F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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StepbyStep
My D is 16 and in a relapse with AN. I could see that the ED was returning at the end of last summer but it was much more devious this time around. No one would listen to me and the psychiatrist told me not to hassle her and back off and that she would then eat. Over 3 months she lost so much weight despite me begging the psychiatrist for support. Finally a letter to him and copied to my Doctor listing all of the symptoms and behaviours got their attention and some support for us.

We started FBT Maudlesy method early late December. We have stabilised weight and are gradually reintroducing some foods after a severely restricted diet. Macaroni cheese this week for the first time in at least 8 months!!! She is eating 3 meals a day but not all of what has been asked of her and certainly not overall enough cals to weight gain but I am struggling to get her to change that. All her monthly tests come back normal so her response is that -"I am okay, I am clearly fine..." her bmi is 16 and is clearly not fine.

I know we need to hang on to the positives:

Now eating three meals a day
Eating more than 500 cals a day
Does not want to be taken out of college
Does not want to be in hospital
Gradually reintroducing foods
Now eating quorn (vegetarian protein in her diet)

Like many posts I have read on here she decided to become a vegetarian some time ago (now I see that this is part of the ED as she also wanted to go Vegan and I said no way to that but as I am do not eat much meat myself although I do eat chicken and some pork, thought vegetarian was okay, now I feel differently..)

She has remained stable for 3 months but we are not moving forward with weight gain and in fact she is terrified of weight gain, which I totally get as that is all part of it. I just do not know how to help her move forward. I have read many books and we are still currently getting some support but I don't feel that it is really being very helpful.

If anyone can share anything about what may have helped their S or D to move forward I would be so grateful.

Thank you lovely people.










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Torie
Hi StepByStep - So sorry for all the difficulty.

I wonder how you got your d to a proper weight the first time around? Do you think that same approach would work this time? Honestly, it sounds like things have gone quite far south so will require a very firm approach by you and/or qualified professionals. Since your d is 16, there is no time to lose on this - you have lots of parental authority right now that will be fading fast as she gets a bit older. 

Can you please tell us a little more of your story so we can understand how you won Round 1?

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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sk8r31
Hi StepbyStep,

So sorry that you and your d are in such a difficult place at the moment.  Clearly, you & she are 'stuck' and having a hard time making the changes that will move her towards health and recovery.

Seems like you definitely need more support to help you challenge your d's ED behaviors. Hitting things as hard as is possible should be what you are aiming towards.

I wonder if you have seen the recent Eva Musby video about how to move forward to help your child when you are 'stuck'?  If not, you may find it very helpful.  Here is a link to that.  I've watched it, and think it provides some very good, concrete ideas on how to move forward.

Sending strength and support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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StepbyStep
Hi, thanks for the replies and encouragement.

First time around she was younger, more compliant with eating and not quite so restricted. She was very depressed and kept saying treat that and the rest will follow and it did. She was put on Prozac, not a decision taken lightly, but she was close to breaking down. Some CBT and Prozac and my support with eating and eventually she weight restored. She told me one day she had had enough of the ED and wanted to get better. I kept telling her to tell the ED to sod off and eventually she did.

Now she says she is the happiest she has ever been with her body ( she hated it so much she would cry when she was in the shower - she told me recently.) She is not depressed this time. Loves college, high achiever, distinctions for all her grades. Adamant she is fine at her current weight and making her restore will spiral her into depression. That was in response to my saying, nothing bad will happen if you put some weight on. I know this is all the skewed thinking of the ED but it has taken a much stronger hold this time, much worse than before and it's sneakier and more clever than before. I cannot refer to that ED in your head now. " It's me my head I am not two people," is her response. She loves college it is her passion now but also she knows that more weight loss potentially means no college, so is cleverly maintaining her weight just above the threshold!

