F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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MargeSimpson Show full post »
Mamaroo
Hi Marge, welcome form me as well and sorry you need to be here.

I understand what you are saying about your d's vanity causing her eating disorder. Here is a recent post about the causes of anorexia: 
https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/rethinking-how-we-see-anorexia
For those who have a genetic predisposition to anorexia, they only need to loose weight to get anorexia (they do not need to be underweight). The way I understand it is that you can have many teenagers loosing weight because they want to look like Taylor Swift (vanity), but that only those with the AN gene would get anorexia. Another way to think about it is someone working at a bar. If that person is a recovered alcoholic they could become an alcoholic again, while someone who is not addicted to alcohol can work there without becoming an alcoholic. So you have genetics and environment playing a role to get this illness. Loosing weight is the trigger to this illness (again only for those with the genetic make up - the gene is close to auto immune illnesses such as diabetes and psychiatric illnesses such as schizophrenia). Some got AN because of an operation, excessive exercise, camping, stomach bug, religious fasting or any other reason weight loss occurred.

I would not buy her special food or cook special meals for her. She needs to eat what you cook for the rest of the family. The more she has input into what food you buy or what is being cook, the harder it would be for her to eat it. For some of our children, the need to see the inside of a hospital. My d was 2 week in a general ward just to stabilise her heart. She was fed via an NG tube. I'm sure your GP would be able to organise such a service without it costing an arm an a leg (just for her heart not ED). 

I see you are religious and that is good. I used to listen to Joel Osteen's podcasts day and night just to get me through the next meal. I learned how to be positive and to speak healing over my d. Today my d is the most religious one in house and loves going to her weekly youth group. Your d will get there.  

I hope county service will be able to help you on Monday. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!


 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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MargeSimpson
I took her to county free mental health screening services.

She has an.appointment today with a team of medics and psychs.

They want to continue with the counselling she wont participate in unless the medic tomorrow says shes not healthy enough.

I've told them I cannot handle her refusal to.eat at.home.

She pretty much is upset at me. I.asked her in front of the psych if she would eat. She refused.

Anyway, I.won't be.returning here. I feel this.forum is not for poor people who can no more fly to the moon than pay for treatment, or buy frozen fruit for smoothies. I just.wanted to update for the concerned. 


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tina72

Anyway, I.won't be.returning here. I feel this.forum is not for poor people who can no more fly to the moon than pay for treatment, or buy frozen fruit for smoothies. I just.wanted to update for the concerned.


I feel really sorry when you think that our help here is only about frozen fruit (we do not have that here and I buy what is cheap and available also) and not for poor people. I understand that your problems are more difficult than most of mine but here are a lot of people who have only one income at the moment or are single parents or poor in the eyes of society where they live. We could not have afford to pay for treatment if we would live in the US, too.
We can only try to help.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
MargeSimpson,
I do hope that your d gets the help she deserves to become healthy and free of ED. I only wish you and your family best. 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
Yes it is very expensive to have an Anorexic child. Really insurance should pay for high fat foods like nuts and heavy cream as this is the medicine for them.
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Mamaroo
Hi Marge

The beauty of this site is that you get lots of advice from lots of different people around the world and you can pick and choose what you like to follow. For example, I wasn't able to do FBT until my d ended up in hospital with a compromised heart and I thought that I couldn't post here, because everybody (so I thought) was successfully doing FBT. But I later learned that there are so many different ways up the mountain. We are here to brainstorm with you. If anyone has said something which you don't like I apologise, it happens, because we can only communicate with words (and not emotions) so the advice's intentions can get misunderstood. I know you are very stressed and worried, we do understand how hard it is. Please reconsider.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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LaurieW
Hi Marge,

You have seen people here offer advice that is not possible for you family - I also had that experience. People posting here are not professionals giving prescriptions, just parents reporting what worked (and didn't work) in our families.  

But the advice on how to help your daughter is only one part of the value of this site.  There is also support and encouragement for you.  And a place to vent when you are at the end of your rope. Also, valuable reality checks.  ED kids are skilled at gaslighting everyone around them and sometimes it is really helpful to read other parents experiences to confirm that you are not crazy, or abusive or delusional or any of the other things ED will lead your child to call you.

I did not post on this site when my child was at her worst, I only came across it as she was in treatment after being truly at death's door.  I just "lurked" for a long time and was encouraged to hear that recovery was happening, even if it was not in the way it could ever happen in my family. 

Hoping the best for you and your family.  Please know you are always welcome and we would welcome updates from you.

Laurie
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MargeSimpson
She had a lot more tests today, and we are looking at hospitalization in the near future. There is no facility ,according to the professionals, that takes girls from our county, that is covered. 

