F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

HateEDwithApassion
My DD is in recovery, WR from ED and seems to be doing ok that way. However, lots of other negative copying mechanisms including substance abuse, SH, etc. You all are familiar with the drill. We just stared DBT skills group three weeks ago. She's willing to go, but not sure how much she is taking in. 

Just found out she secretly stopped taking her Lexapro for the second time. I am furious. I am so tired of being lied to. I know it comes with this disease, but I am mad. I am driving an hour one way to DBT, taking her to therapist 1 x a week, drug testing and breathalyzing, pushing her to do her DBT homework. Etc. It's like we want her to get well, and she just doesn't want to be compliant with anything. I know many of you understand this - and I'm just venting, but hell. I'm tired of being lied to constantly and thinking my child is still the honest, really trying kid and then finding out time and time again she's not. I found one of her pills laying on the ground yesterday and questioned her - was she taking her meds. Yes - looked me right in the eye. I really am mom. 

I just want to wash my hands of it today. I won't of course - but I want to. When does it end, if ever. I can't trust her and maybe never will again. That's all - had to complain. No answers, I know. And, I'm glad we are still in the fight, but c'mon DD - help us out here!
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Quote
Torie
Oh dang. This vile illness sure does suck. Glad we have this place to vent.

Hang in there. You're a fab mom/mum.

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Quote
NELLY_UK
I know you are pissed off but blimey - she is going to DBT AND the testing etc etc. she is complying with that. Well done, i cant get my d to any appointments. Also 17 and kicking back against parental control of any kind BIG time.
Dont give up, you are doing great.
I wish i could get my d to go to anything at all.
Keep persisting like a broken record with the meds. You are making progress believe me. Its just hard to spot. My d has not had her meds for three days but she had them today. She refused her blood tests.
Grrr bloomin illness- we never asked for this did we?
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Quote
HateEDwithApassion
Nelly,
Thank you - you are a wonderful voice of reason, and I appreciate it.

Reading through the posts from all of you fighting ED the UK, I can see how much harder it is for you all to get good care for your children. I'm so sorry! You are totally right - I do have much to be thankful for, and not least of all that I still have her with us, and we still have a chance then to eventually have some victory over all of this.  That alone is a huge huge thing. I'm sorry to complain. Deep breath. Prayer. Deep breath again. We can do this. [smile]

19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Quote
NELLY_UK
I agree that you should vent and complain as much as you want on here, after all it is how you feel and thats important. Very.
I just hope i helped in some way.
Keep going! X
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
Quote
zuzmat
Hi HateED,

I could have written every word of your post.  I have just found out that my d came off her meds two months ago without telling anyone and against her psychiatrist's advice.  Now I know why she has suddenly had two major SH episodes (having not had one for a year).  It doesn't take a genius to make the link but she won't listen, of course.  And then, as you say, there's the substance abuse, panic attacks etc

I too am thoroughly sick of being constantly lied to. I also hate the fact that I'm needed when things are bad and she has nobody else to turn to - I'm expected to be her emotional punchbag 24/7 and just put up with whatever she throws at me - but she can't trust me enough to discuss coming off her meds.  I seem to spend my time clearing up after her - both literally and metaphorically - and being abused, not being able to trust a word she says, and getting absolutely nothing positive in return.

So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.....!!!  

Keep going - you're doing a great job.  (Even if it doesn't feel like it!)


     
Quote
HateEDwithApassion
Zuzmat,

I hear you. Sometimes it helps me to think that right now she's my mission. Something God gave to me to do on this earth - be here for my D because He knows I can do it. At least that's what I tell myself. I'm better today. Still mad, but I'm finding some compassion in here somewhere for her. What a horrible illness. 
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Quote
MegsMom
I also could have written your post a year ago. 
Last Sept we started DBT after many years of AN and relapse and IP and overdoses and self harm .....
I want to let you know that we came out the other side. 
We still have issues, but like you and yours we went to DBT, with many sessions where she was just going through the paces (It was a part of a contract to fund any further education).  She also stopped taking meds and saw and experienced the results.  DBT helped her understand that there are consequences that she has the ability to control.  After one more overdose that put her in the Psych ward with psychosis, she got it.  And she studied all of the DBT skills and practiced and wished she had paid more attention.  But she did learn them.  It did help and now she's at University living on her own...telling others how to handle drugs, alcohol and how to stand up to boyfriends who mistreat them. Not saying everything is perfect, but its a hell of a lot better.
Keep gong, keep taking her to DBT, keep being her rock. And as my D put it the other day - I am her wise mind in the back of her head helping the emotional mind to rest.  You can do it.
MegsMom
Quote
HateEDwithApassion
Megsmom,

I just read your reply tonight and want to thank you for writing it. I really am feeling hopeless tonight and frustrated and sad. And reading that it's possible that next year - or anytime in the future for that matter - my D could be in a good better place is encouraging. I feel like things just keep getting worse and not better. Like we are running in the same place on the treadmill without getting ahead - and it's been three years.

I'm putting a lot of faith in DBT - I believe it's an excellent therapy. I just hope she will do the work. Anyway, thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I really really needed to hear your story tonight. I hope one day my D will see me as her ally like your daughter does instead of her constant enemy.  



19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
Quote

        

WTadmin