Yes I have the Eva Musby book, have read the chapter and watched the video but nothing I say will shift D's thoughts and fears at the moment. A review follows soon, so we will see what that brings.
Boy this is so exhausting. My heart goes out to everyone else going through this as well. It was Eva's website that brought me here to this site.

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mjkz
Unfortunately there is no answer other than doing it.  I have been through this many times with my own daughter and have nothing that will help her get over the terror of weight gain prior to doing it.  You just have to do it and hang on tight for the ride.
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Torie
StepbyStep wrote:
She loves college it is her passion now but also she knows that more weight loss potentially means no college, so is cleverly maintaining her weight just above the threshold!


Hmmm ... I'm not sure how this unfortunate "threshold" was established, but it needs to go. As you are seeing, it is not a threshold in any meaningful sense - it is an unhealthy weight, pure and simple. Maybe (?) it was an ok weight a few years ago, but teens need to gain weight each year through the teen and young adult years - what is "enough" is very individual and a moving target as they get older.

I'm going to be blunt and say that if you continue to accept this "threshold" weight, your d will not recover. I know this is much much easier said than done, but the "threshold" needs to be done away with and your d needs to gain weight. Please let us know if you would like us to help brainstorm ideas for how you might go about this.

Take care. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

"How do we move forward and get over the terror of weight gaining?"

I like your title question, because the answer to it addresses the central difficulty of 
ed treatment.

The answer is that the question is backwards.
First, the sufferer has to gain the weight. After THAT, the terror goes away.

Or in other words, sorry, the only way out is through.

Olanzapine is the only med I've read about that actually helps people eat more easily during refeeding. Otherwise, it's just facing terror, six times a day, until the terror gets old and goes away. IS olazapine a possiblity for your d?

I agree, that a threshold needs to be a minimum healthy weight. a weight at which there are NO symptoms. (Actually at least 5 pounds above that.) 

Have you read the MAgic Plate page? are you doing Magic Plate?

best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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StepbyStep
Dear all thanks so much for your various replies it really helps to talk to people about this who understand.

1. I know we have to weight gain, no discussion but it has been really hard to get her to do so.

2. I do not feel that confident in the support we have been receiving. They have not really helped at all - or her key worker - in helping us to push...you cannot stay at this weight, if you do so there will be no college. I have been saying to D we are here to support you to Remain in college - rather than take you out. Otherwise, she will not go to the clinic and be weighed and we lose all communication. The fact she will (just about) still go to the clinic, given last time was a terrible experience, tells me she really wants to be helped but clearly if the professionals do not tell it how it is ( backing us up) that does not help our case. She had a very full on meeting with the dietitian some weeks ago who was brilliant. Brutal but brilliant. Although D was in bits and crying screaming I cannot do this, something switched to help her then at least eat 3 meals a day and gradually begin reintroducing foods. I have asked 4 times now for the last 4 weeks for a follow up meeting with this woman, saying D really listened and respected her ( she is also a mother of teens and mentioned that). D said she needed to be told that. 4 times I have asked!!! I really felt she was the only person D listened to.

My husband recently lost most of his work and I am now the main earner and have already taken some time off and am just weighing up my annual leave and non paid in case a total several week stay at home re feed is what I have to do. Husband is trying to be helpful but is depressed and really a bit lost in all of this and was no support at all last time around. Our relationship on a marital basis is rubbish but we are trying hard as friends to work together on this. Not helped by the fact he does not eat sensibly. Rarely has breakfast, may have toast at about 3pm then a late supper and will not eat all of that!!! ARGHHHH

D does not really get on with dad, he makes and has made little effort to engage with her ( also not close to three grown up children..) Soooo the whole thing is complicated and a nightmare and I feel like a one parent family.

So back to the D. We have the review tomorrow. I have spoken to the team and they have said they will raise the bar...2 weeks to start putting weight on or out of college!!

