F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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TracyL
My daughter is 21. Diagnosed with bulimia, then ednos in Feb this year. She found bulimia when she was 13, but it became severe about 10 months ago. My daughter cannot speak about it at all. She has so much shame, guilt and extreme self hatred. She is a different person. We are going to inpatient tomorrow. Flinders Medical Ctr. Adelaide. Australia.
My daughter is so scared. Im so scared for her. 
Any advice or experience you could share about IP would be greatly appreciated.
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tina72
Hi TracyL,
my experience with IP in Germany will not help you but I am sure that some Aussies will be around soon to help you with that question.
I just want to say welcome and that I am glad that you found us here. And that you should not lose hope. EDs are treatable, even at that age. Do not give up.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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TracyL
Hi Tina72.
Thank you.
What has been your experience with IP? How long do you think is best? Was it successful? Can you let me know your experience please? Thank you
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tina72
I really like to share that with you but I think it will not really help you and give you a wrong picture. IP was really bad here in Germany, totally old fashioned with a lot of parent blaming and not professional at all and we needed to take our d home after 3 months and do FBT at home on our own.
IP was not successful at all here but FBT was. My d has RAN (restrictive anorexia nervosa).

In most countries where they have a more professional system the kids are in IP as long as it is medically necessary and the parents learn there how to refeed them at home then and how to fight the ED behaviour (which is essential).
Although your d is a young adult as mine she will need help to stick to the rules she has learned and you need to help her with that afterwards so a good IP will teach you how to do that.
Off for lunch now but please come back to ask more questions later 🙂.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
Hey Aussies,
can anyone here help Tracy with IP experiences in Australia?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
TracyL, 
Welcome to the forum.
Here is a thread that may be of some help to you.
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/residential-inpatient-care-australia-9716423?highlight=australia&pid=1303971813
I see you have started this thread in the "Parent Review of Treatment Providers" category. I have now moved this to the main forum and it should receive more traffic. 
All the best,

Thanks
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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kazi67
Hi TracyL
i hope you can get the support you need and questions answered 
sorry to hear your d has been ill for so long but I hope she can now get the care she needs
Obviously each case is different and treatment  is individual but the main thing is for your d to be medically stable and to get nutrition in 
which is what they will do IP
Hopefully you will get to speak with the team and they will explain their treatment to you for your d 
it is a really scarey time for both you and your d but know your d is being cared for and is “safe” whilst IP
My mantra to my d whilst she was IP was “to trust the process” even though I was faking it as I didn’t even really know what the process was at that stage 
my d was admitted extremely ill and at that time I didn’t ask any questions I was just thankful she was going to get looked after she had lost so much weight and was medically unstable 

does you d live with you? If so my advise to you would be to take the time whilst your d is IP to take care of yourself so that when she gets home you are strong and well to help support her
massages, facials, rest, read whatever you like to do, it’s really important to do that for yourself!! 

On my d second admission she decided to keep me out of the treatment and I don’t get told anything which is difficult so you can ask your d to let you be involved and that would possibly make things easier for you 

each case is different so it’s hard for me to say how your experience will be or how long your d will be IP
these are questions to ask at the hospital 
i did find my d IP treatment successful but that’s not to say it was easy 

My d is now home and doing ok, just started her first job since she became ill 2 years ago 
so we are all very proud of how far she has come

take care 
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NELLY_UK
Hi Tracey, I am in the UK and my girl has bulimia. Her IP stay failed for the following reasons(it may well have failed anyway) so I thought I would share this with you even though treatment you receive will be very different.
She was discharged too soon, they based her recovery on her weight. She mind was still so entrenched she just relapsed soon after discharge. 
Her meal plan which should have been her anchor and her go to regime, was removed and she was given control of her eating too early. I would say that should stay in place for a few years. 
On discharge, her community team were not strict enough and there was no readmission details.
In IP she had to eat everything on schedule if she didn’t she was NG tubed. She couldn’t use the bathroom unaccompanied. It was locked, as was the kitchen. Not like real life- not sure that was helping prepare for home leave. 
She was on stricter monitoring when she was caught vomiting in a tissue and throwing it out the window. She vomited in a pot plant, in a magazine, it was undoubtedly very difficult for her. 
She went to always trying to eat, which Ip saw as success. It wasn’t - when she came home and vomited everything. 
you know your daughter best so be very certain when she is discharged what the process is if she relapses and what support is there on discharge. 
Meanwhile, recharge your batteries, she is safe and you will need to be ready for whenshe comes home. 
It is good she is being treated. Well done! 
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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TracyL
Hi scaredmom

Yes, can you move it please. I read the instructions how to use this forum, but im clueless.

