F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019 Show full post »
Mamaroo
She's probably trying to finish the meal too quickly and that's why she's gagging. Encourage her to eat slowly and chew properly (I told my d her stomach didn't have teeth). An idea to try is to put a glass of milk or juice in front of her at the start. Tell her to take a couple of sips when she starts to gag. Distraction might also help. Good luck with all your appointments today 🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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PurpleRain
Hi there, I am not a single mom so I can't even imagine how those who are can do it, honestly you are my heroes. My husband works and travels a lot and the worst ED meltdowns happened when he was away (obviously, ED knew i did not have back up), she hit me, kicked me, pushed me) and I felt lonely, desperate, scared (not of her, but for her) and couldn' t talk to anyone else about it. It seems like a life time ago although it's only a few months. Things are MUCH better but I still feel vulnerable (emotionally) and so alone when my husband travels (away all this week ), I really don't have friends or neighbors or family that I can't count for this. Reading this forum is what makes me feel I'm not alone, you guys really get it. WEG IT scaredmom2019, even if we are in slightly different circumstances. It's so hard and relentless. In a way I'm more tired now, although less scared, maybe that is why I feel the exhaustion more. It is indeed a marathon and I did not train for it! Take care of yourself, I'm not great at it but I have found small ways, I need to do more now that things are better but I can't seem to find the energy or the will. My D is being homeschooled, so I don't really get any ME time. Sometimes in the car when I go get my son at school, I arrive I little earlier (like mamaroo) and have 10 minutes alone. You are definitively NOT alone. Keep coming and reading/writing. Ciber hugs to all
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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ValentinaGermania
I would also try to make the gaggling not stop the meal. It is possible that AN learned that she needs to gaggle and then she can finish. Give her a short break to breath through and have some sips of a drink (no water at meals, a caloric drink) and then continue with the meal.
Try to make small footprints with high calories. I also needed to learn that vegetables and fruits only fill the stomach and are "empty" calories at the moment.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sandie
@PurpleRain I understand re exhaustion. Going through a spell of that at the moment. Mental exhaustion takes it’s toll. I find a walk, fresh air, looking at nature helps. Xx
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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Torie
We didn't have gagging, but we did have its evil twin: nausea.  My d started saying she just couldn't eat more or she would vomit (involuntarily).  "Are you going to make me finish this even if it makes me vomit?"  I told her she needed to finish and that if I couldn't help her well enough to be able to do that we would need to go to the hospital where "the experts" could give her better help.

I knew from the true experts (here) that I needed to fake confidence as I said this (no clue whatsoever what would have happened had I taken her to the hospital), and she did make it through that meal.

I have always felt that we barely dodged a bullet on that one because ED is clever and persistent and if a crack is found, ED will force the door wide open.  

So I would encourage you to press on, with confidence (real or faked).  If need be, you might say we will take a 10 minute break.  Distraction is also your friend, and I have been known to use bribes.  Whatever works - all is fair in love and ED.

Please keep us posted - with you in spirit. xx
-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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HealingGypsy
@Scaredmom2019 
Thank you for sharing!!
I am a solo parent, I can relate to the anger explosion, the breakdown, the guilt, the exhaustion, the NO time for anything (I also have another daughter 15 months younger who had her issues as well). So much mental gymnastics. It isn't easy. It's ok to get frustrated. You are managing A lot. I would get sooo upset when my daughter had new behaviors. Sometimes we went back to IOP as I needed the support and break. Years and years of multiple treatment centers and different programs. She she didn't meet criteria,  I had family based therapy that came to my house twice a week. not only family sessions, but individual sessions with my anorexic daughter, but also my other daughter and myself. This disease is all consuming. I also had gotten a peer mentor for her who had benign recovery for years. This gave me a break for a minute or too. epsom salt baths was always good too.
Often I would get up early, and practice yoga, cry, journal write. I went to support groups (such as Alanon, I found many people had children with eating disorders there and learned some tolls for myself-they also have phone meetings if I couldn't sleep or make it to a face to face meeting. 
My heart feels for you. I have felt alone for a lone time, my world has gotten small, and I felt depleted. I do have more breathing room right now. I have made tough decisions. I have blown my cool numbers times over the years. There is always recovery, for you , your daughter and your son. putting yourself at the top of the list is 
essential (I'm still working on this, and all of it) it is a practice. 
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ruoka
I lose my cool with my daughter's ed frequently.  She is making good progress against the ed but its upsetting the ed  spies on me making the food, smashes and picks at certain foods, gets upset when I insist on a fear food and makes me late for meetings. It is tough having to lock the fridge (she waters down the juice and knows better whats there than me. ) and I frequently forget the key.  I work at home but have can spend lots of time preparing and eating meals with her.  I'm not too hard on myself at least now that she is not likely to end up in the hospital tomorrow. Its really tough not having much time for myself. Usually only when I shop and she stays with the neighbors.  Luckily we always are able to talk about things afterward and recognize its just the eating disorder.  I'm hoping she gets back to school soon. The psychologist at the school agreed to eat lunch with her! 
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