F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Suzanne
Need some guidance, support and advice.
18 yr old boy in refeeding. He is in “healthy” BMI for his hight but not yet returned to his normal 75%.
he hates himself, and his body.
he feels like no one is listening to him. 
all we do is make him eat. 
He’s a historically private kid, so our encouragement to express himself and his feelings is being met with basically, “ we understand... eat.”  
I don’t know how to handle this part. Cuz- he’s right. 
Hate this! 
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ValentinaGermania
All these thoughts are ED thoughts and will pass away with more weight gain and brain recovery starting. Really. I heard all these complaines a thousand times. It gets less and less and some day my husband said to me "did you realise she did not complain about her body and eating in the last two weeks". To be honest, I didn´t.
You cannot say more than "mmh" or "I understand that you feel bad at the moment, but I promise it will get better" and show him love and compassion and - ask him to eat.

Try to get him distracted as much as possible and try to make him do things a normal healthy teenager would do.
Has he got his driving license already? Learning to drive and then have her own car was a big incentive for my d. I think she ate only for the car at least 6 months...😉
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn

This is quite common and it is ED talking. There really is nothing you can say to him that will help with the body image. I found it best to say nothing and just "hmm - Oh well" and distract with an activity , or acknowledge that things seem hard right now etc..
And with my D she did not want to discuss her feelings at the time and still does not and now that she is better,she really is better!

We just had to plow through with the food and stay silent a lot of the time. Some have found that texting works. Just simple everyday things and then the child opened up a bit on the texts. But they did not discuss out in the open. I think that way the child felt it was in his head only and not "public" where he may feel more vulnerable. I hope that came out the way I wanted. 

Not sure it any of this helps.
It is hard and yes we hate ED!

XXX

 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Suzanne
It does help to hear that other kids say the same things AND IT PASSES!!! 
Thank you!!
if anyone has the magic wand please pass it my way!
😘😰
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ValentinaGermania
They all say the same things. We could write a dictionary ED-english.
Yes, it passes. I did not believe it but it did. Slowly and with weight gain she came back and now she is a happy young woman doing all things a young woman age 19 should do. No depression, no ED thoughts (if she eats regularly and enough), no body issues. Laughing and singing and going out with friends. Like it should be.
You will get there. Keep going and keep feeding. There is no magical wand but there is an end of that tunnel.

It helped me to mark my calendar to see the improvement. I marked bad ED days red, normal ED days yellow and good days without complaining and ED (yes, that will come!) in green. First weeks we had only red and yellow days. Then the first week with no red days and then a green one! Now we had last red day about a year ago and last yellow one in November! (And that was only once because she skipped a meal because a lecture took too long). All green here now!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Suzanne
I love the calendar idea. Perspective!
Thanks. 
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ValentinaGermania
It really helped to see the little tiny baby steps of improvement. Without it I though we did not have any progress. But after marking some weeks I saw that there was progress, it was just hard to see it.
Keep fighting and you will get him back!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn

Hey Suzanne, 
How are you doing?

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Suzanne
I’m meh 
but I know it will not be for ever. 
Xxx
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ValentinaGermania
Can we help with anything?
I am sending a bit hug across the ocean.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Suzanne
Your support is perfect. 
And the hugs. Helps me feel less crazy.  And much less alone.  I’m looking forward to posting a gold star day...
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Enn
You will! 
A friend of mine told me while we in the depths of refeeding, that I was chosen to be my d’s mom and that I was the right person to help her. And that I would make her better. I found a lot of comfort in that. I share that with you and hope it helps.
You are the right person for your son and you will help him get better.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Suzanne
😢😊
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ValentinaGermania
I am very sure you will be able to post a gold star moment soon!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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