I am finding it really hard to try and focus on work anyway but we need money ( was signed off by Doc for stress). Desperately searching for totally home based work. Juggling depressed husband who will not seek help, a job and a daughter with an ED and a close family bereavement on Xmas eve am trying really hard to hold it all together.

They will not prescribe more Prozac for D if they do not think she is depressed but it's weird the relapse started happening after she came off it and I know she is a very anxious sort of child and that did get better when she was on medication, she gets easily stressed. I cannot help but wonder if it might help to go back on it and monitor her....

Anyway rant over sorry and thanks so much for the feedback and support.

Wish me luck tomorrow.



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sk8r31
Hi StepbyStep,

Sending much strength and support to you....what a challenging time, not only with your d, but with all the other stressful pieces to deal with at the moment.

Have you got any on-the-ground support at all that you can tap into?  Other relatives or close friends or a faith community that could help at all?  It's so very hard to keep all the balls in the air, working, helping your h to cope, and most importantly helping your d. Anyone at all that could help with any non-essential tasks, perhaps preparing a meal or two, or at the very least providing a brief respite out for a cup of coffee or an adult beverage?

You've got to put some measure of self-care in place in order not to burn out, and to be able to provide support for your d in the best possible way.

In terms of meds to help with anxiety for you d, that is worth pursuing.  My d was on a low dose of zoloft for anxiety during refeeding and for 2 years afterwards. In consultation with her doctor, she had been off for a year, before needing to reintroduce a low dose.  She was feeling more overwhelmed than she could deal with comfortably, and lost a few pounds.  Now she is doing just fine, and has been able to regain those few pounds.  It is certainly worth exploring the med option with your d's physician, emphasizing her anxiety around food/eating.

Wishing you well with the review.  Hang in there!  Continue to push hard for another session with the RD, who was so helpful to your d.  Be very firm about needing this support; especially given the increased challenges in the home at present.

Warmly,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Torie
StepbyStep wrote:
She had a very full on meeting with the dietitian some weeks ago who was brilliant. Brutal but brilliant. Although D was in bits and crying screaming I cannot do this, something switched to help her then at least eat 3 meals a day and gradually begin reintroducing foods. I have asked 4 times now for the last 4 weeks for a follow up meeting with this woman, saying D really listened and respected her ( she is also a mother of teens and mentioned that). D said she needed to be told that. 4 times I have asked!!! I really felt she was the only person D listened to.


I think you are in the UK? I don't understand your healthcare system, but hopefully others who do will have suggestions for how you might get your d more meetings with this miracle worker dietitian.

I'm so very sorry about the heavy, heavy load you have been tasked with. Sk8r is right that you do have to take care of yourself in order to be able to care for others - I wonder if you would like help brainstorming ideas to prod your depressed h to shoulder a bit more of the load.

Hang in there. We're with you in spirit. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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StepbyStep
Dear Torie and Sk8r,

Thanks very much for your support.

Yes I am in the UK. We had a review meeting yesterday which was tough. The psych and (not very effective) keyworker were there. My H came along as well.

D of course did not want to be there, considered it all a waste of time and had a retort for everything the psych said. The psych was very good. Said that weight gain was essential and that if there was none over the next 4 weeks then day hospital was the next step and no college. The psych also works with adults and told D about those with painful and debilitating Osteoporosis who now wished they had worked harder at recovery earlier so as to avoid it. We have been told that either us or college need to supervise college lunches and that her diet needs to increase. D was then in bits saying she was fine and the happiest she had ever been and felt none of us had acknowledged the good steps she had taken. This was not true as those were the first things I acknowledged to the team and to D. 

D was in tears saying we were all trying to drag her down to where she was before, hating her body, feeling depressed about it and feeling suicidal about it. ( Breaks my heart to the core..)

D was supposed to be having monthly additional meetings for trauma support with a CAMHS ( Child mental health service person) but some how this has gone astray and our last meeting was cancelled. So no meeting since very early Jan we are now March. Also no support from anyone for three weeks over the Xmas period, a hugely stressful time for someone with an ED.

