F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pingu
So her weight has dropped another 4lbs and she’s getting the shakes Cos her blood sugar levels have dropped.
Have found an inpatient unit that have a bed for her just trying to get camhs to ref
They’ve said she shouldn’t be at school Cos of the risk of fainting etc and she’s devastated at that
I made her eat one slice of pizza when we were out Cos she wouldn’t choose anything and she cried ,snarl d at me and wrote monster on her arm
Overwhelmed is not the word
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Ellesmum
I'm so sorry, I totally understand how scared and overwhelmed you are - you are not alone
Ellesmum
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Enn
Oh Pingu,
It is frightening. I am glad that they will get a bed for her. She does seem to need a higher level of care. Do you know when that will happen?
For us it was a turning point. She was IP and I saw what the nurses were doing and I copied what they fed her and said to her and they made her finish everything. So when she was at home I just told her that was what they did so I would do the same.
This will give you a break too, I hope.

With you in spirit.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Ronson
Oh no - that’s terrible - I hope she gets referred quickly - we will be thinking of you x
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Pingu
I’m just waiting for the psychiatrist to ref to the unit so I’m really hoping that will be tomorrow then they need to assess her. She’s having panic attacks and anxiety too so it’s pretty intense
I feel awful that I’m going behind her back but I need help and this is not being managed at all
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Enn
You are doing what you need to to help your D. It is not going behind her back at all. It is confronting ED and that is what has to happen.
Sending you support.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mumofone
Oh pingu, you must be at your wits end.
Fingers crossed for quick referral, it’s the right thing as your d will get the help she needs.
Thinking of you all x
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Mamaroo
Pingu wrote:
I feel awful that I’m going behind her back but I need help and this is not being managed at all


You are not going behind her back, no sick child can organise treatment I their own.

I hope you get the referral soon.

Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Pingu
I want to just cry and pretend this isn’t happening
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Kali

Dear Pingu,

Go ahead and have a good cry. This is a nightmare but I want to tell you I have been in a similar situation with a very ill daughter and it CAN get better. And it is also heartbreaking. There is a place on the board which has stories of hope. When things were really terrible, it helped me to read some of those because I desperately needed to believe that things could get better even if I couldn't imagine how that was going to happen.

Here is the link if you think it might help distract you a little from the pain you are feeling at the moment:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/road-to-recovery-%E2%80%93-stories-of-hope-5720828?pid=1295299548#gsc.tab=0

You are doing the right thing by getting more help for your daughter. If she is getting the shakes and is in danger of fainting and you feel that she might be in medical danger can you take her to A & E for an assessment? Has her heart rate and electrolytes been assessed?

Hang in there.

Kali

 

Food=Love
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Mamaroo
Pingu wrote:
I want to just cry and pretend this isn’t happening


Cry all you want, we understand. Sending you virtual hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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kazi67
Pingu
Sometimes a higher level of care is necessary if the ED is too strong
It feels scary and I also cried more tears you can imagine
However after 5 months from her admittance (she was IP 2 months, OP 2 months now home for past month) we can say she is back to her old bubbly, happy, funny self
It’s a horrible roller coaster but your d can get better
Once your d is in hospital, Please remember to take the time to rest and look after yourself as your d will need you to help her continue on her road to recovery once out of hospital
xx
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Pingu
Omg
Because we’ve been discharged from camhs they won’t ref to Ip withought being re ref to them. Angry is not the word!
The gp is now sending another emergency ref to camhs god I’m so stressed
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Enn
I am sorry this has been so difficult.
Would your GP consider sending to the emergency dept directly? Or does the admission depend on the CAMHS referral.. If she is medically compromised, the emergency (A+E) should be able to assess for admission no matter if there is ref from CAMHS, I would think. But I don't know your system.

