F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Becs
God I didn't think I'd be posting this so soon.... my D had been home from IP 5 days out of 7 for the past 2 months. Fully discharged last week. We had been getting on brilliantly with the meal plan and meals in restaurants .... no issues except for the odd 'are you sure this is the right amount?' She has her period back and is nearly weight restored (probably is - hasn't been weighed for a couple of weeks) She suffered from exercise compulsion but we had been allowing a daily walk with Mum or Dad + Dog. A time for reflection and chat which had been lovely. We had a girlie night in a hotel last weekend with lots of shopping and 6 meals/snacks in restaurants or picnicking in the park. All sublime and completely free of issues - lots of 'yum yums' with all the different foods. She went back to school 3 days ago.

Today, there has been marching off on the walk, crying, lashing out, threatening no cooperation with the FBT therapist (we are going back next week), not wanting to go on a school trip tomorrow, more crying.... its like a different child to the one who has been healing for the past 6 months. No refusal of food but it feels close. I'm pretty shell shocked but objectively, I guess its not surprising. The cushion of IP is now officially gone. She feels weird at school because we come in to supervise lunch. School is one big melee of 'normal' kids.

I feel we will need to ready ourselves for a big blip. I'm not really sure what I'm asking here but does anyone have any pearls of wisdom? I feel stunned as she had been doing so well and seemed to have huge insight and motivation. This is happening only in the last few hours. Do I give her space to adjust or come in with the full metal apron? Thanks x
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scaredmom

HI Becs,
Transitions are so hard. Recovery is not linear. There will be triggers for them and it can be a monumental task for them to be in "recovery mode"  all the time.  If it helps, this is expected. It may be the first, and likely not the last "episode". I know it can take you aback. School can be a big one. Of course with you going to school with her and still appearing "different" to the others can make her self conscious. 

As you have noticed it right now, I don't think it is a blip per se, but a normal part of the healing and integration into a more normal environment with AN.  I know I say this  a lot, but it does take time. You and she are figuring out what her triggers/worries are and how to deal with them while managing ED. 

Sending a big hug.  I see ED more when d is stressed and we just take a breath, regroup and move it forward, always with supports/structure in place. You've got this. 
We are here to help.


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Becs
@scaredmom Thanks for that and the much needed hug. I have to give myself a bit of space to acknowledge that perhaps I don't have the miracle kid who heals fast. A breath and a regroup is what's needed (and currently, a good few glasses of wine)
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Foodsupport_AUS
As has been said, things are not linear. Given the changes in the last few days it may be that she is finding the return to school extremely anxiety provoking. The other thing may be that ED has been giving her a harder time. Pushing her to exercise when out of view, ?purging. All things which can happen when the level of direct supervision decreases. Her increased activity may be resulting in a negative energy balance. She may need more food to keep up with this. 

Her desire as a teen to be "normal" may also be playing a part in this. Hold steady. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Mamaroo
My d had a huge meltdown when we return home from IP. My hubby even video recorded it. I think the return to school is very hard especially if she wants to be 'normal' like the rest of her friends. They all react differently when stressed, if they are at the beginning of the journey, they restrict again, further in the journey my d self harmed, so take away any sharps, like kitchen knives, scissors, pins, even sharp pencils. Go through her stuff and confiscate evrything which might be used - the other day I even found badges in my draw which I took away. Also hide cleaning products such as bleach, drain cleaner etc, you would be suprised what you can clean with only dishwashing liquid. 

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!! 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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kazi67
My d returned from her IP stays a mess 
crying the whole way home, self harming, running away, we actually thought she had lost her mind one night after she was delusional 
It was very scarey and worrying 
I slept with her, massaged her, listening to soothing music and deep breathing also helped 
its like everything “normal” and “back into the real world” she did or thought about caused EXTREME anxiety
hopefullly things will settle down with your d
be vigilant she is eating all her meals and snacks as the extra activity of “getting back to the real world and living life” also makes them extremely tired
my d still naps each afternoon 
so much healing going on 
x

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scaredmom
HI Becs, 
How is it going? Just thinking about you.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Becs
Hey @scaredmom Thanks for checking in. So perhaps I overreacted a little. Things had been going so well maybe I'd got complacent and wasn't really prepared for the bumps in the road. She is doing OK though there are some behaviours that are still worrying me. We had our first FBT after discharge yesterday and it went pretty well. Her weight is still increasing and she was able to vent a little about my helicopter parenting :-)  I decided to leave my list of worries for another day and let her gently get to know the therapist again. She is happy to be back at school and the sense of normality that brings so that's huge. We agreed to hand over one lunch a week to a 'WhatsApp video' which have been working really well for snack. Baby steps.... Thanks all xx
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scaredmom
That is good to hear. I am glad things are settling. 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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