F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pingu
What a mess. 

The relationship with camhs has completely broken down to the point that her care coordinator yesterday called me and ranted on the phone. I am not being dramatic a full on rant. 
I am raising a formal complaint as I've already spoken to his manager as I think some of his comments are inappropriate 
What do you guys thi k

As we go to pride he asked her is she gay in front of me?

Asked if I would allow her to do drink and drugs... In front if her mind 

Told her that she had put more weight on than she thought even though I specifically asked him not to... She restricted the following week so back to lower than before

Adv we should argue more as who can she practice arguing with if not me. 

Doesn't do anything we ask regarding school 

Wasn't even there at camhs to weigh her last Friday when she got stuck on the motorway and she called to say they would be 15 mi s late. Reception told me also he wasn't in so for my daughter not to turn up. She has now not been weighed in 2 weeks. 
He then in yesterday's rant lied and said he was waiti g for her. 

He's also made comments to her that if he had to eat a bowl of vomit he might struggle too, k
Didn't think my cooking was that bad! 

Have asked for an individual funding referral to a private out patient facility we saw last week. 

I can't deal with camhs and the added stress they bring 
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sk8r31
So sorry to hear how challenging it is with CAMHS.  And I agree that you should be filing a complaint and asking for individual funding for an alternate arrangement.  I don't live in the UK, so can't comment on best way to achieve this, but from dealing with other difficult situations, I recommend documenting as much as you can.  And if you have an in-person meeting to discuss the situation, try to be as calm and non-reactive as you possibly can.  
It's not the same, but in dealing with the insurance company when we were asking for more coverage, it also helped to highlight the monetary savings in asking for 'X' treatment.  In other words, letting them know how they can save money by covering 'X' treatment.
I'm truly sorry that you are having to deal with this.  Sending warm support to you.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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ValentinaGermania
I am also sure you should do something about this and you are right to complain! Unbelievable... did he get his licence from a lottery?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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melstevUK
Pingu,

It is absolutely unacceptable for any care coordinator to rant on the phone and some of the comments were indeed most appropriate.

The comment about having to eat a bowl of vomit was probably meant with the best intentions but badly handled.  An acknowledgement of how difficult it is to eat for patients was not the most sensitive or effective.  

You need to complain, definitely.  The question about her being gay was also badly dealt with.  I understand that in some instances there may be a reluctance to put on weight in the teenage years when there are issues of transgender in the equation and no doubt clinicians have been alerted to this possibility - however, his handling appears to have been crass on all levels.

"Have asked for an individual funding referral to a private out patient facility we saw last week."

In all honesty - I can't see this being granted.  I already went down this path as an advocate in the north of England for an ed patient who was doing well under a private service which she paid out of her own pocket.  But the all powerful CCGs in England will not finance any option when there is no contract in place.  There is absolutely no flexibility and you will bang your head against a brick wall.  Try it by all means but I think you will find yourself in the same position.

You have the right for her to see a different psychiatrist which may well bring other clinicians into the equation.  

What exactly is the care coordinator's clinical position - CAMHS nurse?

Are you still struggling with weight gain and feeling CAMHS are not backing you?

What do you want which this CAMHS team are failing to provide?  

If you want to make changes you need to focus on what those changes need to be.


Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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