F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #1 

Hi all,
I have been reading around the forum and found myself looking at very old posts.
I came across one started by Laura Collins L-M I think from 2011. It discussed the day's victories- it had over 1700 responses!! It was so inspirational. Those in the mines sloggin' away sharing the really special events that keep them (ie US) motivated to do the hardest job in the world- HERO PARENTING. 

I know it is hard to recall, in the moment, that something really good happened. Like your child letting you hug them during the hard re-feeding, or a statement like "this is nice to eat".  I know that it is hard, painful work we do, everyday and the worries we hold all the time, and I would like to ask you all to post a "gold star"(remembering my elementary school days here) moment. 
There are none that are too "small" to mention. 

For me, It was only when I posted here and others replied, that I was able to see the improvements for my D. 

I hope that those who write on  this post will not only help others, but help themselves in the knowledge that what we do is so worth it and that there ARE amazing moments everyday that we can share.  

XXX


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #2 
I will go first...
Last weekend, eating dinner and my son says "mom I don't like the peas, they are bland", AN d says, without skipping a beat, " add more BUTTER, they are really good". It was such a normal thing to say, and I did not pick up how monumental it was for her, until I went to bed and thought about the day. Then I realized, since diagnosis, she has NOT said, that she really likes the food, and especially adding the butter??!!
[biggrin]


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
wheresmywand

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi scaredmom, cool idea.

I had one this week (which Ive already put in my thread and didn't realise it was a 'moment' until Torie pointed it out).
She had finished her dessert (with cream) that 2 months ago would have been an issue and said 'that was yum thanks Mum'.

She said again the next night something was yum as well.

Looking forward to seeing others
xx



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17 yr old daughter dx RAN Jan 16, but starting restricting some months before that. Let go too early and now back home gaining weight again, slowly challenging fear foods and entrenched 'healthy, pure' eating habits and behaviours.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #4 
It used to be the daily victories thread, but what a great idea to rebadge it as Gold star moments. 


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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
deenl

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Reply with quote  #5 
I think the very first one was when I realised that he was using a normal voice. When he was very ill he only spoke in the quietest whisper. We literally had to put our ear right in front of him in order to hear him. Like so often the change happened gradually but it was one of our first positive signs and did my heart so much good.

Another is seeing all 3 sons cycle off together to secondary school after ED son was home for 2 years and youngest son was very unhappy in primary. Seeing them all head off in good form just never gets old for me.

Warm wishes,

D

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2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, tons of variety in food, stepping back into social life. Sept 2017, back to school full time for the first time in 2 years. Happy and relaxed, just usual non ED hassles. 

  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal. (but don't give up on the plan too soon, maybe it just needs a tweak or a bit more time and determination [wink] )
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
doris

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Reply with quote  #6 
This is a lovely idea. Sometimes things happen that you hadn't really realised you'd missed. My daughter has only recently started playing music again in her room. She loved listening to music pre ED and to hear her music again (though not to my taste!!!) is just wonderful. x
tina72

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Reply with quote  #7 
To get a hug again.
Talking with a normal voice.
When she played music again. Singing in the shower.
Laughter about a funny soap on TV.
The first snacking besides meal plan.
To hear "thank you" and "please" again.

I could add hundreds. You only see them looking backwards. So little steps...

Tina72

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
HopeNZ

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Reply with quote  #8 
Great idea!

Occasionally my d will gulp down her late-night smoothie, smack her lips and say, 'Mmm, delicious!  Can you make that one again?'.  I smile all the way to bed time [smile]
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #9 

Doris,
That is exactly right!"Sometimes things happen that you hadn't really realised you'd missed"

I want those in the trenches to know that even when things feel so bleak, there really is a beacon of light. Even on the darkest nights, stars abound! Just look up!

All these Gold stars! So wonderful!


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #10 

Tina72,
All those things you listed, seem so "normal" but with ED these are the best things ever!!

