F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Enn Show full post »
needhelp
Love hearing all the Gold Star Moments!!!

As for the shakes - my D is 2 years WR - and still had smoothies on a regular basis.  I think it is a good habit for this busy college student - quick to grab so we don't get into the habit of missing meals, or allowing herself to get hungry,  on a very busy day.  I probably should have bought stock in Smoothie King😂.

Our Gold Star moments of celebration now are more about accepting body image. There are still days when she gets upset about how she looks (usually around her period - when appetite increases) - but  celebrate when she buys a bathing suit (and sends a pix of her trying it on and liking it), or likes the way she does look in an outfit.  Only parents on this site could understand how important that is - and that it is not a portrait in vanity - it is truly the sheer joy of not breaking down in tears when she looks at herself, and feeling happy with herself. 

TIP- her therapist gave her a very helpful tip, once she was well passed WR.  She suggested that she get rid of old clothes, and buy new ones that fit and enjoy them. Not having clothes that were a size or two smaller has been a HUGE benefit. The gold star here is that a few things did remain in her closet (more out of sloppiness than really wanting them) - and she was able to put them in a bag to sell to a consignment store and say, "I'll never fit into these." -- without getting upset - but being excited to earn some cash that she could use to shop for something new. YES- we LOVE the normal around here on this site!!! 
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Enn

Oh needhelp, so lovely to hear your d doing so well!
After being through what we all have, normal does take on a wholly different feel doesn’t it? We truly appreciate normal on a deeper level.  🎊 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mfab12
After 2 years of going along (albeit bumping) with the FBT - not engaging with any meaningful therapy with the only motivation being 'to get me off her back soon she can be back in control like a normal 17yr old' over the last month something has clicked (I Think part of it was the threat no university next year - although had tried this before) She is now actively engaging in recovery, speaking to CBT therapist, telling me the Last of the fear foods/eating them, talking to me like I'm a human and sharing with her close friends what is happening and asking them not to talk about diets in front of her. I'm not thinking we are done here but over the last 2 years I never thought we'd get to this turning point. I hope we don't turn back and I hope everyone else has their turning points coming for their children. 
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Pointerpuppy
mfab12 that is so great to hear. It's amazing to see them begin to be "normal". We have had the same over the last few months. So nice to see the actively engage in recovery stage. Still some struggles but definitely light at the end of the tunnel!
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LaraB
@mfab12 that is so great to hear. I am so happy for you and your daughter. How amazing to see such positive change on so many fronts.
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kkhrd
Amazing!! So happy for her and for you!  
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KLB

A gold star, but also a warning to others. S has been really struggling with the compulsive exercise the last few weeks. It’s been really, really bad and this morning we finally found out what the problem has been. There’s a UK website (I won’t say the name) that basically works out how much exercise you need to do to burn off food and drink you’ve eaten. It’s so specific that it actually tells you the exact number of burpees or sit ups to do, or miles to run, and it’s been feeding into his compulsion so badly he’s been getting up at night to exercise. He finally opened up this morning, after missing his 4th swimming session, due to losing all his points, and begged us to block the website on everything we own that can access the internet. That’s the gold star - him telling us and asking for help. 

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kkhrd
Wow!  I’m so sorry that you’ve been struggling again!  This is such an incredible step by your son to ask for help!
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Enn
That is great KLB. I am so glad he was able to tell you to block that awful site!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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MKR
@needhelp, I hear you! "It is not a portrait in vanity - it is truly the sheer joy." We can truly appreciate our children catching up on what they have missed on. We can enjoy watching our children grow again, instead of that horror movie where there are so mamy ED twists lurking.

Thank you for sharing and well done bringing your girl's confidence back!

@mfab12, I hear you! "talking to me like I'm a human" still not standard here. Lovely to see how your d is actively managing any intrusive thoughts and enjoying normal life. All the best to you both.

@KLB, I am amazed how much awareness your son has of any triggers and how he can truly separate himself from ED. He is on your team and togethet you will win!

Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Foodsupport_AUS
KLB so sorry to hear that you son is struggling, but it is also great that he is asking for help and recognising how much of an issue it is. Hopefully you and your husband will be able to use this to help stand in the way of his compulsion. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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PurpleRain
Wow @KLB he recognized the problem and asked for you help! Starting to work as a team, that's fantastic!
@mfab12 and @needhelp, great gold star moments!
I'm having a bit of normalcy too, is wonderful isn't it?
My D is also enjoying buying and wearing new clothes including a swimsuit and a cute one too! And she started highschool in anew school, online due to lockdown, which gives me the opportunity to hear her participating in class, laughing with classmates, she sounds confident and happy, she sounds like herself, such a joy and a gift to me!
We still have work to do (on her first day of classes she was already thinking about final grades! Not stressing about them but still, her perfectionism is alive and well), but it's been a normal (the best!) and joyful back to school week.
Best wishes to all!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018. We found ATDT and started refeeding at home march 2019. WR+ cushion June 2019.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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PurpleRain
The swimming suit arrived, she tried it on and liked it! And it shows a bit of her tummy! Now we'll have to see if she actually uses it. 
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018. We found ATDT and started refeeding at home march 2019. WR+ cushion June 2019.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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