She will go to tube feeding.

She made agreements with the psych to eat tonight. And then refused.

They gave us free ensure plus. And she is now agreeing to.attend her sessions.

She seems to.want to go to hospital. 

She is saying she is queasy so wont eat.

I just am at a loss.
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tassie_star_5
Dear Marge,

Thanks so much for the update. I'm so pleased that despite the pain, there seems to be the beginnings of a way forward.

I am not a usual poster here, being so early in this dreaded journey with my own D and I certainly have no sage advice. You mention that you are "at a loss". This is the very reason to please keep posting. 

I have been reading your posts and cheering you on, praying for you and your family and, like many here, understand the pain, confusion, fear and the multitude of other emotions that you are no doubt feeling at this time. You'll find most people out in the "real world" have no way of understanding.

You won't always get the answers you need here. You may also hear things from people whose lives, experiences and opportunities to provide for their kids are a world away from yours. Please remember though that EDs are equalizers - they don't discriminate. This connects all of us here.

I hope you keep coming here to share, vent and ask the wise ones for advice.

If nothing else, you'll receive support, care and understanding.

Love and blessings,

Tassie_Star
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Mamaroo
My d also refused to eat and I asked her to just take one bite. One bite at the beginning of this refeeding journey is sometimes much harder than finishing a plate after a couple of months of refeeding. I told my d to eat as much or as little as she is capable. If she was able to have a bite, I would give her an incentive - playtime on my tablet. I had to present my d with 3 meals and 3 snacks every day to get her into the habit of eating again. Initially she would only have a few bites, but as long as it was more than the previous snack or meal, she would get the incentive. At the beginning it would take her the whole day to finish just 1 ensure. The first couple of months were the hardest. 

My d was admitted to the general children's ward for her heart - they did not admit her for ED (only after discharge from IP was she admitted to the out patient eating disorder program). It would probably be the same for your d. Push for admittance based on your concern for her heart - they doctors tend to take that more serious than ED. My d was discharged after 2 weeks of NG tube feeding as she was deemed medically stable. She still was not able to eat and it was an uphill battle to get her to eat again. 

Here is a very good website by Eva Musby, she has great tips and videos:
https://anorexiafamily.com/videos-eating-disorder-anxiety-child/

Here is a thread on super resistors:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/the-super-resistors-when-lsuye-and-magic-plate-cause-total-shut-down-8122350?&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

I know this is tough (for now), we understand. Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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tina72
She had a lot more tests today, and we are looking at hospitalization in the near future. There is no facility ,according to the professionals, that takes girls from our county, that is covered. 

She will go to tube feeding.

She made agreements with the psych to eat tonight. And then refused.

They gave us free ensure plus. And she is now agreeing to.attend her sessions.

She seems to.want to go to hospital. 

She is saying she is queasy so wont eat.

I just am at a loss.


She is in pain and is afraid of all food at the moment so feeling queasy is normal. She has to eat or get tube fed nevertheless. Feeling queasy and being afraid of it can be no excuse.
It is a shame that there is no IP facility in your country. So going to a normal hospital ward would be an option? Her heart must be checked regularly and they can tube feed her there, too.
It is great that they gave you free ensure. That is a start. Try to get her to drink one little shot glas of it and then 2. Increase portions slowly when you get her to drink any of it.
AN patients often want to go to the hospital when they are hitting bottom. They think in hospital they are forced to eat and have no other option. My d also needed to see that tube feeding is really happening before she started to eat.

I can imagine you are at a loss. But she can get some help now. Be the squeeky wheel with the doctors or take her to A&E yourself if she has not eaten for 24 hours. She needs to get tube fed if she refuses to eat. I hope you get help soon.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MargeSimpson
Sorry, after two entire days running from county psych evaluation (dire. Awful. Wouldn't help because she.wasnt suicidal), then to a free clinic that had psych nurses, im exhausted.

The clinic was kind.

Im in a very poor part of the US. My county ( area of the state) is particularly lacking in funds. The only options are a state.hospital psych ward, where she will be tube fed. Then released back.to me, and outpatient counselling with a non specialist. She refused previously to get in the vehicle to go to sessions. Kicking, screaming. If I.got her into.the vehicle it was not.safe to drive. 

She complied the last two.days.

I was given a list of ip facilities in the state capital. That is a long way, around 280 miles. These facilities are not covered, not free. I cant afford either the facility or the travel. I cant get loans. I am not someone the credit union will loan to, bad credit rating. 

We got a free $20 gas card, which helps. 

I was told that was the most they.could do. 