I really feel she also needs some extra support mentally to help her get through the trauma of extreme body anxiety (which of course is all linked to other things like bullying at school etc,,)

Finally we have a meeting with the dietitian again next week, hurrah!!! The psych could see what we were up against, how clever D and the ED is this time, her very black and white thinking and totally skewed logic and total hatred of gaining weight and cleverly maintaining just above the threshold for being withdrawn from college. All of this not helped by H having weird eating patterns. How the hell is that giving D any positive behaviours to follow? I have told him so many times he is setting a bad example. I cannot help but think at times that D and I would be better off dealing with this alone with regular sensible eating patterns and me giving up work for a few weeks to make it intensive. I cannot fix H and have suggested therapy, seeing the doc, volunteering, etc all to no avail. I really do not have the energy for him as well as D. D is my priority.

We have no real family support. I have some friends I can talk to but not who could step in and take over to give us a break.

What is Magic Plate? I have hear it mentioned but do not know what it is.

I really could use some great hi calorie vege recipes. I am trying to extend D's range of foods and psych made of point of saying, "You can be a vege if you maintain your diet responsibly with all of the right nutrients, like plenty of people do, otherwise its a no go."

Taking it One Step at A Time
                         


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deenl
Hi Stepbystep,

Here is a link to Magic plate posts http://atdthalloffame.feast-ed.org/home/advice-for-phase-1-re-feeding/magic-plate

And here is a link to a recent thread on vege food http://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/vegetarian-meal-ideas-7956566?pid=1291133766#gsc.tab=0

Best wishes,
D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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StepbyStep
Thanks everyone for your support here.
So very much appreciated.

Four weeks to weigh gaining or day patient care takes over. Wish me luck.
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

When someone says, "You have four weeks to gain x amount of weight" do you know what d hears? She hears: "I have four weeks before anyone is going to bug me about gaining weight."

Immediate rewards and consequences work better than long range plans. That is why Magic Plate and  LSUYE (Life stops until you eat) work, even for older sufferers. I hope you've had a chance to look at the Magic Plate page. This is what we did, and it worked. It wasn't easy at first. There is initial resistance, but after that dies down it's easier on everyone to have the caregiver be in charge of meals, and the sufferer be relieved of all decisions about food.

As for your h, maybe it would be best to leave him out of it? You make and serve all meals and eat with d, and give h other tasks, like he is now in charge of housecleaning and bill paying or whatever. That way he can be supportive, but not beyond his skill level. I also didn't have time or energy to try and teach my h how to refeed, and it was usually easier if he wans't around at meals. But he was great at everything else.

And when your d says "but dad isn't eating x" you can say, "different people need different things." Or you can be honest and say "dad doesn't take care of himself very well, but I don't have time to worry about him right now."

best wishes,

D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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momtobeauty
Hi StepbyStep,
I'm not well-placed to advise as we are still struggling with refeeding but I am so sorry that you and your d have so much to cope with. It's so overwhelming sometimes. My d sometimes says she wants to recover, but she doesn't want to gain any weight. What?! ED makes no sense. My H is not really involved in shopping and planning meals, feeding and preparing food or supervising after, but he shares most meals and cleans up after while I distract d and he is taking over other tasks that I used to do. I couldn't imagine doing this while working and I don't think my d could face this while being in school right now but for some kids that may be a great motivator. I hope you can get some time off to care for d and yourself and wish the best for you and your d.
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anotherbite_CAN
"Fear of Weight Gain"...hard thing, right?

I am going to reframe a bit:  Fear of weight gain is a symptom. It is treated by the proper dose of medicine (food 6x a day) and time.  Like symptoms of other illnesses.  

We can't get 'past' the fear of the medicine in order to get them to take the medicine.  The medicine is what will make the symptoms recede.  Sucks, I know, but the way out is through.

