F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Navarana
we have been at FBT since november. Really, really tough. D (my husbands) 14 years old has been in the hospital and is now in a day programme for breakfast and lunch - rest of the meals at home. We have good meals and bad meals, but we saw some positive chance in the last week or so: more energi, more smiles, more presence... but then today she managed to purge right after dinner because of a moment of unawareness on our part. Can’t help feeling low and being dissapointed, beacuse we really feel things are getting better. She is now able to see that she is sick, which is a huge step... but now this and i just got so sad and worried again. why does she purge when she knows she is sick? How much is she lying to us? She is talking about getting well and about suffering from ED. How long will they keep purging and what is this about? Is there a thread on this? Just frustrated and sad. 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you have had to find your way here. 

What you are describing is very normal and very typical. Our children are tormented by their illness, but they also commonly both want to get better and don't want to get better. What happens then is they get pushed into sometimes lying (when normally they are incredibly honest), hide behaviours that they normally would not do. Our job is to protect them from their illness, so making sure they are fed, doing our best to stop them from purging, limiting their activity etc.. As their body recovers and their nutrition improves often their thoughts do too. It is common for this to take a long time. Much longer than we want it to. Several years is typical and many say it is not unusual for seven years to full recovery. 

You can search the forum by using the search tool at the top. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Kali

Dear Navarana,

It is a very difficult journey and perhaps trying to take things one day at a time can help. There will be difficult days and there will be setbacks. But every day is a new opportunity to try to have a better day and to make sure all meals are eaten and that no purging happens. Perhaps imagine that each day you start again with a clean slate.You mentioned that she has had some good days recently and she will have them again. We all know the bitter disappointment of thinking that things are getting better only to have an episode which makes it seem as though they are not. How are you presently handling bathroom time after she eats? Some families have found it helpful to have their kids use the bathroom before eating and then not for a couple of hours afterwards. After meals, spending some time together and trying to do some activities, whether it is crafts, television, homework, talking, reading, playing games, walking the dog, etc can help keep her mind off the urges she might have to purge as well as any discomfort she feels after eating, and she will be supervised so that she doesn't have the opportunity to act on the urges. 

Recovery is not a straight line. There will be setbacks and sometimes it might feel as though it is two steps forward, one step back, etc, but this is normal for the illness. Slow steady support both at home and from her team, and helping to keep her safe from the eating disorder will give her the best chances of recovering.

I cannot answer the question about how long she will continue to purge, only that by taking firm steps to not give her the opportunity to be able to purge can help her move forward. 

warmly,

Kali


 

 

Food=Love
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ValentinaGermania
Navarana wrote:
we have been at FBT since november. Really, really tough. D (my husbands) 14 years old has been in the hospital and is now in a day programme for breakfast and lunch - rest of the meals at home. We have good meals and bad meals, but we saw some positive chance in the last week or so: more energi, more smiles, more presence... but then today she managed to purge right after dinner because of a moment of unawareness on our part. Can’t help feeling low and being dissapointed, beacuse we really feel things are getting better. She is now able to see that she is sick, which is a huge step... but now this and i just got so sad and worried again. why does she purge when she knows she is sick? How much is she lying to us? She is talking about getting well and about suffering from ED. How long will they keep purging and what is this about? Is there a thread on this? Just frustrated and sad. 


To be honest, she will purge until she has no possibility to do it. To get rid of purging is very hard. One moment you put your back on them and bang. They do it again. She needs 1:1 supervision for a long time to be able to stop it.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Navarana
Thank you very much for your answers. This disease is just evil. She really struggles and it is hard to watch. I think we underestimated the power of the urge to purge... the hard thing is that she is a teenager and she also wants to be left alone sometimes which we Think is normal and understandable. So it is hard to find the balance between giving her the Space and supervising. We don’t let her ude the bathroom after metals alone unsupervised. Yesterday was our fault. 

She really does not want to be with us sometimes. And sometimes when she feels better she want to. But it feels very hard to trepass her boundaries when she wants space... maybe we are giving her to much time alone, but it is so hard and also feels wrong in a Way to insist when she really just screams and want to be alone. And often her mood gets better after a while in her Room. Thanks again. I couldn’t find the search til, but i will look again. 
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Foodsupport_AUS
If you have a look at the forum use guidelines - pinned thread a the top of the forum - it shows where to find the search tool for both phone and pc. There is always one at the bottom of each page too.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Navarana
Thanks again!
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