F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Purple_UK
Happy new year everyone, let's hope it's a good one for each and every one of us.
I have ( as usual) a silly question.
D is doing very well. Finally, over 18 months after the onset of this horrible illness, her mental state has started to change. She wants to get better! She wants to lead a normal life, do normal teenage things.
She has stopped rejected me, which is beyond wonderful.
She now trusts me.
We talk, and cuddle, and occasionally we have some ed free mother and daughter times .
She eats, but only if I, or someone else , sits with her.
She has recently lost some weight, and knows she's got to gain. ( 4 days at her dads over the xmas period!)
She has helped plan a sensible diet increase, and is coping okish with it ( she's got to eat a LOT to gain)
At the onset of the anorexia she ate fruit. A lot of fruit. Replaced meals with fruit and veg.
This is what initially got my warning bells ringing.
She now adds fruit to breakfast and dinner, as extras.So 2 pieces with her cereal, and one or two with her pudding.
My H says I should be concerned, as he feels it's OTT.
As an increase we've also added a banana to pm snack.
She says she genuinely likes the taste of fruit.
I just have bad memories of bowls of fruit, maybe that's why I don't like it?
Any thoughts anyone?

Purple 
Where there's a will there's a way.
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marilyn
Since she needs to gain right now, I might tell her that she can't add fruit until she has gained the weight she needs -- 

unless you see her eat everything else that she needs to, and then eats fruit at the end of the meal?  And keeps gaining?  If she started adding more fruit after losing some weight, I would be concerned, myself.
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GettingThroughIt
Hmmmm seems like this is sending warning bells to both you and your husband.  Go with your gut.
Is she replacing her snacks with fruits?  You could tell her she may eat a piece of fruit with the rest of her snack...but just fruit will not be enough of a snack for a growing girl who needs to gain weight.  If it were me, I would be concerned that she is trying to minimize her gain or even lose more weight, especially after her recent weight loss.
But it sounds to me like you've caught it early enough!
Sending hugs!!
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JangledUSA
Hmm..  just to play the devil's advocate - she's adding them as extras - not as replacements - correct?     

Going with the idea of there being no bad foods - what's wrong with adding fruit as an extra?
A dad.
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RAWR12
Sorry, I'm a little thick... OTT?

I would say allow her to have the fruit providing:
 - Her weight is increasing.
 - She does not reject other types of food offered to her.
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BattyMatty_UK
Ah the dreaded "fruit phobia" which I also have, dear Purple. As you'll know from my blog, my son developed a passion for chopping up fresh and dried fruit during the summer he began to exhibit signs of AN. He, too, is still big on fruit. But it's what he adds to it that matters. I have been keeping my eyes open, too, as I was a bit concerned about the move to having lots of cereal (e.g. Cheerios) and low fat yog with the fruit rather than ice cream or sundaes... So check out what's being eaten with the fruit and trust your instinct. Hopefully she's adding lots of lovely calorific stuff!!! Love Batty xxx
Bev Mattocks, mother of 24-year old male DX with RAN 2009, now recovered. Joined this forum in 2010 - it was a lifesaver.
 
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Purple_UK
Ott is Over The Top, sorry.
It's so hard to learn to trust her again, and part of me doesn't want to trust her ( with regards to food related stuff), cause that might mean being lured into a false sense of security. And it's only very recently she's turning a corner mentally.
Ed is still very much present though.
She still shakes a lot. Thinks about food a lot. Etc
She does eat everything else ( apart from cheese, haven't managed to tackle cheese yet)
She even had a chocolate reindeer at Xmas day, at her request, and seemed to enjoy it.
It's been such a long hard road to get to where we are today, I don't want it all to collapse again, I'm scared.
The fruit, apart from the pm banana, is all extra to all the other stuff she eats.
I sit with her during meals, I've learned most of the tricks ( I think, hope )
No tricks at the moment. Just eating. And a bit quicker than she used to.
Baked beans on home made bread at lunch. This would have been inconceivable in the past ( as unable to calculate calories in the bread)
She gets weighed weekly at the psychiatrists, who won't allow any further loss.
Will I ever ever fully trust her again?? Or would that be stupid??
Purple 
Where there's a will there's a way.
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basrplay
while our dd was in weight gain mode, I allowed fruits and veggies but always served with peanut butter or yougurt or fruit dip or cream cheese or ranch dressing. They just take up too much room/too filling for the low calories they provide. I did not want to cut anything out and of course, fruits and veggies have lots of nutrients/vitamins and are good for digestion, but they had to be boosted for calorie content. So if her weight is truly where it needs to be and she is maintaining then ok, but only if she is not replacing other foods or rejecting the fruits if you serve with pb or yogurt or something.
basr
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mamabear
Weird idea ... What about adding a fruit dip with her fruit. I mAke it with marshmallow fluff, cream cheese, powdered sugar, a d a dash of lemon juice. We used to use fruit dip a lot during early refeeding. Trust your guts.... If it feelsike Ed, then it probably is.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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DolphinUK
My D has a piece of fruit everyday after lunch and also a fruit smoothie each day too.
I dont see anything wrong as long as it is in addition to her meal, and not a substitute for something else.

