F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

Kali Show full post »
MKR
I would like to encourage parents out there that you can do it even if you are on your own, even if you have to hold your job down, even if you are trying to give your ED child as well as your other children a childhood they deserve.

It is extra hard and it takes longer, so LSUYE would have been far more efficient. But the circumstances did  not allow for LSUYE. So coming home from work, the evening is never long enough to fit in serving dinner, feeding the kids, a 1-hr ED tantrum, settling kids to sleep AND cooking for next day. But you CAN do it and you CAN get thre with determination and love.

Our daughter was refed by me and her father a week at a time, the ED therapist once a week ensuring we were on the same page. We each used our skills to our advantage against the ED. I read up on AN and fortified the meals with hidden calories - thanks to the awesome tips from this forum - and the father relied on Ensure and supervising school lunches. We always agreed on what sport, if any, we'd allow her to do.

Our daughter even came along on a family camping holiday, which was a great incentive, so we'd ensured clear and firm boundaries. It ended up being a great success. A taste of life worth living.  

What worked best:
• The child was not allowed in the kitchen during cooking.
• We used the Magic Plate.
• We all had the same meal, to discourage plate-swapping.
• We used a variety of foods, slowly introducing desserts.
• We checked under the plate, inside the serviettes and pockets, under the table for discarded scraps. She had to have more food to compensate.
• The last bite: I sometimes split it in two or three bites "You can surely pick up these few dots and then you are done, right?"
• We stopped all compulsive exercise and used massage on particularly fidgety days.
• She agreed to have bigger breakfasts and dinners in lieu of school lunches being supervised.
• We sometimes had the other child eat in another room or at a different time. I should have done this at the very beginning.
• Each "Why?" mantra was answered with "Because periods have not returned ". She understood that no periods could lead to brittle bones.
• We had a quick chat and cuddle at bedtime, no matter how the day had gone. 
• The school staff monitored her exercise and occasionally lunches as well, which sent a strong message to ED.
• My manager was very understanding and allowed me weekly time off to attend ED therapy sessions.

6 kg gain in 8 weeks (she'd originally dropped 8 kg). Another 12 kg gain over the next 12 months. Periods resumed after 2 years. The anxiety peaked at 4 months into refeeding - the Hero Parenting days...

Determination: I'll do anything so we don't have to go back into the dark days.

Love: this is the child I have nurtured and will nurture whenever she needs me. She gave me so much love, I am giving back double.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
Quote
ValentinaGermania
mnmomUSA, you are a super heroe. What a tremendous good job you have done! That is really an impressing number!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Quote
teecee
MKR ... a beautiful message 😊
Quote
Kali

Dear ATDT families and friends,

What helpful posts on this thread from everyone here!

I wanted to paste this link to the FEAST website page which has some good resources for meal support in case that is helpful for anyone reading this and wondering how to start or continue effective refeeding.

https://www.feast-ed.org/meal-support-resources/?fbclid=IwAR3bmBBob_FfcxCfJc-BLqzYCbu93DcNmCZQ3iKr0_AfERAlvf8n8-2Usmw

warmly,
Kali

Food=Love
Quote
debra18
Flexibility and consistency at the same time. Repeating the same words over again. "this is not a choice". "trust me it's what you need."
I rarely engaged in conversation or discussions. No emotions. This is what is expected. My daughter did not respond to incentives but I used a random reward system to show I am on her side. A lot of distractions. She read while she was eating and barely noticed what she had to eat. Milkshakes of heavy cream blended with ice cream. Having to know when to push and when to let things go. Understanding there is no right way to do things. 
Quote
Kali
There are some resources in the Hall of Fame about refeeding if anyone wants to take a look:

http://atdthalloffame.feast-ed.org/

warmly,

Kali
Food=Love
Quote
Enn

I am posting some links here for perusal.  There are so many more resource. I thought these may be helpful for refeeding.

Eva Musby
Kelty Eating disorders
Great podcast
A family's story
Super resistors
Just how many calories?

If anyone has other information, websites, articles that helped you, please post. I know it would be invaluable.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
Enn
Great booklet from FEAST
This can be really helpful to make sense of the  journey at the beginning when it can be very confusing.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote
Enn
Here is another great site.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Quote

        

WTadmin