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HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #26 
Mec,
Thinking of you as you visit your daughter. Have a wonderful visit and I am praying that you see some continued slivers of hope. Heck, how about a dump truck of hope that she is becoming more and more self-aware and willing to get help. Happy Easter. 

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19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
mec

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Reply with quote  #27 
Thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers. 

We had a wonderful visit out west and with daughter. We feel both WAY more relieved and encouraged after the visit but also profoundly concerned about some issue. 

Good news:
  • she is in a safe environment with people who care about her. We met the new boyfriend (25), with whom she lives, and based on first and second impressions we like him as a person. We didn't meet his family but according to dd they are great people and his mother has taken her under her wing. 
  • We had an amazing vacation which we desperately needed. We saw daughter 4 times and did some fun things with her. It was like all times with much bantering and silliness between the siblings. We visited with extended family and friends. We created new memories with husband and 16 yo son by going to the Grand Canyon and other places. 
  • She says that she is not B&Ping anymore and I do believe her. 
Bad News:
  • Daughter desperately needs treatment (medication and treatment) for her bipolar disorder but right now she refuses to receive pharmacological or therapy treatment. She had lost my text with instructions about the airport and times that we arrived, had tried to contact us for hours while we were in the air and ended up going to the wrong airport. She is not used to big city traffic and it stresses her out. By the time she picked up us, she was in total emotional dis-regulation. We literally thought we would lose our lives in the highways of AZ. She drove in a manic state, weaving in and out of traffic, didn't see signs, barely avoided hitting other cars, yelled and flipped other drivers. We sat there in stunned silence barely breathing and paralyzed in fear for our lives. She wouldn't let her Dad drive. We had plans that night but she blew us off and we were a bit relieved to be away from her that night. By the next day, she had calmed down and we had a great time together. We drove our rental car for the rest of the trip. 
  • She has no goals, plans, dreams, or purpose for her life other than this guy and relationship. Even though she is safe at this time, if this relationship is over she will be unraveling again and who knows where she will go or what she will do next. 
  • The new boyfriend does not believe that she is bipolar or that she has issues. It frustrates daughter that he doesn't believe her. He thinks that together they can get through anything. He is anti-medication, which is a huge problem. He also wants to support her fully [he is trying to prove to us that he is capable of doing so] which puts us even further away from having any sort of leverage in terms of her treatment. I tried to breach the subject with him but there was no opportunity to do so when we saw him. Thankfully, we are in contact via text and I am looking for the opportunity to speak to him about her mental health state. 

On Friday, while we were flying back home, she fainted at work from a severe virus that had dehydrated her. She went to the Dr. and he told her that she didn't pass the concussion test. So, on top of everything else, she either hit her head again and got a new concussion or the old concussion - which is still a problem as she continues to do things that do not allow her to fully heal her brain - was triggered again.

So, overall, things are so much better than we thought in terms of her living and relationship situation and much worse than we thought in terms of her mental state. We keep pressing on..... 

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
mec

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Reply with quote  #28 
Thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers. 

We had a wonderful visit out west and with daughter. We feel both WAY more relieved and encouraged after the visit but also profoundly concerned about mental health issues. 

