F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

Sosad1 Show full post »
hello sosad1
my daughter was admitted for 2 weeks to a general children's ward, as an emergency by the psychiatrist,  because there was no available bed on the ED unit. This was good in a way because it was nearer our home, her friends could visit and was less disruptive to the rest of the family. Luckily she ate everything she was asked and her body measurements became a lot closer to normal. She was very unwell and when she went in I was just so relieved  - she was very aggressive towards herself and us and i just couldn't handle any more.

Whilst she was in I worked on our relationship - because we didn't have to argue about food we could play games, do craft, colouring, watch dvds, do each other's hair, face packs,  etc. This meant when she came home that became my main concern - if she didn't eat she could go back in, but i wanted us still to be on speaking terms. (i would like to say i always thought we had a great relationship, we were very close, but the anger and aggression had changed that). I bought some painting by numbers kits, knitting kits, borrowed jigsaws....

She was allowed on ward leave 3 days early and we could use that threat of going back to get her to eat for those 3 days (in retrospect i wish i hadn't supported her coming out because i would have had 3 extra days of full eating and then the ward leave). The next week she was given a tour of the ED inpatient unit (we moved up to the tier 3 service and it was in case she couldn't sustain the eating and needed to go back in).  She hated the unit - it was a fine unit but it doesn't look or feel like home - so that gave her an extra incentive. I think it also gave me a bit of a backstop - if she doesn't eat i know where she is going, and although it's awful i have done all i can at home. I wasn't prepared to risk violence anymore. The mantra 'i can't eat for her' has helped - if she can't eat something i just have to say 'oh well' and look dissapointed but i don't push it.

She hit her target weight a couple of weeks ago and i am now slowly trying to adapt to this new stage. we get a lot less anger and aggression - if it shows, i back away, but it still breaks my heart when she is s rude to me for no good reason.  We are on a rather limited range of foods but they are keeping her going so that is important. 

Hoping they take your d back in again, and for longer, so that you can get on top of the ed and get your d eating as you need her to eat.  It is very tough in these early stages, trying to get a momentum going.

KTH - good that your d has been admitted to an ed unit.  They really know what they are doing in these units and will get your d into a routine and acceptance of eating and weight gain.  But ensure that the team give her the message that you are in charge when eventually she is discharged.   Transitions between hospital and home are difficult unless the patient is made to understand that things continue at home as they were in hospital, i.e. that not eating is not an option.

Vicky2019 - ed patients in hospital pull at their parents' heart strings, don't they?  I describe it like sirens calling from the rocks!  A word of advice - the target weight is likely to have been set too low and your d's weight will need to continue to increase through adolescence.  That target should be a moving one and not static.  
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.