things such as verse or texts or songs which somehow give meaning to our experiences. These words affected you deeply and it is understandable. 

My daughter always says the the song 'Jar of hearts' could have been written about anorexia.  She loves the end of the song 'Dont come back for me'.  Myself, I broke down in tears on hearing the song by Fisher called 'You make me run' when I heard the words 'You make me want to live for you'. My daughter was so ill and I felt like running away and ending it all but she needed me to be there for her.

There is comfort in hearing our experiences of pain experienced through a creative and artistic way aesthetically, even outside the context of an ed. 
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.

I can relate to this especially around songs

There was a thread with a playlist of favourite songs a while ago

Not sure that it was songs to make you cry but just favourite songs and I guess it’s in the words to a song that makes it a favourite or not and wether it’s uplifting or wether it makes you sad, as with the experiences we have been through, the words can sometimes touch a nerve


I have songs that used to make me cry, when we were in the thick of ED and now I listen to and although I still love the song it doesn’t make me cry anymore (so it does get better)


One song in particular I saw the artist perform live at a show  that myself and ED d went to not long after one of d hospital discharges, so I was emotional anyway, as it first outing with d in a very long time and the fact she could actually go and do something “normal” without having a meltdown was monumental, considering on many outings we tried we had to turn around and take her back to the hospital as she couldn’t cope at all

(Plus it was the first time this artist had sung her song in public)

Well I was bawling in the audience, sobbing my heart out and I’ve no idea how that song didn’t go to number 1 (as I assumed it would the night I saw it performed)

But yeah it just touched a nerve with me and moved me to tears

Harder - Keala Settle


Thankfully I have many other favourites that lift my spirits and even if I’m down can put a smile on my face or have me dancing around with a bounce in my step

Or I may still have sadness but I “fake it till I make it” with the song in my head helping me to cheer up

Especially if sometimes if you just take the time to sit or lie down and REALLY listen to the song/words, can be very moving


Talented artists,wether singer/songwriter/author or actors, to be able to put into words/actions and express our feelings and move us


On the subject of books I just read

The resilience project  - Hugh Vancuylenburg

It is very good for helping with mental health/feeling happy and grateful

This book has really helped me as I have been struggling for a while the authors sister had an ED too, which is why maybe I felt a connection to this book





PleaseEAT—wow, that song Harder just got me. I haven’t heard that before. When we first started refeeding last summer and my D was having the awful outbursts and struggling to deal with the wave of emotions, her psychologist tried to teach her how to ride the wave using cognitive therapy. I heard “Better Boat” by Kenny Chesney shortly after this. I really connected with this song. I can listen to it now without crying finally. 


I think we will always see connections to how we felt or what we experienced in songs, writing and films etc. There are songs that send shivers down my spine as they’re songs S used to exercise obsessively to, and still would given half the chance. I find myself panicking and looking for him to make sure he isn’t exercising if I hear one, even if he’s not there. 

I do hope releasing some emotions was somewhat cathartic for you PurpleRain.

Great songs! I also love "this is me" by Keala Settle. I know what you mean KLB, not excercise related but when watching a movie or something and they say anything triggering even if D is not around.
Yes it was somewhat cathartic, I'm not the crying type, even now and will now it would be healthy to do it more often but it doesn't come easy to me, so songs and movies usually help. The thing with the book is that the character that said that it's an evil mom, so it was hard to see how they (our D's, the world) see us (me). 
My dad send me and her separately (via wattsapp) some jokes that included one about keeping distance from the fridge during lockdown. Really dad?? And he is one who I thought got it! I reply asking to please be careful and he answered, I don't think that would affect her (sigh). I then reply again that sadly it might, that I know it may seem an exaggeration but is the nature of the disease. It's so hard for others to understand. That's why this for is a blessing. Thanks all for your replies.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
Radio 1 (which we listen to during meals) keeps playing Black Dog by Arlo Parks at the mo, which although it's about depression still seems very fitting:
Currently no light; only tunnel 🙁
Hi @PurpleRain,

We seem to always have our ED radar on. I find things in novels, biographies and songs that make me view the circumstances with the ED glasses on 🤓.

The positive thing is that the EDucation brings on more empathy for the person and their loved ones. And more determination! Because I used to think we ought to wait for a person to be "ready to get better" before we help them and we know now that urgent action comes first, then healing.

I am glad you brought up this topic! 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.