XXX


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #11 
hopenz,
yup [smile][smile][smile] all the way to bedtime!!
xxx

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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
martican

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Reply with quote  #12 
Adding mine: went to NY fries, and my D got vegetarian poutine (eating meat in public is still to be conquered). She ate half of it and said: Normally, I would feel to be done now but this is so good so I will continue eating." My heart skipped a beat from happiness (as I thought to myself: "you'd have to eat it regardless😉) 
Also, having small snacks besides regular ones without telling me to deduct the next meal/snack for what she has eaten on her own. 
Eating food in (supervised) social group she goes to, and telling me that their muffins taste better than mine, or their lasagna was better(staff confirms with me what she ate). I am not even mad that their food tastes better, lol
mid73

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Reply with quote  #13 
This week

“What else can I have for snack? I’m really hungry”

😁
tina72

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Reply with quote  #14 
Edhater,
I am sure this is definitively a gold star!!!
You will see a green day, soon!

Fight that bastard out of the house!
Tian72

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scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #15 

edhater, 
I echo Tina. This is triple gold star!! Take that ED!!
Oh man, all of these moments are so golden!

xx


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
4kgc

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Reply with quote  #16 
I LOVE this idea, thank you!

We were at a family social event, and another mom in attendance, who knows my daughter's diagnosis of AN and knows of her struggle, texted me from across the table. I was seated facing a direction that I couldn't see my daughter, this other mom could.

Her text said "She just ate a pretzel."

No one had told her to do that, she'd just picked a pretzel off the table with the snacks laid out. And SHE ATE IT! 😉 😉 😉
OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #17 
Can we pitch in even if we are long time recovered?  My d doesn't eat much dairy and I always worry she'll go vegan or just not get enough calcium.  She said she ordered UberEats the other day and had a toasted cheese sandwich delivered. Yay, cheese!
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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #18 
Absolutely pitch in if recovered. If it gives that inner glow that no one else will understand I think it counts. Yay cheese. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
martican

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Reply with quote  #19 
Gotta add couple more, I hope it's okay.
We were talking about ordering pizza last night with my h and son. I wasn't including my D, thinking I will prep her something (I guess out of habit, not even sure why). She jumped into our conversation, saying: I will have pizza, too! (So I ordered double cheese [wink])
Another one - we were at the mall where there were tables from heatlh unit, and you could chose to answer some questions, and you'd get some trinket. My D loves trinkets, so she wanted to participate. The nurse gave her an.option if she wanted to answer a question about sugar or immunization. My D said the latter, and then she looked at me with a smile. Irony is, that we go to this place for ED therapy, and they were promoting healthy eating there (along with other things so we avoided the eating education part). However, our T at that unit is all about food is medicine. I am starting to think we are getting somewhere :)
doris

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Reply with quote  #20 
My daughter's period started today for the first time in 10 months.[smile]

Kali

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Reply with quote  #21 
[thumb] Doris!

Kali

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OneToughMomma

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Reply with quote  #22 
We need a like button!  Gotta love the return of the period!  Such a great encouragement. 
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D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
tina72

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Reply with quote  #23 
Doris, I celebrate with you!
[wave]
Tina72

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d off to University now 2 years after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #24 

I am so uplifted by all of these moments. They also give me more ideas on how to challenge D. We have not yet done NYF! But we did McDs' yesterday and it has been 8 yrs, I think ,since she had it. She ate the chicken nuggets, was anxious, no fries, but did it!!
I was trying to find a way to post a gold star... but I am not a techy!

Bless you all, you loving people! 


XXX

 


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Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Kali

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Reply with quote  #25 
Our gold star moment a few weeks ago:
My d. told me how "stupid" it had been of her to go off to university and not eat.
(We had to bring her home on a medical leave and she went into very serious treatment, and it was a year before she was able to go back again)

I did let her know that it wasn't because she was "stupid" but because she had been ill and hopefully it would not happen again and because of that, she would be able to do the things she wanted to do in her life.

Kali

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