F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pingu
OK so most may hate me after this but I need to say it. 
We as a family are taking part in research for a new camhs service so we had the researcher here yesterday asking out thoughts
Here goes. 

So I have had 15 years with an eating jng disorder and have bi polar. I work full time and have a happy life now I've changed my view to my d.

Anorexia is a response to "something" it's findng that something that's hard. Whether it's self esteem, bullying, depression, family issues etc etc it's a person's way of coping. It is the symptom not the cause

My d talks non stop and I let her cos otherwise the thoughts she is saying aloud will go round and round in her head... I so know how that feels. 
What other mental illness do we refuse to engage with?
Anorexia is NOT a different entity it's our young person's anxiety, illness, skewed perspective. 
I allow my d to just be her... She's ill and that's OK. I keep her medically safe but this is a marathon not a sprint. 

She is not just ED that happens to be part of her right now and that's OK. 
My son has autism and the day I accepted this and stopped being scared I got my life back. 

I knkw how my daughter came to where she is and am surprised she managed so long. 

I talk to her all the time and acknowledge her fears... I don't minimise them and I do what I can to help. When digestion is so slow it can be hard at meal times so I tell her to lay down and relax. I know this is whe. The guilt comes so we talk and talk and talk. 

Imaging if you were terrified and someone said I'm not talking about that or here have some more food how would we feel. 

I do not see my daughters anorexia as my problem to solve its what she uses right now to cope and I will do everything to support her. 

I do not now panic all the time I promote a much more relaxed environment and it works.  If I have a packet of crisps I will ask if she wants to smell because I know that smell sense hopefully will turn into wanting to taste... Who doesn't love the fresh bread smell. 

I make food a pleasure with spices and herbs and flavours and textures. 

If we go out I download the menu so she can enjoy the night and not stress about the food and not knowing. 

I have changed and life is good. She's still anorexic but we all see the rainbow 🌈 
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Foodsupport_AUS
I would hope that no one would hate you for expressing your opinion. We all have our own opinions and ideas and no one way is the right way. 

I don't agree with you entirely on how to manage anxiety. I found that acknowledging she was anxious was important. We could even talk about how it made her feel. What didn't help was going over and over and over the obsessive thoughts that she had. It gave them more life and extended the ruminations she had rather than assisting. So yes shutting down some conversations was helpful and in the long run helped her recognise those thoughts as not logical and ED thoughts. 

Our children do have to face their fears daily as part of their treatment, it is essential to have nutritional rehabilitation as part of ED, and food is your fear the only way out is through.  There is a lot of research that suggests that to recover from anxieties it is essential to face them. Exposure therapies have different degrees and how we manage that is really important, but they must be exposed to those fears to recover. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Pingu
Well I don't think this forum is for me. 
I have a lot of experience with mental health and just feel parents are being led down a guilt path 

I have nothing more to say so will now bow out
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deenl
Dear Pingu,

I really hope that this new CAMHS service can be useful to you and your daughter. It does seem that you are walking a different path to most on the forum but there are many ways for our children to return to health and live a good life.  As parents, we must all do what suits our family and situation best. I wish you both the very best and hope that if we on the forum can ever help with anything that you will feel free to post again (no hating involved, I promise!)\

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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mjkz
Pingu, any hate you might be feeling seems to maybe be from your own mind here. You have your opinion and I have mine.  We can disagree but running away because we disagree helps no one.  Maybe this forum isn't for you and I hope you find one that is.
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CED123
Good luck pingu - hope you and your D continue to find a way through this. will be thinking of you.
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sk8r31
Wishing you & your family well Pingu.  Our families are all snowflakes, and we need to find what works for each of ours, and feeling empowered to search out the best way forward is key.  There is no judgment involved...
Sending warm wishes to you.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Mamaroo
Hi Pingu
I'm glad your family is able to participate in a new course of treatment. Wishing you and your family good luck and as always sending you plenty of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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scaredmom
Wishing you the best, Pingu.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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peregrine_USA
Pingu, I sincerely wish you the best of luck on this different path.  I am curious, though, if your daughter takes any medication for her anxiety?
Peregrine_USA
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Torie
Pingu, You are right that we each have to find our own way.  I wish you and your d the best.

To the lurkers and newbies, I have this to say:  I, too, wondered about "treating the symptoms"  without "addressing the underlying problems."  In the end, I found that treating the symptoms was exactly what my d needed (food, food, more food, alongside plenty of caloric beverages).  For many, including my d, requiring her to eat (every day, every meal, every bite) is what restored health and normalcy.

I can't imagine that anyone here hates you, Pingu. We wish you all the best on your journey.
Best,
-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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