F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pappy
We have (as a family) decided to pull my daughter out of EWHMS (CAHMS) because we really feel that after going there for 11 months - they haven’t helped at all. They talk about FBT and they haven’t helped us as a family. I’ve got more help off this page and FEAST than from them and my daughter has seen 6 different people in the 11 months she’s been there. She just gets to know someone then they give her someone else. Their insistence about taking about weight totally freaks my daughter out and even though they have been blind weighing her - they told her last week that she’s just within the healthy weight range and since then my daughter has been restricting. And last November when we managed to get my daughter WR (after her being blind weighed) - the nurse “let slip” her weight and she plummeted and lost lots of weight, far lower than when she was admitted. So it’s a tough decision but we’ve decided to pull her out and get her weighed every two or three weeks with our GP and pretty much go it alone. Are we being reckless ???
[confused]
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tina72
Cahms seems to be kind of a lottery there - some have a good team and some have a bad.

We do not have something like cahms here and did FBT nearly all alone and with ATDT and GP. It is possible.
You as the family know her best and know what helps and what not.

I have seen many parents here that were let down by the professionals and went their own way. It is possible.
If the decision was good or not you will see looking back.

I in your shoes would do that, too. You are not early days any more, you know what to do, they did not help at all, so what is their support for your d?
If it is more bad than good, leave it.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
My thoughts,
is there a way to pull back from them without burning bridges?
Yes some have done it alone. My concern would be that if you discharge them then in the future if you wish to go back it may be more difficult ie politics.
Can you do a few weeks or months without them but not letting on that you are trying to get on without them. If you are doing well without them, then consider telling them that you will not be following up with them at that point.
Of course those are just my thoughts and I am not in your situation. 
It is so personal a decision I think. I wish you the best.
adding in having the GP support is a good strategy.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
I did it on my own with medical monitoring from a GP. 
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melstevUK
I took my d away from CAMHS, even though she was at a low weight, because they were doing nothing for either of us.  This was over ten years ago  before FBT.
I put her under the GP for weighing.
What would work well if your GP would agree to it, would be for a kind practice nurse to do the weighing and do the encouraging to eat more if weight wasn't going up enough.  Having the GP, a nurse and you as parent would give a nice triangle to fight the ed.  But you would need to be able to speak to the nurse and GP beforehand, if they would be willing to do that.  Probably not as everyone is so desperately busy.  I have always thought that this arrangement could be as successful as attending CAMHS if GP and nurse understood their roles.
You would always be able to re-refer if there was drastic weight loss and it looked as if hospitalisation was required, in any case.  Leaving does not change your future rights.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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sandie
I am sorry Pappy that you have been faced with this tough decision. We all so desperately want the best for our kids and it is awful if the system is not supportive or even doing harm.
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CED123
Sorry Pappy to hear this. our CAMHS is also rubbish, but not as bad as yours. Do you already know that your GP will weigh for you?  Our GP practice refused to do blood tests recently - apparently a practice policy, something to do with joined up services!! I couldn't believe it.  (it didn't affect us this time as I had already booked the nurse before cahms wrote to the gp anyway, but it means next time there will be more hassle and/or a trip to hospital instead.)
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tina72
Is it possible to pay blood tests privatly if they refuse to do them? It might be not that expensive...we need to pay most of them privatly and it is about 70 € every 6 months.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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evamusby_UK
Dear Pappy, I totally get need for a reality-check: are you doing the wrong thing, etc. It's not reckless when you are well informed and supported by forums, books, etc. You seem to be in the UK so you always have the NHS to rescue you if things went in the wrong direction. If you ever wanted to get back into your CAMHS they would be under an obligation to accept you, and they couldn't make you wait too long because of the Access and Waiting Time standard. Books by Laura Collins and Harriet Brown are examples of people who got their child well without a specialist service. It's a shame, but your situation, and decision, is common enough. You are definitely not alone. Courage 🙂
Eva Musby, mother, author, produces lots of resources for parents at https://anorexiafamily.com and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/EvaMusby/playlists
[comp]
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LauraCollins_US
Leaving aside the decision of whether to continue with your particular team, I do want to note that if the reason is that weight discussions are too upsetting you may want to pause. Weight discussions are SUPPOSED to be upsetting and that upset is supposed to be part of the treatment. Ideally, treatment is centered around helping the patient normalize and desensitize that topic, while simultaneously coaching and enabling the parents to not be upset by our kids' distress. If upset by the patient causes the parents to worry and change course, then ED is in charge of the parents and the patient can't move forward. 
Laura (Collins) Lyster-Mensh
F.E.A.S.T. Executive Director
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Ellesmum
I’m also thinking of stopping CAMHs therapy because, well they’re just not good,  I’ve had a thinly veiled threat of them dropping us if our meetings aren’t constructive,  advice to start on weight maintenance and exercise and some utterly ridiculous things said to d that could sabotage all the hard work put in.  

Ours just doesnt understand that that it’s not like being diagnosed with a physical illness where the patient is desperate to get better and back to life, they expect ‘buy in’ from d and offer choices she just wasn’t capable of making.  

I’m not sure if kids should even be seen at all in the earlier months, my feeling is it should be a service for parents and carers only to support them, it certainly wasn’t CAMHs who got my child to eat, in fact they put her back weeks with their stupid meal plans.    I need the psychiatrist for meds but that’s about it.   
Ellesmum
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debra18
Ellesmum I agree with you the appts should be only for the parents.
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CED123
Pappy - how is it going without CAMHS? I am wondering what is the point of our carrying on with camhs given that D won't talk with them, and I have started wondering what is the point of even me talking with them.  Our team is so passive - if they were an athletic coach they would be saying 'go for a jog, see how you do...'.
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