Good news:
  • she is in a safe environment with people who care about her. We met the new boyfriend (25), with whom she lives, and based on first and second impressions we like him as a person. We didn't meet his family but according to dd they are great people and his mother has taken her under her wing. 
  • We had an amazing vacation which we desperately needed. We saw daughter 4 times and did some fun things with her. It was like old times with much bantering and silliness between the siblings. We visited with extended family and friends. We created new memories with husband and 16 yo son by going to the Grand Canyon and other places. 
  • She says that she is not B&Ping anymore and I do believe her. 
Bad News:
  • Daughter desperately needs treatment (medication and therapy) for her bipolar disorder but right now she refuses to receive pharmacological or therapy treatment. She had lost my text with instructions about the airport and times that we arrived, had tried to contact us for hours while we were in the air and ended up going to the wrong airport. She is not used to big city traffic and it stresses her out. By the time she picked up us, she was in total emotional dis-regulation. We literally thought we would lose our lives in the highways of AZ. She drove in a manic state, weaving in and out of traffic, didn't see signs, barely avoided hitting other cars, yelled and flipped other drivers. We sat there in stunned silence barely breathing and paralyzed in fear for our lives. She wouldn't let her Dad drive. We had plans that night but she blew us off and we were a bit relieved to be away from her that night. By the next day, she had calmed down and we had a great time together. We drove our rental car for the rest of the trip. 
  • She has no goals, plans, dreams, or purpose for her life other than this guy and relationship. Even though she is safe at this time, if this relationship is over she will be unraveling again and who knows where she will go or what she will do next. 
  • The new boyfriend does not believe that she is bipolar or that she has issues. It frustrates daughter that he doesn't believe her. He thinks that together they can get through anything. He is anti-medication, which is a huge problem. He also wants to support her fully [he is trying to prove to us that he is capable of doing so] which puts us even further away from having any sort of leverage in terms of her treatment. I tried to breach the subject with him but there was no opportunity to do so when we saw him. I did hint via text that since she is so young (19), single and without a job with benefits, we saw it as our parental responsibility and duty to pay for her medical and mental  health care, so to please let us know how much was the medical bill so that we would pay it. He declined and told me that he had taken care of it. Thankfully, he really likes us, wants to please and we are in contact via text. I am looking for the opportunity to speak to him about her mental health state. 

On Friday, while we were flying back home, she fainted at work from a severe virus that had dehydrated her. She works at a pet rescue place and apparently got sick from taking care of sick puppies. She went to the Dr. and he told her that she had a bad virus and also that she didn't pass the concussion test. So, on top of everything else, she either hit her head again and got a new concussion or the old concussion - which is still a problem as she continues to do things that do not allow her to fully heal her brain - was triggered again. Because she doesn't think clearly, she went back to work yesterday while she still had massive diarrhea. {SIGH}. She is going to quit that job and get another one. This is the 7th job she has quit in 18 months. 

So, overall, things are so much better than we thought in terms of her living and relationship situation and much worse than we thought in terms of her mental state and her safety as a result of it. We keep pressing on.....

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
HateEDwithApassion

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Reply with quote  #29 
Mec,
Just got back from family vacation and read  your post from last week. I'm amazed that you can relay all this with such a love for your daughter but also a healthy disconnect, if you know what I mean. I'm guessing that is the place I will need to be in the next year or so as my D turns 18 and her choices and decisions truly become independent. 

I'm sorry to hear she's struggling with Bipolar. I find it so baffling that that disease - and many others - are so sly about convincing their hosts that they don't need help. That's got to be so frustrating. If she would give medication a try, she would probably feel so much better. I'm glad to hear she has a kind boyfriend, but yes - it would be invaluable if he could use his influence to help her do some of the things that could help her stabilize her mental health. I hope he begins to listen to you as you text with him.

Anyway, I really care about the updates you share. Hang in there. [smile]

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19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
trusttheprocessUSA

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Reply with quote  #30 
Mec - I've returned to ATDT and have read this post over and over. Thank you for all of your honesty and insight. Your perspective is very enlightening and practical for me. I will be reading this many times in the future.


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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #31 
Mec - I'm sorry I missed this update of yours.  I've been wondering how your d is doing and would love to hear, if you feel like it.

I joined an email group of parents of depressed kids.  It doesn't help me much because it's mainly parents of bipolar sufferers.  Maybe you'd like to give it a try?

Thinking of you. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mec

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Reply with quote  #32 
Update: DD came back from AZ in early May 2016. She went back to her psychiatrist and was finally treated properly for Bipolar Disorder. Psych disagreed with ADHD and Borderline DXs. She got married in July against all common sense to the same BF she left. She started college last fall and excelled in her studies. She got pregnant in Nov and is expecting a baby girl in August. Going to be a grandma!! The marriage was bad from the beginning and they separated in March. She's been living with us and will do so for the foreseeable future.

