F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Just discovered recent dieting has become anorexia style behaviours in daughter aged 16.  She’s terrified of eating times, not realising what has been going on I let her choose what she can eat. She’s very remorseful after eating and full of promises not to eat again (ever!). Then she actually perks up as she’s had some food she so desperately needs. Has also been self-harming. Have now read about the strategy of me managing the food she eats to keep her safe, which I can do but we’re off on holiday tomorrow (not self catering). Please advise what I can do while we’re away to help her? Thank you so much and all my good wishes to each of you coping with this. 
Hi J98765,
Welcome to the forum. I am pleased you are here and sorry you needed to be here, at the same time.
I do hope we can help you by sharing our lived and varied experiences!! 
The fear you describe is part of the illness. 
The vacation piece does put a wrinkle in things as you are so early in the journey. I can tell you what we have done. At 4 months into diagnosis we did go on holidays at a beach resort. We did have a kitchen and I prepared very few meals. I did take and buy when there, safe foods I knew she would eat. Like clif bars and cookies etc.
it may be very hard for your d and of course for you. I would suggest as soon as you arrive find a few restaurants that you will frequent often, so she can feel safe. Even look online now , prior to going to see if there is a place that will offer foods you know she will eat. Many restaurants will accommodate food substitutions too just ask, they want your business.
 You state she has AN behaviours, does that mean she has not yet been diagnosed? Has she been gaining and eating all she is given or most? Do you have a specialist team for Ed/ has she been medically assessed for her health overall? 
Sorry many questions. But they do help us to tailor our replies to your individual situation. 
Please ask us questions as they come up, we are very happy to help in anyway possible!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Hi there

I'm so sorry you had to find us here, but welcome.  

You may find a thread started by Ortho 8 days ago, 'My teen is eating less by the day', helpful, as it sounds as if there are similarities between your situations.  

I'm sorry to say you may need to rethink going on holiday, particularly if your accommodation does not involve self-catering.  See Mamaroo's post on Ortho's thread. I think we all have stories to tell of holidays or trips away from home in those early days where we completely underestimated just what it was going to take to get a handle on the ED and how to begin the long journey of treating it.  I know you and the rest of your family would be devastated to have to cancel, especially at this late stage, but the likelihood is ED will come along for the ride, and the holiday may not be the happy time together you had hoped for.

I'm sorry to be the voice of grim experience, this is probably not what you wanted to hear.  Honestly, I believe your utmost priority has to be battening down the hatches and getting refeeding underway.  This illness is terribly hard on the whole family.  

Others may have other suggestions.
I agree with Hopenz and I understand how hard it is to cancel plans that were set awhile ago and  that you are so looking forward to. No matter what  you decide it will be  a hard call and we will support you whatever you decide.
Wishing you strength.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Like HopeNZ said, we had a holiday from hell when ED came along. Unfortunately ED packs its bag of tricks and come along on holiday to spoil the fun.

Fast forward more than a year later we went on another holiday and it was still hard for her, but the good people here gave me some great tips. We went to familiar restaurants and ordered for her "we're all going to have hamburgers, find a seat for us, while I order". I bought lots of familiar snacks and meal replacement drinks. We lived in self catering accommodation so that I could prepare most of the meals. 

Now we can go on holiday and she has no problem eating at restaurants and would often be the one ordering the biggest dessert. 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
If you do go, be mindful that activity/walking should be limited. We had "dream holiday" from hell just before diagnosis and did loads of walking when my D should have been resting and having 3 meals and 3 snacks everyday. Young people can lose a lot of weight very quickly and for us, it was very difficult to put weight back on.
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
Welcome to the forum, things sound very worrying. I second the idea that it may be best to reconsider your travel as hard as it may be. There is no doubt that if your D has anorexia it is likely the illness will come on holiday with you so it may be possible that she gets even sicker whilst she is away. The other thing is that it does not sound like you have had any form of assessment, bloods or monitoring. Eating disorders can be deadly and it is common for teens to be very medically unwell at diagnosis. It can take some time before we realise what is truly going on, and safety should always be paramount. 
Your profile says in the UK so urgent assessment with your GP or even sometimes via emergency is important. There are guidelines that should be used to assess for whether they need immediate hospitalisation. https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/improving-care/better-mh-policy/college-reports/college-report-cr168.pdf?sfvrsn=e38d0c3b_2
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
If that holiday cannot be canceled then here are some ideas:
Eat at your room with her and not in a public space if possible.
Take the cook besides and ask him to add more oil and cream to your ds portions.
No self catering can be a chance as she needs to eat what is served. If there is eating a la card YOU decide what she eats, no negotiation about that.
Try to add some snacks in between to the regular meals.
Be aware that she should not have much activity in that state. Limit that.
Be aware that her health state can go downwards very fast. If she faints of feels dizzy, take her to A&E/ER wherever you are.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
We also had a very ‘challenging’ holiday last year,  ED came too.  I’d advise taking some snacks with you,  eat whatever you expect her to so you have ice cream, sugary mocktails, pizza etc.  Definitely limit her walking/activities to preserve energy.  
Its tougher on holiday because you don’t want ED to trash it for everyone.   

I eas terrified d would have a meltdown on the actual flight last year, she was horribly agitated at the airport so insist on a good breakfast before you travel.  
If you’re going somewhere with a buffet try insisting on filling her plate while she ‘minds’ the table.  If you stop for drinks order her full sugar not sugar free, by stealth if necessary.