F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Merry Christmas everyone. My 22-year-old d is heading to Denver Acute for inpatient hospitalization sometime during the upcoming week, then from there will be going to her second residential treatment facility (Monte Nido in Massachusetts). She has developed prolonged QT syndrome, and though she is above the usual weight for acceptance into Acute, her heart abnormality has qualified her. We knew she was deteriorating despite a wonderfully knowledgeable and kind ED therapist; she just can't manage the anorexia demon on an outpatient basis.

She is frightened, sad, and discouraged. Even though she says she still thinks the ED is serving a purpose for her, she doesn't want it to kill her. We are very sad for her, and all we seem to be able to do to help is be there and hold her when she wants to be held. She made a huge effort to eat brunch today (usually she only eats one meal a day and snacks), and really wishes this cloud of treatment isn't hanging over her head today.

I'm finding it very hard to stay positive and to try to find the right things to say to help her with this transition. I know it's her job to get well, and we're there for support (emotional and financial). I am so grateful that she is accepting this treatment. But I am so sad she has to endure it.

Feeling more sad than hopeful right now...a different feeling than the first time she went to residential, which felt more hopeful than sad.

Feeling thankful, though, that we have good people helping her.

I am sorry that your daughter finds the need to go inpatient at this time.

She is likely where she needs to be.

It is a sad and fearful time for you.

To give you hope, my daughter (now 27) was inpatient and in residential treatment centers five times in 5 years - two Christmases in a row, she was inpatient.

Today, she is doing well, remains stable with weight, and has purposeful work and a nice social life.

Things can and often do get better in time with the right treatment.

Sending positive vibes and hugs!
Cathy V.
Southern California
Dear oboemom,

We are on the other side of the world to the US of A & know very little of the ed places there.

That said I do know of two people who are involved with Monte Nido. Carolyn Costin the founder & Michael P. Levine who sits on the advisory council.

I attended the ""Embodied Therapist"" session presented by Carolyn Costin & Andrea Fursland at the 2014 ANZAED conference & found this a very informative & enlightening session. I am really pleased with the Father & Professor collaboration presentation that Michael & I  did for the same ANZAED conference. Since the conference I have been discussing by e-mail with both Michael & Carolyn the topic of enduring ed's in ""Young Adults"" while there is still work to do in this area I feel Carolyn & Monte Nido may have a way to help these ""Young Adults""

Carolyn has been accepted as one of the two international Key Note speakers for the F.E.A.S.T/ANZAED/Butterfly Foundation 2015 At Home With An Eating Disorder conference. The other speaker is F.E.A.S.T's Laura Collins.

I do hope that your D can gain from the inpatient at Denver Acute & then her stay at Monte Nido.

Here is a blog by Carolyn on the ANZAED web site http://www.anzaed.org.au/the-embodied-therapist

Warm & Kind thoughts to you

ED Dad
Oboe mom my daughter spent 17 days there. In many ways easier on the sufferer as they stay in there room. Dr Gaurdiani is amazing physician and human being. She helped my daughter immensely.
Take comfort in a great stabilizing team.
"Sometimes you just have to be your own hero"
Thanks, all. We have great confidence in the places that she's going to, as does my d. I heard Carolyn Costin speak at the 2014 FEAST conference in Dallas, and my d's therapist has great things to say about Dr Gaurdiani. Unlike the last time my d went to residential, when we had huge hope that she would be "cured", I understand that this cycle may only serve to get her out of danger and that she will still have to continue the struggle until one day she realizes the struggle is better than the disease.  
I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I understand all too well- almost sent our D to Denver Acute a few weeks ago but found a different location. Keep us updated

Merry Christmas to you as well [smile]
Oboemom wrote: "I understand ... that she will still have to continue the struggle until one day she realizes the struggle is better than the disease"

Very interesting perspective, and I think quite accurate when I think about my own daughter. She's very young, and is doing great--great weight for two years. But she still struggles. She has to choose wellness. She has to look back on where she was, where she is now, and realize that the struggle IS better, and by making healthy choices to eat, it lessens the struggle, and giving in to ED thoughts makes the struggle worse.

We want our kids to be able to walk away from ED, free and clear and never again be touched by the monster. That does describe some who recover from EDs. I hope dearly that it will describe my own daughter someday. But, until it does, she has to continue to make good choices by accepting (and seeking) the support that she needs to keep eating all of her meals and snacks.
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)