Mental health: DD did beautifully on her meds (a mood reg and something else). However, when she got PG neither her psych nor her GYN could advice her on the psychotropic meds. So she stopped taking them. By Late Jan she was falling apart and not able to function. I found a psychiatrist who is a prenatal, postpartum and ED specialist. She put DD in an IOP program at the hospital for a month and started her back on meds. It was the best thing that could have happened to her. She also had to withdraw from school because of medical reasons. She had great results mentally and emotionally. Her team recommended that she get out of her living situation and go to a safe and nurturing place. So, she moved back home with us.

ED has shown its ugly face on and off. As mentioned above she had B&P for about 2 years. Then she got her tonsils out last Sept and it triggered RAN. She lost 15 lbs and was well under her range. I saw all the restrictive orthorexic behaviors appear but she was living with her husband at the time so I didn't get involved. She found out she was PG in Dec and something clicked in her brain. She start eating to feed baby in a truly freeing and healthy way. She has not gone into binging but is by no means restricting. She's put on a lot of weight so I am holding my breath as to how she will react when she stops nursing and has the extra weight on her. But, no sense worrying about the future.

There's much uncertainty with the future of the marriage, our role as grandparents who will basically co-parent in our home, her schooling, etc. But, she's alive, she's stable, she's safe and nurtured in our home and there's so much hope for the future. Life is not how we envisioned it but it's SO much better than it was last year when we were dealing with potentially life threatening issues.

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #33 
OMG Mec! What a story!
quote
" I found a psychiatrist who is a prenatal, postpartum and ED specialist. She put DD in an IOP program at the hospital for a month and started her back on meds. It was the best thing that could have happened to her."
Wow, well done!!!!!!!

Really, I dont know what to say now, but I wish you all well on the next part of your journey,
One thing is certain Mec, there is a lot of HOPE here....I say that with a big smile for you all...
xxxxxxx

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Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #34 
You have been on a crazy coaster. Congratulations on becoming a grandma soon. It is great that you can see the pluses, despite all the issues that have been happening. Hopefully the next 12 months will see more of a move towards recovery. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #35 
Wishing you all well on the next leg of the journey!  There are positives in where your d is now, & it's great to hang onto those, & not worry too much about what may lie ahead.

Congrats on becoming a grandparent soon!  I expect that much like wanting to eat better to support new life, your d will be motivated by being a mom to move forward to strong recovery.

It is wonderful that she has an experienced psych on 'her team' who can help with meds and mood stabilization.

Wishing you all the best in future....

Warmly,
sk8r31



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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
mec

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Reply with quote  #36 
Besides her psychiatrist, she also sees a psychologist for counseling every other week. Both are part of her IOP so her treatment is seamless.

BTW, I didn't mention that I had a subarachnoid hemorrhage (brain bleed / hemorrhagic stroke) in February. Didn't lose motor or language function. I Was in critical care only for 10 days which is very short for my type of bleed. Have some loss of memory function and a number of concussion like symptoms. Have been out of work on medical leave and will start cognitive rehab T today.

It is difficult recovering from a brain injury with all the stress that we have going on but my husband works from home so he's a great support and I have a great psychologist I see twice a month.

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #37 
So sorry to read that mec,
I wish you a speedy recovery and peace and of course happiness....
Keep us posted xx

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Reply with quote  #38 
Sorry to hear that there has been even more on your plate. Wishing you a speedy recovery from that too. 
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
mjkz

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Reply with quote  #39 
Welcome back Mec and so glad to hear things are better with your daughter.  Lots of wishes for a speedy recovery.  That had to be scary.
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Reply with quote  #40 
My friend Mec so glad you see your post. So many challenges and you have come through them to the other side. Now a grand baby on the way. Life just keeps moving forward. I'm sorry to hear about your on health crisis and glad you are on the road to recovery. I know life is unpredictable and this illness is horrendous but I'm glad that you are on this journey along side me. You have been an inspiration to me for many years and I am grateful for you. Please keep us posted. 
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Son diagnosed @ 12.5 yrs old with Severe RAN 2/11. Co-morbids - anxiety, Active restriction for 3 months. He stopped eating completely 2x. He needed immediate, aggressive treatment from a provider who specialized in eating disorders, adolescents and males. We got that at Kartini Clinic. WR since 5/11. 2017 getting ready to graduate slipping lost 8lbs. Fighting our way back.
martican