We are only now tackling the desserts and managed to refeed without using high cal puddings.
This is just our experience and what worked for us, but everyone is different and you know what works for your D.

Hugs 
You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore
Christopher Columbus
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melstevUK
Purple,

I imagine that d's weight loss has caused this response - she is probably being quite genuine when she says she likes the fruit - but slipping back to more anorexic thinking happens without the sufferer knowing it is happening in the early stages.  I don't think she is trying to fool you and it is not that you cannot trust her, you cannot trust the illness.
If you can persuade her to get other additions and not just fruit to get this weight loss back as quickly as possible, it will be your safest option.  Mamabear's idea is a good one, using dips.
But maybe suggest having toast with the cereals rather than just fruit - her response will be an indicator of how 'anorexic' her current mindset is.

And if she has to eat a lot to gain weight, then it makes sense to push more calorie-dense food.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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Colleen

A very yummy fruit dip.  It's for apple slices and makes them taste like caramel apples (without all the stuff sticking to your teeth)!  But it's great with bananas too.

Fruit dip

1 8-oz pkg cream cheese (full fat of course)
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla

Use a mixer.  Serve.

You could also layer this in a tart shell or a pie shell and add fruit to the top like a little tart.

Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
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Colleen
I'm so lazy I would substitute "graham cracker" for "tart shell", spread a thick layer of this dip on it and embed blueberries, apple chunks, or banana slices in it, maybe a dusting of cinnamon on top.  Make two of them and it's a good snack with a glass of milk!
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
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gobsmacked_US
Purple, my d would eat nothing but fruit if I let her, so I understand your worry.

She keeps trying to have just fruit for her afternoon snack. When I say she can have fruit AND something else, she doesn't want the fruit at all.

If she has to gain weight, I would set some limits to how and when she can have it and add some other foods. I make a fruit smoothie, add it to her oatmeal, give her orange juice or a piece of fruit along side breakfast and/or lunch or snack. But it's always a small part of it.
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emilyshUK
Purple. I guess fruit is fine if it's not taking up the room that other more calorific foods could use. My D still has banana with cereal every morning and pears with cheese for lunch sometimes. When I noticed the cheese was wafer thin and there was no butter on the crackers I stepped in. Trust your instincts - theyve been spot on so far!
Sue Shepherd
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sinkorswim_usa
Colleen wrote:
I'm so lazy I would substitute "graham cracker" for "tart shell", spread a <STRONG>thick</STRONG> layer of this dip on it and embed blueberries, apple chunks, or banana slices in it, maybe a dusting of cinnamon on top.  Make two of them and it's a good snack with a glass of milk!


This is actually a great idea since the graham crust is crackers/sugar/butter and a bit higher cal than a pie type crust...
Sink or Swim
Pacific Northwest USA
-----------------
Anorexic Mom and 5 year old Anorexic daughter
Fighting ED together!
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Megan_Wales
Hi Purple Princess,
Not sure if it is the same thing but S has rationalised to herself that a bigger "less healthy" meal is ok if she adds lot of fruit or veg to it. So a baked potato with cheese and beans (scary cheese) is ok if it has carrots and broccoli, or spag bol with a salad is easier to eat than without.As long as she doesn't cut down portion size I don't mind atm.
My lovely daughter is 18 years old. After 6 months of inpatient treatment she is home, eating and generally happy. Proud member of the "Purple Bracelet Army"
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Purple_UK
Thank you all, very useful as usual!
All this amazing combined Ed experience and insight!
I have talked to D about the fruit issue.
She became a bit stroppy, but she can't see what's wrong with it as long as " she eats all the other crap I give her."
And she feels like Megans daughter does, scary food becomes less scary if you add something she perceives to be ultra healty to them.
ED stuff, yes, but at this stage I'm not sure it matters too much, as she's only just started to turn a corner mentally.
Although she's really struggled today, too much time to think.
Time to go back to school and normality me thinks.
Next weighing is Monday, be interesting, have really pushed it this week...

Purple 
Where there's a will there's a way.
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Ladybugs_Journey_CAN
My D enjoys fruit, too, and I was wondering about insisting on trading out fresh and frozen fruit for dried fruit and pie fillings.
- three teens and hubby all with special needs; blended family - D18 is Ladybug; fed at home for three months, then inpatient far away for three months. We lost nine family members in that same year including her step-mom,both grandfathers,four uncles - She now insists on living on own - family falling apart.
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