F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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We've spent the last few weeks in re-feeding hell but finally I got a tiny bit of weight back on my 14 yo daughter...adding cream, butter and oil as much as I could to her meals to get those calories in her. In between there have been major meltdowns and at one point she was 5 minutes from being sectioned, having been taken to casualty and then left in a tiny room on her own to scream for five and a half hours while I had to listen and beg someone to help her.

We got through that and she was allowed to go on an overnight school trip that was carefully planned...and for which I produced a sheet containing her calorific intake but made it absolutely clear it was not to be shown to her under any circumstances as we do not deal in terms of calories. It also contained all those extras I was adding.

She returned and I woke up the next morning to find the sheet in a folder marked 'confidential' left on the side in the kitchen for me. This is on top of her doctor on her outpatient's team telling her she'd put on a very small amount when he weighed her. The result? She is restricting like crazy, refusing her meds and my life, already tough as a single mother trying to re-feed her at home, is almost impossible. Help!!!!
She was an inpatient for nearly six months and has been going downhill since she was discharged at the end of February. She is an outpatient at a world famous hospital here in London but we receive very little in the way of support. She is also terrified of going back to hospital but not so much that it stops her from restricting and spitting out her medication as she did tonight.
OMG situations like this make me feel like killing someone. How can people be so blase(sorry can't find a macron) when they are playing with our daughter's lives? 
19yo D, AN since Sept 2014. Was wt restored for a year or two but now starving again, refusing treatment or to admit she has a problem. BMI guesstimate around 13 or 14. Has left home.
Very sad Mum.
Hi - I am sorry it is so awful. If you would like to talk to a fellow London mum, who has been through"the lot" from the age of 15, and now has a daughter in recovery at age 19 for more than a year and a half ( !!!) please pm me or if u wd like to meet for support I am here. It is very very difficult but having done the London rounds ,both private and Nhs, if I can support /advise I will . Its al long journeybut the fact that you are posting on here tells me you are on the case thoroughly . Nobody should ever go through this alone x
Hi LondonMum - Of course you feel like giving up! Anyone in their right mind would much rather give up rather than continue onward into the hell of ED. I'm sure you know that, unfortunately, that's not an option.

Ugh. This vile illness is the worst.

I'm sure you know this, but your d needs to see that not eating is not an option, end of. If this can't happen at home it will need to happen in hospital - if it takes a few admissions (rather than just one) to get there, well, that's what it takes. 

Please let us know how we can help. We're with you in spirit. Hang in there. xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Hi Londonmum, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to give up.  I've been there many a time.  My 15 yr old d refused to eat the very day of her discharge once we'd got her home.  Life here has been hellish these past months what with a suicide attempt and visits to A&E as she'd passed out from drinking too much alcohol.  In recent weeks, the only thing that keeps her motivated to eat is looking forward to doing normal things with her normalish teenage friends.  Being normal is a big motivator for her.  Sorry that I can't impart any words of wisdom.  I, too, am a London mum and if you'd like to meet up for a coffee and a sob (!), do contact me.  I've met a number of mums from this forum and from the London Carers Group and it's always good to talk to people who really get it and have been on the same hideous journey.  xx