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Reply with quote  #41 
Mec, I don't even know you, I am fairly new here but I read your whole story. I am so glad you keep finding a path towards betterment of your daughter whatever situation you find her in. It is amazing how we adjust but even Charles Darwin said : It is not the strongest species that survives but the one that adjusts to change. Wishing you some peace of mind, and enjoy the grand baby.[smile] 
mec

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Reply with quote  #42 
Thank you for your kind words, friends.

Honestly, my husband and I have reached a point where we've lost the terror of ED, of mental illness, of bad choices and their aftermath. We live and love and support and move forward. We've stopped losing sleep over what ifs and the future. It's the only way to live. Having a stroke (likely caused by vascular weakness due to long term costicosteroid use plus work related stress) has made me let go of a lot of things that I simply cannot control.

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #43 
Mec, Glad to read about all the positives (not so glad to read about the not-so-positives).  

I wonder if there is something about pregnancy hormones that "settles" the brain.  My mental health was never as good as when I was pregnant, and I noticed a pretty strong residual effect as though pregnancy reset my chemistry in some way.

Hope that is true for your d, too.

Thanks for the update.  Always great to hear from an old friend. xx

-Torie


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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
mec

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Reply with quote  #44 
Oh Torie,

From your fingers to God's ears. I do so hope you are right about PG resetting the brain! She's only 20 so she has about 4-6 more years before brain maturity. But, PG has certainly taken a large part of the focus from self to other. This has helped so much with her decision making process and even outlook on life.

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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
mec

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Reply with quote  #45 
Update: DD had the baby who is 8 months. She is precious and I am one smitten grandma. I am out of work as I am still in therapy for the stroke and unable to drive.

Dd is still separated from husband and she and baby live with us. She had a moderately complicated pregnancy, including mild pre-eclampsia which made her go from 125 lbs (pre-pregnancy) to 195 lbs by the delivery. She lost water weight pretty quickly but still had a good bit of PG weight left on her. She started out eating really well during breastfeeding but baby, unfortunately, takes after her grandma with multiple food intolerance. In babies this young it becomes a process of elimination. The first thing to go was dairy, then gluten, then soy. Baby's poop and her screaming at night with colic told us if she was intolerant to a food or not. She was tested and found to have a confirmed dairy allergy. My DD has never been able to drink cow's milk either.

Then, my DD started having allergies and intolerance to a bunch of foods. Prior to delivery she was allergic to mushrooms, eggs and cow's milk. If she ate too many bananas or PB her tongue got itchy. Anyway, DD with her obsessive personality and ED wiring became obsessed with healthy eating. She decided that ALL grains made her feel badly. She had a bad reaction to cashews, her throat started closing, so she gave up all nuts. Since then, she has tried Paleo, Keto, and the latest is AIP (Auto Immune Protocol). She is getting thinner every day. I think she is easily back at 125 lbs. Her set point and ideal body weight is at least 10-12 lbs above that. She is in full blown orthorexic mode but I think we are crossing into anorexic territory.

Now, this worries me terribly but I cannot do too much about it. She has a psychologist and a psychiatrist who are keeping an eye on things - though they are not proactive. We did agree that I would help her with meal planning and try to keep an eye on how much she's eating. The Ped told her that she needed to eat at least 2,500 calories to make rich milk for baby but I know there are days where she's lucky if she hits 1,500.

Other than supporting her, I cannot do too much more at this point. I cannot get into conflict about eating the way I did when she was younger. I had a brain bleed and for my safety need to keep stress to a minimum in my life. I don't have too much leverage because we will not put her out of the house, nor threaten to do that. If she were alone, we would do it without hesitation. But, we will not put this baby in a dangerous and unstable situation as they are both safe here at home.

