F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Waterman_48
Hi, I got some great and extremely helpful responses to my initial post--New Here. But I have a separate question for those with experience. I realize school is secondary to health, but I am wondering how did you/do you handle their education. My 13-year-old was going into the eighth grade, but he never started school because we went from hospitalization in August to the UCSD Center. He is now enrolled in the San Diego School District but his home-town school said he is welcome back. He is doing two hours of school a day at the UCSD program through the San Diego school district, and at this point not sure when he will return to school full time. I would think January at the soonest if he makes it at UCSD--much later, if ever, if he ends up in residential out of state. How does school happen through recovery--from what many of you describe, years of recovery. My sense, he might have to repeat the eighth grade. Hoping he can make it in high school.
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Enn
These kids are bright as Mimi says above. My d missed about 3 weeks but grade 6 all fine and highest marks.
You are right that it’s about health first and he is still doing schoolwork. Just as an example tina72’s d was at the end of high school and took many months off and still placed so well she received an award. So please don’t worry too much.
He will get there.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Kali

Hi Waterman_48, and welcome,

My daughter was so ill at her worst that she had to completely take time off from school for quite awhile. 

She was out of school for 8 months and then went part time for 4 months before transitioning back to full time. The good news is that she is back to her pre-illness level of functioning now. 

So I would say; it is great if your son is well enough to do some schoolwork while in treatment. You can see how he progresses and then make a decision about school moving forward.

We found that taking the reintegration into "normal life" slowly after being in treatment seemed to help with some of the stress and made the transition go a little smoother. 

When he does goes back you may want to look into getting a 504 plan worked out for him with the school if you feel he needs it. That could excuse him from gym or health, could mean that he would get extra time for assignments or tests if he had frequent dr. visits, etc. Or if he needed to be late in the morning to make sure he was eating properly or have a parent come and eat lunch with him, these things could be worked out. 

504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment. It is a federal law so applies in all states.

warmly,

Kali





 

Food=Love
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Mcmum
Morning from the UK. Just to reiterate what others have said. At the height of refeeding, we had 6 weeks at home but prior to this our son's concentration and academic progress had fallen off a cliff. Just recently (a month after wr (which is very much a moving target for us) his brain has suddenly come alive.

He's reverted to doing well at school, he's enjoying reading again, his conversation is witty, his vocabulary much broader and so on. Whatever your path through school, make sure that they are on board and supportive and have faith that your son will also have a reawakening. I've read it many times on here but didn't quite believe it until I saw it.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi,
my d was not in school for 4 months in the year before her A levels (Abitur in Germany). She did the rest of the year only half days. She missed a lot of lessons.
I experienced that most ED kids are highly intelligent or even gifted.
In her dark days she was not even able to follow the lessons as her brain was not working.

When she was in recovery and her brain started to work again we started with half days in her old class. The teachers offered her help and extra lessons but she did not need it in the end. She used the holidays to get on track again and she finished school this year with the best result of her year.

What I want to say with that is
a) school is not important at the moment
b) he will get all that later when his brain is better
c) do not worry about high school at all at that point

If he needs to repeat 8th grade so what. At the moment he is fighting for having a life after 8th grade.
And use all the possibilties your school system offers for long term sick children. School enrolled the red carpet for my d when she came back and it was a great help not to need to worry about school at all.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
It is very variable as to how long it is before children can return to full time schooling. Often during recovery their brain just doesn't function well enough for schooling. My own D had nearly two years out of school. Here the only requirement to advance in school is for the school to assess them as capable. D therefore continued in year 10 having left in year 8 without any schooling in between. There was a lot of angst and discussion about this with the school however it was felt in the end that returning her to a class where she had a number of friends was in her best interest. 

It turned out well for my D, who like many is very bright. It took her all of one term to get up to speed, and a further term to feel that she could manage the full workload.  She graduated with great marks and is now into university in the course she always wanted to do. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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deenl
Hi waterman,

I think this is an issue that is very individual to the patient. There are many aspects to school; educational, social, structure, self esteem, hanging out with friends, staying in touch with normal life etc. From my experience, therapists worry more about interruptions than I feel is necessary and there are increased pressures for some kids; social anxiety, triggered perfectionism, opportunity to skip food, etc

In our case, my son missed 2 full school years (he was 13 & 14), integrated slowly at the end of the second year, returned full time to his old class in the third year, is bright so no academic issues and in this, his 4th year post diagnosis, is in the first of two exam years. This was, for him, the best option for many reasons; concentration bust in the first couple of years, couldn't eat outside the home or with other people for 1.5 years and was so anxious due to malnutrition couldn't handle the social aspect until fully recovered. His mentor last year said he was socially much better than he'd ever seen him. 

But it really is an issued where everyone has their own path.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Waterman_48
Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. Like I said before, I know school is not the priority but I appreciate your own stories of how you forged a path forward. For my son, school has always been his happy place. He has always enjoyed it, even right up to the start of all of this. I am glad his UCSD program includes a school program, and I look forward to him getting back to school full time and continuing on with his life, but all of that can wait as we tame this ED monster.
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Torie
It has always amazed me how much time the schools manage to waste, but that is a subject for a different forum.  Do you have someone to help you figure out which subjects / topics from 8th grade he will actually need in high school and prioritize those?  I think math would be high on the list.  Probably a few topics from English (grammar and punctuation).   Foreign language (aka world language) is another one that builds on itself although they don't really need that before high school.  Social studies and science, sadly, can be skipped without much loss, I think.  Ditto for much of English and most of what we call "specials" (gym, health, music, etc.).

Just my opinion. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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deenl
Just for anyone who might need it - High school maths is available for free on Khan Academy They also do other subjects like sciences, art history etc

Basic foreign languages are also free on Duolingo

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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ValentinaGermania
Waterman_48 wrote:
For my son, school has always been his happy place. He has always enjoyed it, even right up to the start of all of this. I am glad his UCSD program includes a school program, and I look forward to him getting back to school full time and continuing on with his life, but all of that can wait as we tame this ED monster.


So maybe that will be your card to play as incentive. For us, school was also a possiblity to get her socialized again.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Waterman_48
The school part of his program focuses on math and English. We'll see if that will be enough when he transitions back to his school for him to be considered at pace with his classmates, but if not no big deal--at least that's easy for me to say. It might be a big deal for him, especially if he is not able to move on to high school with his friends. But, cross that bridge when it comes.
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