Can we help problem solve over how to get the medicine in?  Are there loopholes to close that would allow for weight to go on in a consistent fashion?

Sounds as though the team is slowly getting on board and you now have a Plan B (2 weeks or pulled out of school) in place which is so great.   Expect pushback from ED.  ED will hate any plan that results in its demise [smile]

How are meals going now?  Is there monitoring for each meal?  Are you able to ensure all food eaten? (our t used to say "the ED lives in the last bite).  

In the early days I was simply happy for her to be eating more than she had been....however, once I began to view food as medicine I realized that she had to eat the full plate of food I placed in front of her.  Not finishing a full meal (or not eating enough to gain) would be akin to taking half a dose of prescribed medicine and expecting it to work as well as a full dose.   With ED it is even more important because so much is going on in their sweet heads (the is the amount of food they need to gain AND there is the practice of restricting .....if they are eating less than is plated or a little less than they need for proper gain, they are 'restricting' and for our kids when ill...a little restriction is akin to being a 'little' pregnant.  Restriction is restriction.  Maintaining 'just enough to stay at school' is restricting and it keeps the ED alive.  The beauty of magic plate is that it breaks this habit in a lovely way.  It is exposure therapy.  They have to override the ED voice each and every meal and this practice 6x a day works.....not quite like 'magic' [smile] but it works. Exposure therapy and response prevention: We 'expose' them to their fear and we 'interrupt or prevent the maladaptive response".

The black and white thinking is also a symptom. You will see it lessen with weight gain.

I would say, the only thing that truly helped us past the 'fear of weigh gain' was requiring full nutrition daily each and every day.  I needed help to make that happen: I needed a back up plan for when I couldn't make it happen and I needed the confidence and resolve to manage the extreme pushback from d whilst I was trying to make it happen.  You have a back up plan so let us help you with the confidence piece.

You  have done so so well, Mum to get as far as you have gotten.  The push needed for the final stretch is hard, indeed but keep coming to the forum.  Read though the Hall of Fame posts and past years as the words of other parents can so help in building confidence and keep asking questions. 
 
You are so right, it is heartbreaking to see the pain they are in.  Know that your support and full nutrition will help ease the pain.  My d will now say that requiring her to eat felt like I was pushing her out of a plane without a parachute (the anxiety was that high!).

Do you have any sense of what weight range you are aiming for? We aimed for a 2 lb weight gain a week.  If we didn't hit it it wasn't failure, it was just feedback.  I would then increase the caloric value of the meals she was required to eat.  

There are some wonderful threads on the forum re: introducing fear foods and laddering.

You have lots of strengths on your side of the ledger.  Your girl is motivated to stay out of hospital and stay in college.  You have one treatment team member at least that D is comfortable with and who backs you up.  The situation with your husband is a challenge but you do note that he is 'trying' to be  helpful.  Is he a reader? there are a few books that may help him find ways to be more helpful.  

Books:

Throwing Starfish Across the Sea
 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Throwing-Starfish-Across-Sea-pocket-sized/dp/1494307146/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457377471&sr=8-1&keywords=starfish+laura+collins


Decoding Anorexia  (great on the science of ED's)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Decoding-Anorexia-Carrie-Arnold/dp/0415898676/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457377415&sr=8-1&keywords=decoding+anorexia

Help your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder (though it says teenager it is a fantastic resource and has a section on parents being on same page).

http://www.amazon.com/Teenager-Eating-Disorder-Second-Edition/dp/146251748X


it is so difficult but you got this!!!

 

 


D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
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StepbyStep
Dear all once again thanks so much for all your feedback.

D has come down with an illness and has little appetite although she is actually eating. High fevers, sore throat, potential chest infection now on antibiotics. Arghhh. Scary when they are ill and lacking in weight and immune system is depressed.

