F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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How do you get through this!!!!
my daughter was diagnosed with A over 4 months ago , we go to CAMHS eating disorder team every week.
shes 17 and I have to watch her 24/7 then found out she left school yesterday am , went home got changed and went running!!!
i left her at school thinking she was safe !!!
waiting for school and CAMHS to get back to me!

i can’t see a end to this dark lonely tunnel !! 
hello Heidimg

i can only offer sympathy and virtual hug and tea or gin ( depends on your preference) 
I would be contacting school and asking how this happened, though i am guessing she is in 6th form and most of them have free access , not like younger teens.

Have you got any weight on your d ? if not you may have to think of taking her out of school and keeping her home.
But i do know that is very difficult, if you work etc etc.

could you take some leave ? tag team days off with her father or anyone else in family able to supervise ?
though i imagine you have thought of this already.

Most on the forum have had children out of school and under 24/7 watch for long periods, using going into school as a motivator to eat and recover.

if your d is not gaining and ED is still very strong then have cahms discussed IP care with you ?
if you do pull her out of school your local social services and education authority have a legal requirement to provide education to her , this would be a home tutor system,
my d is currently in IP care and gets school there, but when she is discharged and not back in fulltime school we are having 'hospital school' which is tutors coming to the house, provided by local social care, and this is despite my d being in private education.
and yes it feels a very terrifying, lonely tunnel . I recognise those feelings, and i am sure lots of people will be along shortly to reassure you , you are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, i still cry most days, and use running to manage my anxiety around my d , i cry and run at the same time. 
It is very important to find something, even if it is as simple as a bath every night for 10 mins where you can just let yourself fall apart.
Many people have counselling, or anti-depressants, there is no shame in that at all.
it is not a marathon, it is the bloody marathon de sables
Take away her sports clothes and shoes for first aid. How did she leave school? Did the lessons end earlier or did she just miss them? Then this should have consequences from school, too. I hope you can close that loophole soon. It is not your fault, they are very tricky at that state.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Welcome Heidimg, though sorry you have a need to be here.  And ED is a terrifying illness, and knocks us all over, especially in the early days.  Hardwork has given you some good advice, appropriate to the U.K.
You may need to take her out of school as mentioned if you are able to sort some time off work.  With a fairly recent diagnosis, you'd be well advised to 'hit things hard' and really try to get your d nutritionally rehabilitated in as short a time as is possible.  Getting her back to her historic weight curve, and staying there for at least 6-12 months should help with mood and state.  
Sending you a big hug and warm support. Ask any questions you may have, and others will respond with their experiences and insights and support.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
i do hope you find the support you need both to help your d and for you. 
if you could give us more information about what is going on we can come up with ideas to help. Yes it is an awful illness for them and us.
Please ask all the questions you have. We all wish to help.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)

This is the first song that came to mind when I read your post. I happened to see this article awhile back and saved it because it just fit in some ways,


We had to put everything we absolutely could on hold. It wasn’t pretty. It still isn’t pretty. We had to pull him through . . . and are still pulling.

It’s a day to day thing, moment to moment. It’s awful, hardest thing ever. You might need more help for a time. That’s okay. You might need to quit more things. That’s okay. You might need to scream and cry for some time. That’s okay. Please keep posting here. We’ve all been there and will do anything we possibly can to help. 

Sending hugs and prayers your way tonight. 

I love the suggestion of taking her running shoes and sports clothing away. She is doing what she thinks she needs to in order to survive (leave school and go running). You need to do what you have to help her survive (make it hard for her to purge through exercise). 

When you are feeling overwhelmed it can be difficult to see clearly. But the more you can simplify things, the easier it will be to get through. 

If the school cannot support you in ensuring that your d isn't skipping out, then take her home and insist that they give you support there. Whether the school likes it or not, they are part of her network of support.
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
Welcome Heidimg. It is really tough. This journey is never short enough for any of us. Even quick recovery seems to take for ever. 

I have to agree that limiting access to anything with which she can over exercise is important. I would also be asking school about how this has happened. I am not sure of the governance issues but certainly here, no one is allowed to leave school in school hours without signing out - even if 18. As you say, they are acting as caretakers for your child whilst she is there. 
This brings me to my next question, do they know about her eating disorder and what role if any have they had so far for supervising meals, keeping her out of sport etc.?

As for that link you posted @workingthrough that is wonderful. The story was one of my D's favourites when she was small. I will pass the link on to her too.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.