F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
My D has always had a large sweet tooth. Right now she would rather eat carrots than ice cream but she will eat the ice cream if I say so (and I do say so!). I hear so much about tackling fear foods but I'm not sure what my D's are. Maybe we are already doing this? I know there are things she would prefer not to eat (pizza, ice cream) but she will eat it at program and at home. Should I be doing something more with tackling fear foods? Dont want to miss this important step during early recovery work.

As  always - thank you!! You all are THE best
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Enn
For us everything was a fear food so we had to tackle it right away. My d did not want sweets, fried foods, cheese, cakes, sauces, nuts . 
So if she eats everything then just present different foods and see how it goes. Is there something she used to love and now says she would never have?  That may be the fear. It is odd, some are scared of cheese but not ice cream?  Is it a drink? Is it sugar? They have their quirks for sure and it is not logical. 
If there is something she is avoiding, work on that. 
All the best.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Scaredmom2019
That makes sense. I can for sure see there are some foods that are harder than others so I'll keep pushing the ones that seem more challenging. 

I've been doing morning smoothies and they are getting harder to do each day. She says she is sick of them but cant identify an alternative yet. Today she literally ran to the toilet and was dry heaving after half a smoothie. Could it be from the canola oil I've added to it? Making it frothy and thick like. I don't know. She is also getting angry at me - totally new. Given me looks that could kill and being rude and standoff-ish. Oh I hate hate hate this.
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Torie
I wonder if you have tried shakes instead of smoothies.  I used to make shakes with premium ice cream (way more expensive and way more calories per cup) and whipping cream.  Very easy to make.

My d developed a weird hatred of milk.  One evening she sat down to dinner and exclaimed (horrified):  "Why did you give me a MILK SHAKE?!?"

I said, "Well, you have been complaining a lot when I give you milk so I decided to give you a shake this time."

She complained about her milk a lot less after that. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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deenl
She is also getting angry at me - totally new. Given me looks that could kill and being rude and standoff-ish. Oh I hate hate hate this.


My son became like this too. In the beginning he was so sick, he didn't have the energy and his emotions were totally dulled. As he improved his emotions came back but were really all over the place. You know, they're just kids really. It must feel so scary and confusing to them to have such a serious illness where you no longer feel like yourself and don't know which way is up. It's no wonder they lash out at us, their nearest and dearest. It's horrible to be on the receiving end but it does pass. And the other side is full of special moments that more than make up for it. Hang in there.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Scaredmom2019
Great advice as always! I have never spent so much money on food nor cried as many tears. So glad you are all here!
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PurpleRain
The first time my daughter freaked out early in refeedng, was when I announced to her that next day I will serve eggs for breakfast. Suffice to say I ended up with bruises. But she atet them and eggs became a regular at breakfast. I'm not sure if it was a specific fear food or just mom talking about food and eating.  I don't remember fear foods as such but I remember making a list of food she hadn't had recently and start offering everything on that list. As soon as possible. She ate everything, not without difficulty and  some more bruises on me. Recently (September) we went to Johnny rockets on her birthday (we were on a theme park an ended up eating there) and every body order hamburgers except her. I offer her half of mine and I noticed ED resistance. She had a few bites and I made a mental note. A few weeks later we were lucky and at my FIL's (we  eat there once a week) they served hamburgers! I made sure she had one. Still didn't enjoyed it but she ate it all. So I'll give her another one soon. And I'll check if there is anything else I should be offering.
Good luck to you!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Scaredmom2019
Yes so true Purple Rain. Are you in the midwest? You have Purple Rain as a name and you were at an amusement park with Johnny Rockets 🙂 

Interestingly I stumbled on something last night. I have a cupboard full of Pop Tarts. She loved those. Now they sit taking up needed space and untouched. Needless to say, I know what tomorrow's breakfast will be! Wish me luck!
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Enn
Go for it! The hardest part is taking the first step!
wishing you well.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
Think about what she ate 2 years before ED moved in and does not want to eat today.
Think about what all normal teenagers love to eat and she will not.