I hope this happens ASAP.
Warmly,
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Ping_Pong
Are you able to self-refer to CAMHS?  I know we were tole we could in the case of a relapse.  It meant missing out the middle man of the GP.  
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Ronson
Yep - when my d got worse I just called camhs - miss out gp x
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Pingu
The gp is really good he’s sending the emergency ref today he’s been very supportive. It’s camhs who have been a nightmare they don’t listen or explain anything and it feel like they’re just being difficult Cos she wouldn’t engage with them . They kept threatening ip and then said he was way off that so guess what she lost another half a stone. Talk about mixed messages . It’s all the other stuff that’s so concerning like the mood swings,paranoia and anxiety. She’s restrictive anorexic so is really struggling to eat no matter how much coaxing,tough love etc we give her
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4kgc
I am so sorry! I can hear and feel your grief and fear—and I too have been there. I can also hear your great frustration and bewilderment at navigating the system you need to access her care. Keep pushing and calling to get her that IP support that she needs. I HATE this disease and what it does to our kids. You are doing exactly the right things to help her. She will not see that now, but you are.
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Hibiscus
Hey Pingu, the best thing your d has going for her is you. It is tough and scary but you will get this. Has your gp done the blood pressure tests mentioned befor? Ie. laying down then standing up? If blood pressure is compromised she may need medical admission. Hopefully your gp is all over this but I would be tempted to present to the emergency dept of local hospital to get this done. Is there someone who could go with you for moral support? This may kick cams up the butt!
Sending you a virtual hug 🤗
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Pingu
Oh god I really don’t know what to do.
Do I let her go back to school Cos she’s desperate and use that as leverage to eat?
I’m stuck in this red tape nightmare and I just feel like screaming
I’m trying not to take her to a and e Cos I think that will be traumatic for her and believe me she is very very fragile at the moment
I feel like such dithering wreck
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Mamaroo
Pingu wrote:
The gp is really good he’s sending the emergency ref today he’s been very supportive.


That's good news. I hope you'll be hearing from them soon.

Sending lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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deenl
Hi Pingu,

Pingu wrote:
I’m trying not to take her to a and e Cos I think that will be traumatic for her and believe me she is very very fragile at the moment

I really, really understand about fragile. I honestly believe that my son was at the very end of his thether. He was so ill that we had very little margin for trial and error, both physically and mentally. At the end of the day we did have to bring him to hospital and it was one of the worst days of my life and horrifically traumatic for him but his heartbeat and blood pressure were so low that it was dangerous. It was also the day recovery began.

There are very real health dangers to being so undernourished. So 48 hours with only minimal food or 24 hours with only a few mouthfuls of water mean a possible life threating situation that can only be assessed by medical staff. You also need to keep her room and the whole house warm. I have seen on our home monitor how my son's heart beat dipped into the 20s when he got cold but went back up when he warmed up. If she has pins and needles or faints she also need urgent medical assessment no matter how stressful for you both. 

Pingu wrote:
I feel like such dithering wreck

Oh, so been there, done that. It's hard. Scenario planning is what worked for me. Things like, if he doesn't eat for 24 hrs (he was so ill the doctor shortened the times) the I call H and we manhandle him into car to hospital. If he locks himself in his room and is self harming then I call the crisis team. The more difficult ones were the grey areas where he ate enough to avoid a trip to A&E but not enough to improve health and with those scenarios I just had to try different things to see what worked for us.

I used to wake up and think of one extra thing every morning that would bring us closer to health. I began with serving 6 meals a day at regular times, it took a few weeks before he regularly ate but setting up the structure was the start.

Despite all our efforts, we needed a stint in hospital to get us started so I hope you get good news soon.

Wishing you strength and courage,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Enn
Pingu, 
I just wish you to consider something.
You say she is very very fragile and you are worried about traumatising her if you take her to A+E. I would suggest that BECAUSE she is so ill, she is fragile and SHOULD be taken to A+E.
May I ask what would traumatised her at the A+E?  From what you post, she really is in dire need of medical not necessarily mental health help, at the moment. Again to reframe, if someone was having a heart attack, and did not wish to go to the hospital, we know that they should....

I hope today is better.
Love, 
scaredmom
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Ellesmum
I agree with A &E I had to go twice last week and they were ever so kind x
Ellesmum
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NELLY_UK
A&E is the route you need to take to get her checked over fully. A big no to school - life STOPS until you eat. You don’t bargain with something to eat, the eating has to come first when she is this ill.
A&E is definitely where you should be. I don’t understand why it will be traumatic. It is necessary at this fragile state.
Good luck, you are fighting for your daughters life, so do what you need to do to get her the medical safety she needs.
Xxx
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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