F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Barberton Show full post »
Scaredmom2019
I just want to say it was my D's legs that also broke my heart. I think back to only 4 months ago when I really realized what was happening.... it is like PTSD.
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Barberton
I hadn't really thought about it as PTSD, but I often think back to standing in the shower at the hospital with my d, making sure she didn't collapse or get caught up in her NG tubes, and it always fills me with a feeling of dread and panic. Even as I feel her bones when I give her a hug just takes my breath away. But I keep hugging her bc she needs me to.
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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ValentinaGermania
A lot of us have carer burnout or PTSD. It was a war and a horrible and very dramatic episode in our lives...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Seashell
I might be a fool, as I've already damaged one friendship over this, but I can't let it go and I call people out on it whenever I can without making a scene. Its probably doing my own mental health no good but it makes be feel better in the short term. I also have started writing to organisations, etc. when I see stuff that is unhelpful at best and downright damaging at worst. e.g. weighing kids at school. I believe campaigning IS cutting through, albeit its usually celebrity voices that count. 
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needhelp
Hello - I have to agree with Valentina - your house, your rules.  I know that is tough.  My mom has a tendency to talk about weight.  I have told her that given what we have been through that is not a topic I would like to discuss at all. She will be coming to visit in two weeks, and I keep reminding her not to bring anything up about weight or looks.  I have learned that the most benign comment could be taken the wrong way.  Hopefully not now - but no way am I going to take a chance.  I don't think my D really cares about what is said in the millions of ads - its when it comes from people that she loves that it seemed to previously have affected her (she told me later some comments that sort of edged her on - some were ones she heard about other people).  For us, I don't think it is worth it.  Ironically, when I took her to the doctor for an illness a few weeks ago, she got on the scale looking the other way (so as not to see her weight), and the tech later looked at her previous weight from last year (she was WR) and her current weight and said, "Guess I'm not the only one who gained weight over the holidays." Yes - I thought I was going to pass out - didn't want to make a scene in front of D. D just kind of shook her head when the tech left the room and told me not to worry about it. So, we never really know - but I do think that most people who have fought the battles we have fought become hyper sensitive about this topic.  So glad it affected me more than her!! ðŸ˜‚
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Barberton

needhelp my d was also impacted more by the conversations around her than by media.

One aspect of EDs that I struggle with is the 'filter' it puts on what my d hears. She's really smart with tremendous wit, so I assume that she 'gets' what someone is saying to her. But I've come to realise that the ED filters and twists words into different meanings. I've started to be much more abrupt with my d - not mean, but succinct - because the more I try to reason or explain the more twisted the ED makes things for my d. This is super hard to come to terms with, so imagine how difficult the concept is for other people.

I listened to the book, "How to Communicate Like a Buddhist" which I found really helpful. It helped me to calm right down when trying to convey things to others, including my d. I recently had a moment talking to my d in which I could feel the anger and frustration rising inside my chest. Once I recognised it, I took a deep breath and changed the subject. I've also been thinking about what my stock-standard responses will be to people like my sister-in-laws so that I'm prepared and can stay calm. There are so many times when I think that others will class me as the 'crazy mum who thinks everyone has an ED". I am that crazy mum and I do think a lot of people have disordered eating, but that doesn't mean what I'm saying doesn't have value. It just means I need to say things in a much more meaningful and constructive way.

D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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