Anyway, ED has never really gone away. My daughter tells me that she may have been w/r during her teen years, but was not recovered. She said that she has always suffered from body dysmorphia and has never independently eaten normally. She has gone public with her mental illness (Bipolar disorder) and announced that she considered herself fully recovered. But, she did admit to me two weeks ago that she is struggling with eating enough due to anxiety and stress in her estranged marriage. I asked her to let me help her with meal planning and cooking. She agreed BUT when she doesn't eat enough or doesn't eat what the plan says, she and I get into arguments and fights over food. I cannot do round 2 of ED with this adult with bipolar disorder and GAD.

She has her moments of insight, like tonight, when she said that she was really short on calories. But, she balked at two cassava patties "starches have zero nutritional value" [yes, I  have heard that before from her ED mind]. So, she made garbanzo flour pancakes (flour, water, salt) and ate 1.5 with salmon and announced she was full.

I don't even know why I am writing this. I am so sick of all of this and want it to go away.

#edsucks #mentalillnessucks




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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
Torie

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Reply with quote  #46 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mec
Other than supporting her, I cannot do too much more at this point. I cannot get into conflict about eating the way I did when she was younger. I had a brain bleed and for my safety need to keep stress to a minimum in my life. I don't have too much leverage because we will not put her out of the house, nor threaten to do that. If she were alone, we would do it without hesitation. But, we will not put this baby in a dangerous and unstable situation as they are both safe here at home.


Mec, you are doing the right thing.  You have to take care of yourself in order to be able to help your d and grandchild at all.  It is so very unfair that you are hit with this at a time you should be able to restfully restore you own health.  Ugh ugh ugh.

I'm so sorry for all the difficulty, but still very glad you posted.  I have been wondering how you were getting on.  Please stay in touch.

Hugs xx

-Torie

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Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #47 
Congratulations on that beautiful grandbaby. 

I am sorry that you could not give better news about your D. It has been a real struggle for you for many years, and it sounds as though the other mental health issues play right into ED hands. As Torie has said, it is essential you care for yourself and protect yourself from those stresses if possible. Your D does know that you have her back and that you are still there for her after many years. Take care!!

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Reply with quote  #48 
Hi,
sorry that you have so hard times at the moment and congratulations to the new family member!
Maybe it is an idea to stop breast-feeding of the baby in the next weeks? It takes so much power and calories and if she doesn´t eat enough for herself the baby might not get enough either. If she really want to continue that, can you ask her to drink one extra smoothie for the baby?
Tina72
mec

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Reply with quote  #49 
There’s no way she will stop BF. Her psychiatrist strongly encouraged her to not BF. But, she’s a crunchy mama who wants to BF baby until she weans herself. Baby won’t start solids until she’s 1 year. She won’t do anything food related just because I asked. But, this AM she had a much better breakfast than she’s had in the last few days. Baby is in the 96th tile for weight and height. She’s big! So, my argument about that is moot. I’m afraid babybis taking everything out of her.
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21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
tina72

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Reply with quote  #50 
Hi mec,
I was the same [biggrin] mama but I really regretted it later. I wanted to BF my d 9 months because of allergies in the family and then start to eat normal food. She was as big as your grandchild. The problem was my d was an AN kid (which I didn´t know then) and she was so used to BF that she didn´t want to have anything other. We had daily fights with eating from the first carrot and potatoe. In the end I BF her until she was 14 months old (BF only!) because she didn´t eat anything without big stress. A good midwife helped me then. She told me to stop BF from one day to another totally. I did this and my d ate nearly nothing for one week. Then she started eating normal food.
So I am a fan of BF, don´t get me wrong, but I think it is not good to do it too long. To start solids after 1 year might not be good for the teeth either.
Does she still have a midwife or a good pediatrician you can get into the boat to tell her to slowly stop that now?
Great that she had a better breakfast today, hope that is going on.
Tina72
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