Normally it is about food that is processed or fatty and cheesy or fast food.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mommiful
I think a lot of people have trouble with anything new, regardless of what it is. So, keep mixing it up.

We had sort of the opposite problem: she would eat something the first time, but start refusing it after the second or third time. So, keep on bringing things back so they don't slip back onto the list of forbidden foods. 

I had to watch out for any food that she seems too happy to have, especially if it's nutrient-dense. It seems like every time we found something that really delivered and didn't provoke a lot of resistance, we would later discover that she had been getting rid of parts of her portion or tampering with the supplies in the fridge/pantry.
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PurpleRain
Not a Midwestern I'm further south. Good luck with the pop tarts! Keep us posted
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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Barberton
Good question Scaredmom2019. I am about to tackle this with my d.

There are the obvious fears that surface such as "how much butter are you spreading on the toast?" My guess is that fear foods typically (and this is a gross generalisation) are foods they enjoyed/got pleasure out of before the illness, and foods that make them feel bloated or too full.

Since we are out of the argumentative phase, I might pass on asking her to list her fear foods. Why focus on them? Instead, focus on the reaction/emotional response when served food. The trick for me is distinguishing between a genuine dislike and a fear. My d runs the line "I hate potatoes, especially mashed." I can't recall now if this was the case before AN or not. I have to take the approach of "it's what's for dinner tonight, so we all have to eat it". As long as something is being consumed to replace the potatoes, then let her maintain her preference so she has some sense of control. I guess?
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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Torie
Barberton wrote:
My d runs the line "I hate potatoes, especially mashed." I can't recall now if this was the case before AN or not. I have to take the approach of "it's what's for dinner tonight, so we all have to eat it". As long as something is being consumed to replace the potatoes, then let her maintain her preference so she has some sense of control. I guess?

It's tricky.  Sometimes ED makes them say they hate the foods they really love.  Other times it is just weird - for example, my d claimed to hate milk, which she had had every single day of her life.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Scaredmom2019
I think found one! She asked what's for breakfast at program (I send meals with her some days) and I said Pop Tarts! She rolled her eyes and said "of course". Bingo!
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Enn
There you go! Sometimes when they say they will never eat X again then that is what  they really want. 
Let us know how it goes!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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lorionline
Should we write down the "fear foods" or just ask her what they are? This may be a very 101 question but we are new on our journey.
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Enn
Hi lorionline,
Some kids have been able to tell us their fear foods , others cannot. My d did not tell us fear foods I just had to glean that from her reaction to certain foods. She would say no macaroni and cheese and I found out she did not want cheese. Well she threw the cheese into the garbage while I was making it.  When she had more anxiety with the food and tossed it, then I learned.
how can we help you?
please ask any questions you have.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
I wrote down all she does not eat now and ate 2 years before ED moved in and here it was possible to work that list down with her together but a lot of patients are not able to. There is no rule. You can do it like you think is best for your familiy. And here is no question a 101, you can ask all you need!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
If you do make a list, you may want to sit with your d and sort it into three categories along the lines:
1.  I will eat this
2.  I will eat this one day soon
3.  I cannot imagine eating this

And then you can make a plan to move items from #2 to #1 (and #3 to #2).  For example, you can require her to move one or two items per week.  Those who have done something along these lines could tell you exactly what they did if you are interested. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Foodsupport_AUS
My D had no particular fear foods, however it was all about food preparation and calories. She wanted everything steamed, it had to be particular brands, etc. At the same time she could eat pre-packaged snacks of any variety including cheese. This was all so her ED could calculate in her head how many calories was in everything. She didn't need access to IT. A dietitian told me she was pretty accurate as when given a menu to choose from she could always pick the lowest calorie options. 

This meant that we never truly had to do fear food challenges. What we needed to do was mix things up, take things out of packages. Eating out was something that came later, the unknown of food prep was a problem. Now however she eats all types of foods, fast foods, restaurants. The last thing to go for her was meats- she was pescatarian for a long time but since the new boyfriend came along she eats all meats as well ðŸ˜‰
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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