They also tried to tell me to juice. I mean if they buy me a juicer and extra food. No prob. Otherwise no. Every cent is taken. My budget is a thing of beauty. We survive. But theres no wiggle room. 

Meanwhile My daughter seems to be enjoying the attention. 

She drank an entire ensure in front of the nurse, and had two granola bars. But refused supper. Not a bite.I cannot have food thrown again. 

I veer between wishing I.could kick her out and wanting to just hold her.tight.

I.was frank with the medics, begged them to admit her.

Thanks guys..sorry, im a mess.
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MargeSimpson
The super resistor thing describes her perfectly.
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MargeSimpson
She has 3 times a week appointments, which she has to attend. If her bloods are badly off normal, she goes to regular hospital psych ward, where they will tube feed. 

The nurse said if she refuses appointments and is too dangerous to let me drive, I can call a crisis team, who will admit her for a 72'hour evaluation.
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tina72
Hi Marge,
great that you are still here, I wait for your news every day. I think about you very often.
"The only options are a state.hospital psych ward, where she will be tube fed. Then released back.to me, and outpatient counselling with a non specialist."
So maybe that would be a first aid option? Would that be free?
Getting them into the car is often a problem. Some parents called ambulance or police if they did not get them into the car. Many police offices have mental health officers. Would that be an option to call them before something happens and ask for help there, too? Maybe it would help if an officer would come around in uniform and ask her to eat her dinner? Sounds funny but here that would have worked, I am sure. My d is very rule-bounded...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
Can you have help from a male relative or another adult (neighbor?) to get her into the car if needed and to drive with you if needed?

Is the clinic far away from your home? Could you go there to have the meals eaten with that nurse? Just an idea, I am brainstorming...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
She has 3 times a week appointments, which she has to attend. If her bloods are badly off normal, she goes to regular hospital psych ward, where they will tube feed. 

The nurse said if she refuses appointments and is too dangerous to let me drive, I can call a crisis team, who will admit her for a 72'hour evaluation.


So this can be a start. Ask them to eat with her at these 3 days so she gets used to it again and ask if you can be around to see how they are doing it.
Can you call that crisis team and ask for that 72 hour thing if she refuses to eat at home? That could be a useful consequence...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
I have send you a private mail, please check your emails. I want to help you. We all feel like family here.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MargeSimpson
No cops. Cases like this is why. My daughter is mixed race. 

https://apnews.com/046f6a7758884c1592f34e637215a9cc

The clinic is 45 mins. Im rural. She cant go every day. Im caring for a husband who is terminal, and other kids.

Ive bribed her saying she can have net time. Man handling her into.the vehicle is impossible. She wont stay safe for the drive unless compliant. My husband drove, I hugged her last.two times, and she was fine. I think she wants hospital admission.

The nurse told her not to hurt me again. 

They won't admit yet. I begged them to. It will be Thursday at the earliesr, and only if she is physically sick enough. If they would have done it yesterday she would be there. I literally begged. Said I.couldn't cope. Told them she got violent with me. 

Her psych evaluation said safe to.release to me.

Ive taken everything offered. Now its waiting till Thursday on bloods. If they.are bad.enough then they.take her in.
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MargeSimpson
She only kicks and bites me if I try to stop her leaving the house. Shes no danger to anyone.

She agreed to.stop hurting me.
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tina72
o.k., I understand. Life is totally different here so I did not expect that could be a problem. Now I know.

"My husband drove, I hugged her last.two times, and she was fine." So this might work again?
It is hard to say that but I really hope that they will reconcider this on Thursday. It is not human and senseless to wait until they are nearly dying to offer them help. Could you tell them on Thursday you will not take her home again if they do not admit her or what would happen then? Sorry, my country is so different from yours, you really must think I ask silly questions...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MargeSimpson
I told then yesterday she couldn't come home. They said there is nowhere else for her to go, and no other option than me. Refused to provide an.alternative.

Its wrong but they.won't admit unless she is very sick.
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MargeSimpson
I really think she wants to go to hospital. She will be compliant I think. 

Im truly doing my best. Ive other kids, a very poorly husband. Im doing my best.
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scaredmom
Marge,
You are dong a very good job! This is hero parenting and it is the hardest thing many of us have had to endure. 
I am glad they have taken her case seriously and considering inpatient’s. I don’t think you can do it alone at home with all the other stress you have. And she is ill.
The hardest part of this journey is getting it started and that you are doing. 
 
Please keep us posted. We all do want to help. 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
I know you are doing your best. I raise my hat what you are all doing and what you have to stand is unbearable for one person.
It is the system that lets you down and I am so angry with that. We had also no help with German health care system and without ATDT my d would be dead now instead at University.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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