F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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pricie
My husband is ill and not able to give the support I need at the moment to refeed D. I have other family members and friends on a roster system to help me with evening meals.
After a meal from hell tonight with my mum doing her best to be supportive, just wondering the best way to brief my support people to be consistent and encouraging without being a  trigger at meal times? 
I don’t want to offend these lovely people but they often say triggering things and I’m wondering if I might be better doing this on my own, as difficult as that will be?
Its difficult for them to understand the intensity and craziness of this journey.
If you are going through hell, keep going. 
           Winston Churchill
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Human
Hello, I am a single parent and I have been re feeding my ten year old daughter since the end of March all on my own. It has been a difficult task to say the least, but now in August, she can eat with her dad and other family members on her own. I guess more the brain is healing, the less she struggles to eat with anyone but me. 
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Enn
It depends on how they each like to be educated. Some may need you to talk to them others may need materials to read or watch. 
Here is a good resource:


I understand you not wishing to offend anyone, and I understand if you need to go it alone for awhile. I would keep the doors open in case you need them back for support, though. But if they are not helping you, it may be less onerous for you to do it alone.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
It is really hard to get everyone on the same page. Sometimes it just can't happen no matter how hard you try. I am a single parent and had always worked full time as did my friends. That left people who could help very thin on the ground, I also come from a very small family. Firstly I found it helped to be pragmatic. The most important thing was that the right food went in every day. She also had to be kept safe, as she was suicidal and frequently also self harmed. I found having clear guidelines about those goals to be the most helpful. As time went on I spent more time talking about things like diet talk, body talk etc. but early on it was make sure she is safe and the food goes in. Sometimes asking for help with non ed things can free you up to feel that you can manage the task at hand too. 
I did encourage people to read "skills based caring" - which offers some ideas about how to respond to ED language. I think the FEAST family guide documents are also pretty helpful and a short read, and free as starters. I found just talking about her ED not really helpful, it always seemed to go off on the wrong tangent. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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mjkz
I found it much easier to have my support people do other things than feed my daughter.  I fed her and had my supports bring food, shop, clean, distract her after the meal or snack with the understanding that no comments be made about food, etc. Once she was further along with feeding, I let them take her out, etc. but I found refeeding was easiest if I was doing it.
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pricie
Thanks so much for your responses.  I am in effect doing this on my own as husband not living with us.  I think the idea of getting others to do other things is a good suggestion, I hadn’t considered this.  It’s just too hard sometimes to get others to help with refeeding. They mean well, but don’t really get it.  
If you are going through hell, keep going. 
           Winston Churchill
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PurpleRain
Hello and welcome although nobody wants to join this club it is a real life saver. I do have a husband who is totally on board but works long hours so during the week I'm on my own with my kids and did most of the refeeding on my own. He helped (and still does) a lot during weekends. The others (my mom, dad, siblings and family in law) help in other ways even sometimes unknowingly , taking my youngest somewhere fun, taking both my kids for a bit, just being there sometimes made things easier (sometimes not). We eat in my father in law's house once a week, and by providing delicious, old fashion, nutritious and caloric food he helps a lot. Every body gets the food plated so I can relax a bit (my d never found eating there difficult for some reason). My friends who know nothing provide some ED free time when I meet them. And here I can unload. So it has worked for me to do most of the feeding and get help in other ways (also a cleaning lady comes once a week, huge help!).
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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PurpleRain
Hello and welcome although nobody wants to join this club it is a real life saver. I do have a husband who is totally on board but works long hours so during the week I'm on my own with my kids and did most of the refeeding on my own. He helped (and still does) a lot during weekends. The others (my mom, dad, siblings and family in law) help in other ways even sometimes unknowingly , taking my youngest somewhere fun, taking both my kids for a bit, just being there sometimes made things easier (sometimes not). We eat in my father in law's house once a week, and by providing delicious, old fashion, nutritious and caloric food he helps a lot. Every body gets the food plated so I can relax a bit (my d never found eating there difficult for some reason). My friends who know nothing provide some ED free time when I meet them. And here I can unload. So it has worked for me to do most of the feeding and get help in other ways (also a cleaning lady comes once a week, huge help!).
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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