I also told her new BF that D would be in hospital soon if no weight gain. He is besotted with her and desperate to help in any way. He is coming to stay for 3 days on Friday. D has asked me not to hassle her in front of him. I replied well you both will eat what is put in front of you. I won't hassle you just eat it. She agreed.

Magic Plate. Tricky to implement right now when she feels unwell but have been taking control over meals like vege lasagne, and shepherds pie (with mashed potato) and adding olive oil, butter and cream and all the food has been eaten!!! Just need to get some extra snacks and pudding in there. Last night she had ice cream as she had a sore throat. ( Put the flags out!!!) Before she was refusing ice cream.

I think lacking in confidence and resolve without full back up from H has been the thing stopping me from a full on approach. College has been tricky but we now have to go in and feed her lunch there. I have kept her off this week with this illness, telling her she needs to be at home to fight it. Normally she would have a go at me and insist she should go to college regardless. She gave in pretty quickly but then I know she feels rough. So at least she saw sense.

I do not know what weight gain the team is expecting. Once again I called Monday t talk to someone, left a message, no one has called back. It is exhausting arranging all the appointments for blood tests and ECG, continually chasing up the team when I have questions, ( as no one calls back if I leave a message. I know they are very busy though.) It is ridiculously hard trying to juggle work with this going on. How do others manage? My heart is just not in my work as I just want to focus on D. H does do other things like ironing but he is depressed so at home all day every day, not doing much. I know he is finding all of this hard.


@Anotherbite Thanks so much for your words. I was in tears when I read them. It really does help a great deal to see the support on here and to keep going. Thanks for the books. I have Eva Musby's book,  and How to Help Your Teenager Beat and ED and have been reading everything I can get my hands. However, reading it and facing a child who will scream and yell and refuse what you give them is much tougher in reality. I am also afraid of confrontation. (Tough child hood, evil step-father who used to beat us kids,) so it makes it extra hard. I know I have to bite the bullet and get on with it all, so that is my plan. I will check out the other books.

Thank you again everyone.
Hugely appreciated. x

                          

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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

Yow. You have so much to handle. And yet, 

".....all the food has been eaten!!!"

Hang on to that. That is everything. Food is your ticket out of hell.

Re: refeeding a sick person, it's tough but possible. Clear juices, not water. Ice cream, sherbert, puddings, jello. BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) can all be highly augmented with cream, butter and oils (unless there is stomach upset.) Smoothies are excellent. Frozen fruit, Canola oil, ice cream or yoghurt. Yoghurt is super good and recommended when taking antibiotics.

Re: weigh gain goal. You don't have to wait for someone else to tell you what this is. You can figure it out. ESPECIALLY if you don't have confidence in them, it's better to figure this out yourself. Or at least, don't give a firm number to d, because she will hang onto it even if it turns out to be wrong. (And a weight range goal is a guess--you get there, see if things improve, and if not, raise it again.) IF you have historic height and weight records, it's easy (mygrowthcharts.com). If you don't have the records but the doctor does, phone and request copies of her records.  If they don't have historic records, then again, their guess will be only as good as yours. Kartini.com has good info on determining goal weight.


You're doing great!
best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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StepbyStep
Hi Psycho_Mom

I have also had depression and now how very hard it can be. I have to go to the office tomorrow so am leaving H with instructions. He denies he is depressed ( lost his main job in Oct) will not see anyone or get counselling, so I can do much but ensue he feels involved but then this evening  is reluctant to consider Magic Plate Argh!! D will NOT take smoothies in any form at the moment saying she prefers to eat the calories. I think it is the ED does not trust what might be in the smoothie. Ice cream has only just come back on the scene but thankfully as it soothes the sore throat. Ahh yes yoghurt for antibiotics, good idea. What is Canola Oil. Am in UK do not think we have that here. What is  a realistic weight gain? Is 2 pounds a week enough?     
  