Thank you so much.
TracyL
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TracyL
Hi nelly_uk

Thank you so much for the info. Exactly what im after. The things i dont generally think about. So insightful, so helpful. To have a readmittance plan, i never thought about that and more. Thank you so much
Xxoo
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TracyL
Hi Kazi

Thank you soo much. Your words are exactly what i needed to hear. Im so happy your d is doing well :)

Thank you
Xxoo
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kazi67
TracyL
Still not sure if your d lives at home with you but if so and you are supporting her after her discharge?
she will not be “cured” once she is discharged
because of her age we found with our d this is where it got tricky 
not so much on first discharge as I took time off work to help support my d  24/7 to follow meal plan and for supervising eating ran the house like IP routine 3 meals 3 snacks a day 

on her second discharge she didn’t want help from me her team encouraged me to go back to work and she has been more independant
however we have a very good relationship (thankfully) and I feel I’ve been more of a “dolphin” guiding her and reminding her to think about what she’s doing this day and being prepared (taking lunch if going somewhere) or snack  reminding her to take her Medicine on time etc (my d on anti anxiety, anti depressents now and we worked out how important to take these on time)
We find we have to take things/life very slowly with her
one day at a time 
one foot I front of the other 
we cant overwhelm her
mini goals 
it has been no way easy 
my d came home self harming, crying, irrational she was very anxious being out of the “safety net” of hospital 
but we can try to help them if we have patience, compassion, kindness and we used any leverage we could
ie: continue seeing therapist = we pay for car
want $$ for socialising etc = eat what you need to eat
we actually ended up giving her an allowance to use in exchange for her to continue OP care (physc etc appts)
a contract as such but not written

this may not work with your d but just thought I’d share what worked for us but this would be for you to put some thought into now it’s also a kind of moving/fluid contract as goals change 
mini goal making may  be more helpful to start with 
you know your d and any incentives that may work for her as every kid/YA different and what works for one may not work for another as you will see if you read around on the forum and again what works for younger may not work for older and also depends a lot on your own d nature and wether she involves you or not and wether the team involves you 
it’s not a one way fixes all
its all so complex and complicated and it can be 2 steps forward 1 back 
It’s so hard, it really is, I’m exhausted and always tired and I didn’t think my d would ever get better, but thankfully she is, be it VERY SLOWLY 
good luck I hope something above is useful and don’t forget as questions arise just ask and someone will try to help 
hope this makes some sense 
x
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TracyL
Thank you so much. Yes she lives at home. I am taking 1-2 weeks off work on discharge. She has agreed to 4 weeks ip. I hope it ends up being 8.
Thanks so much for your help and information. Greatly helpful and appreciated
Xx
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kazi67
Good luck I do hope your precious d gets the care she needs and you get some time to care for yourself too!
Oh that’s good she is still at home with you
i do think they need our support and encouragement to keep well once discharged 
my d has AN but most of the treatments seem to be similar and most importantly 
eating 6 times a day NOT NEGOTIABLE
3 normal meals and 3 normal snacks a day 
i also started to see a therapist (ED specialised) and I would HIGHLY recommend that so that you have some strategies into how you can support her the best and simple things can make a huge difference 

I also would be hoping she can stay in for 8 weeks, maybe her team will take the first 4 weeks to get treatment started and then convince her to stay longer if she needs
our d had to admit voluntarily (even though she was so very sick) but that’s the rules and I know it’s different everywhere (and that doesn’t mean it’s right either) as with this illness the don’t see themselves as ill

but anyway you have got her IP help and this will be the start of her rocky road of recovery 
It has taken 2 years with my d and she still sees specialists once a week and we really never know what will happen from one day to the next but she IS getting better
I wish you both all the best x
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tina72
TracyL wrote:
I am taking 1-2 weeks off work on discharge.


To be honest, that might not be enough. Can you have some more time off? Or get another adult into the boat to help you? Half time work for some time x?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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TracyL
Okay. Will reassess. Thank you. Your input it so greatly appreciated.
X
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tina72
It would be perfect if you could have all meals and snacks with her together for some time x until she is used to stick to the rules at home, too. The more perfect this transition from IP to home is the less is her relapse risk and the earlier you can go back to work. This is very crucial, the transition home is one of the big relapse risks we see here.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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TracyL
Thank you so much.
Your insight is so crucial to me. I am so grateful. These things are the things that are overlooked. I will have 4 weeks off. Have a plan A, plan B. Maybe a plan C.
Also, have an actual plan in coming home. Have a plan for any relapse.

I am looking into yoga, meditation, accupuncture, massage, float tank - to move forward in her recovery. Have a schedule to keep her active and have purpose in her recovery.

Thank you
Xx
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tina72
Sounds perfect! Especially to have a plan A,B,C 🙂.
The relaxation part not only for your d but also for you, please. It is very stressy and you really need to care for yourself to be 100% fit to help her.
Prepare her coming home the best you can. Fill the fridge with ready made portions before so you do not need to cook so much. 🙂
Come back with all your 1 million questions that will come. Here is always someone nice online 24/7.

You will get that. Try to fake confidence if needed, you are her mirror and if she sees that you believe in recovery she can do that too.
Recovery from ED is possible. It is not easy and it is a long run but she can get there. And you are the best person to help her with that because you love her and will not let her down no matter what happens and that is most important thing in ED recovery. Stay calm, stick to the rules, day by day, week by week until she can do it alone. We are all here to support you.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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TracyL
Thank you.
You are amazing!
💗
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tina72
I just try to give back what others here did for me 2 years ago. It is so important to have good information from first hand (and who can give better tipps and information than parents who have survived this and know what you are taking about) and it is so important to have hope to stand this.
2,5 years ago my d was nearly dying from AN and now she is off to University. I did not believe this could ever happen then. It was the old rabbits here that kept me going on and I am quite sure you will soon give some support to newbies with BN/ednos here...🙂
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Here is book that you may find useful.
https://www.guilford.com/books/Treating-Bulimia-in-Adolescents/Grange-Lock/9781606233511/reviews


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
Although for adolescents, that book may have some useful ideas
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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