F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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3sweets
Found out last night that my daughter has been hiding food in her clothes at meals and taking them upstairs and wrapping them in toilet paper then throwing them away.  I found out because our dog got into the trash.  It has been almost a year since we started this battle against ED.  She is not doing well right now.  And after finding this out, I am feeling really down and hopeless.  She says she does not want to get better and she is fine.  Yeah, right.  It is all the Ed talking to her.  [frown]
14 yr old D dx with RAN Nov. 2015
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deenl
Hi sweets,

We had food hiding too. I told my son that food was his medicine and I had to make sure he had what his body needed so I started patting him down after meals. I think underneath it all he was happy that he couldn't get away with it and he used to co-operate easily even though he was totally freaked out about lots of other things.

Talk things over with any other carers/professionals and come up with your 'script' and plan A, B and C. But do put a stop to it.

Wishing you strength and warm wishes,
D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly gaining at home, seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight. 2020 Off to university, healthy and happy.
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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hsmom
My d has hidden food in the past and just today I found a huge stash in her car. She started a job a month ago and takes a snack with her. She hasn't been eating her snack at all. She could easily have thrown it away at work and we would not know. I believe deep down she wants to be found out. Her weight was down last week, so the job may have to go.
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Sammie
Hi- oh man!! I know how heartbreaking it is to find food. My D hid snacks in her room, in her school bag, etc. I felt so defeated when I found her little stashes. What worked for us was increased supervision. For a while, snacks had to be eaten in the presence of someone else if you are hiding them. My D is 17 now and has been WR and doing well in recovery for almost a year. With WR, the food hiding behaviors totally stopped. When I asked my D about it later, she claimed she did not even remember doing it or can't remember why she put food in certain places. I think the ED really affects their thinking and they are not always deliberately trying to be sneaky. Just a side effect of the ED. If your D is driving and holding down a job, both of those things may serve as leverage for you to use to motivate her to keep up with her snacks and engage in treatment. I know, easier said than done. Take care. Xx
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Francie
HI 3sweets, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's an awful illness in which our children practice sneaky behavior. Our d has hidden food, but she has also disposed of food, too, down the sink, in the trash and down the garbage disposal. I try to hover whenever she's in the kitchen to be sure she eats the food and doesn't dump it. If she takes food 'to go', I assume it's not going to be eaten but will rather be disposed of. Again, I'm very sorry for your situation. 

Francie

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mjkz
Major food hiding here too.  I had to minimize the places to hide food and also supplement for any food that was hidden and not eaten.  My daughter figured out fast that the supplement was far more calories than the food she was trying to hide and it really cut down on that urge.  She ate in short sleeves and pants with no pockets.  I made her keep her shirt untucked and patted her down before she even left the dining room.  The dining room had no plants or any place to hide food.  It took me awhile to catch on to why the cat was gaining weight and not my daughter[confused][frown]
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OneToughMomma
It's a message to you, sweets.  Your d needs you to know that she is struggling with unsupervised eating. She is not able to fight ED by herself right now.

xoOTM
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
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OneToughMomma
It's a message to you, sweets.  Your d needs you to know that she is struggling with unsupervised eating. She is not able to fight ED by herself right now.

xoOTM
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
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Sotired
Knowledge is power.now you know that hiding food is happening,you will be taking steps to make sure that this happens as little as possible.my word of-caution?-not the right word I think really, is that when the food hiding is found it can then take the new form of purging.thats just something to be aware of,it may not go that way for you, but it certainly was the next trick anorexia pulled out of its bag for us.
For us once the food was found,d was sad and sorry but the next day regrouped to fight us.
Make sure you have some support for you during this-even if it's just coffee with a friend for half an hour while your d is watching tv.those links to normal behaviour are important for us as caregivers.sometimes they have to be 'imported' while we live in crazy town.
If those feelings are overwhelming you,please make sure you go to the doctor for a wellness check for you.i found anti depressants really helpful for two years of this battle.it meant I could function and not be overwhelmed by my emotions.ive only recently come off them but I needed them then.
Good luck,
Sotired42
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hsmom
Sotired, funny you should mention anti depressants. I thought 2 months ago it would be fine to stop them and stop seeing my therapist. I was so wrong. I am seeing my doctor and therapist today. Fighting this battle is all consuming and it is ok that I need help. I did tell my d that if she loses weight this week, she will have to quit her job. She didn't put up a fight. I think she realizes her recovery is suffering. This makes me so sad because I want her to be able to do "normal" things.
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3sweets
Thanks to all who commented.  We have been supervising all meals and snacks but she must be putting food in her clothes.  We are now patting her down after she eats, and surprisingly she has been all right with it.

 toothfairy - She is 5'7" and 118 lbs.  Seems like a fine weight but she has always been in the 90th% in height and weight.  She started at 150 lbs. before her anorexia started.  She is always cold too, which pre Ed she ran warm to hot!  She will be starting adolescent intensive program 5 days a week soon.  

I see a therapist weekly, which I love.  And I take antidepressants as well.  Both have helped tremendously.  I suffered from ED myself at the same age and still have those thoughts at 44 years old, which scares me for her future.  I am working hard on me as well as being with her to support and feed her, it does get overwhelming.  My husband is great, she just does not want much to do with him.
14 yr old D dx with RAN Nov. 2015
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Psycho_Mom
Hi,

I'm sorry, I just saw this. 

"She is 5'7" and 118 lbs.  Seems like a fine weight but she has always been in the 90th% in height and weight.  She started at 150 lbs. before her anorexia started."

Did I miss something? 118 is not a fine weight. That is a weight nearly guaranteed to keep her mentally and physically ill for the rest of her life.

Sorry to be blunt, (as I continue to be blunt.) If she weighed 150 before illness onset, and she's been ill a year but was well before (ie no binge disorder before the onset of AN), then she needs now to weigh AT LEAST 155. 

OMG who told you that was an OK weight? 

Please read my second paragraph again, know that I am not a medical professional but a concerned parent. (And btw my d is 5 ft 7, was a raving pile of misery at 118 pounds, and yes her hands were always cold then because her heartrate was dangerously low--has your d's heart been recently checked? She is now doing well at minimum 145.) Please feel free to ask lots of questions or let us know what you think.

best wishes,

D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
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