               
Interestingly a friend of mine's daughter did a radio interview about recovering from anorexia, she came across something called Mini Maud. http://www.youreatopia.com wondering if you or anyone else has come across this and what your thoughts might be. Any how this girl aged 17 was on the verge of hospital admission was shown this site and went for it....I realise that this dose not at all work for everyone in any way. My D will not though read any websites on recovery. Clearly as recovery is not yet where she wants to be. So we are back to Magic Plate.

Sorry to hear about your own depression. It's tough. I had a breakdown 11 years ago. I have masses of admiration for you and everyone else on here. I do get given weekly weights but think D knowing her weight is not helping either. A whole other issue.

Thanks for all your advice. You are clearly an awesome Mom.
Very best

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Torie
StepbyStep wrote:
What is Canola Oil. 


Canola oil in US = rapeseed oil in UK. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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anotherbite_CAN
step-  i was suggesting books for hubby (as a way in to understanding more and thus able to be more 'helpful') - you have enough going on don't feel you need to read everything unless you truly like 'reading everything' [smile]

The confidence piece will come.  In the meanwhile 'fake' it..really-  fake it to your girl and come here and use us to whisper (or shout!) your fears to.  When they see us as strong and 'not afraid of what the ed is afraid of" it truly helps.  You don't have to feel it inside right away (gosh, I don't expect any of us did...I know for certain I did NOT).

You got this! and we have your back.

Juggling work and refeeding is extremely difficult. I tried and had to take a leave of absence.  Perhaps if D eats with you well you can ensure she does breakfast with you before work and then it's just snacks and lunch.  Would bf be able to eat snack with her if she heads back to school? Is he at same school?  I know quite a few YA's who's bf/gf's were able to successfully lend support through a meal.

If she is home then dad is home to monitor snacks and lunch. That is one good thing perhaps.  

There is a high calorie snack thread that may be helpful. 


D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
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Psycho_Mom
Hi again,

"He denies he is depressed ( lost his main job in Oct) will not see anyone or get counselling" 

Well,OK, if he's not depressed then he should be able to do x and x and y chores. If he can't do them, then he IS depressed and he needs to see someone. What would happen if you gave him those two logical options? Sometimes a depressed person benefits from a little kick in the pants (speaking from experience.) 

"D will NOT take smoothies in any form at the moment saying she prefers to eat the calories. I think it is the ED does not trust what might be in the smoothie." 

You are probably right. What happens when you present the smoothie and she makes a fuss? Then what happens?

"What is Canola Oil."

Rapeseed oil, I think. Flavorless and indetectible in many foods (including yoghurt.)
There is also Benecalorie, (sorry don't know what it's called in UK) which is a high cal supplement you can stir into oatmeal and mashed potatoes etc.

"What is  a realistic weight gain? Is 2 pounds a week enough?"

A usual doable goal is 1-2 pounds a week. Although I just posted a study from Johns Hopkins that said 4 lbs/week was even better. Don't know how they did that, tho. I managed to get 26 pounds on my d in 3 months.

What I did was secretly keep track of all calories she ate (super secretly!!). Then I figured that to gain a pound takes approx 3500 cals (that's just a rough number, I think, everyone's different) so to gain 2 lbs a week I added 7000 cals a week or 1000 cals a day to what she had been getting. (This was basically one smoothie.) Some people don't count calories at all, but for me, it helped to keep what she was getting consistent, and it definitely helped me to know what to do when her gain stalled out (as it will do; hypermetabolism sets in and needs change) and it also helped me with my own anxiety. 
  
               
"My D will not though read any websites on recovery."

That is probably a good thing. DO NOT let her search for "anorexia" on a computer. Pro-ana sites are appalling and very dangerous to a sufferer, and even well-meaning info can be completely erroneous. I've heard of this Mini-Maud, but don't know anything about it. (Not saying it's not beneficial, just that there's so much crap to wade through to get to the good stuff online, that a sufferer shoulnd't do it on her own.)

Keep asking questions, you're doing great.
best wishes,
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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