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Cazerella

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Hi everyone,
My 10 year old daughter has been diagnosed this week with anorexia. She has always been slim and the weight loss and behaviours have only been apparent since returning to school in August. She received a diagnosis of ADHD in June. I think we have caught it fairly early but who knows with this monster. This week has been awful. Knowing how long the journey may be us overwhelming.

My daughter vomits after everything she eats, it seems she uses juice or water to help. For weeks it seemed like she had no control over this vomiting but now it appears otherwise. Her other symptoms included over exercise, trying to control what goes into food etc, she was baking cakes etc but not eating them.

She is withdrawn, we have always been a close cuddly family, now she won't even let me place my hand on her. It is breaking my heart.

She has lulled me into false sense of security but now I know not to be drawn in. This ED is bike and I hope we have strength to beat it.

We have been seen by the intensive treatment team and will see a consultant this week coming. She was very ill last week, blood pressure 80/40;and her pulse was only 50. But her bloods were ok. They have warned us about refeeding syndrome. I am not allowing fluids till one hour after food. We are deciding all meals. We are closing down bargaining conversation which then leads her to trying to exercise. I stay with her after meals trying to distract her. I hope to God she puts on weight this week. She hasn't moved her bowels for over a week.

How do I stop crying?Everyone I look at her or see her becoming distressed by this monster it breaks me. I want my little girl back. Any advice regarding vomiting would be appreciated. She is also allergic to cows protein which complicates things. Sorry for long post, so much has happened. I am so glad they told me about you guys.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Cazerella, and welcome.  I'm so very sorry you needed to join us here.  It sounds like you have been given good advice already and have taken excellent steps to control the vomiting and get the weight back on. 

You asked how to stop crying.  I don't think you can, and anyway, people cry for a reason.  Please don't feel bad about crying.  If at all possible, though, please try not to let your d see you crying.  This vile illness is a master at exploiting any perceived weakness so the more strength you can project, the better.  We call this "fake it til you make it."  

There is an old thread about younger sufferers - I'll try to find it for you.  Mamabear and Yogurtparfait are two forum members whose young d's were dragged down the rabbit hole at an early age.  There are many others.  My impression (anecdotal of course) from being on the forum for 4 1/2 years is that the prognosis is very good with FBT for these young ones, although I think it must be especially heartbreaking to be faced with this when your child is still so young.

Please tell us a little more about your journey so we can help.  And please feel free to ask all the questions you like.  I'll go try to find that thread. 

Editing to say, here it is:

https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/support-group-for-parents-of-young-adolescents-and-children-was-for-those-under-13-6228587?&trail=25#gsc.tab=0

xx

-Torie

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mimi321

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Hi Cazarella,

my D was 11 when diagnosed back in May, although we began refeeding her in March, but not really with any traction until May when we finally figured everything out. She if doing well now, finally weight restored and back in school, we are still very mindful of course, but completely different from the hellish early days. All of these symptoms will improve over time with weight restoration, just the path to getting there is super challenging. Your little girl is still in there and she will return, but you have to fight for her no matter how much she fights you. You probably already know this. Finding this forum is definitely a good start to hit the ground running and to get help and encouragement along the way. 

Yes, when you get time to yourself at the end of the evening have yourself a good cry and get it all out. It will help to relieve some of your tension and sadness.

She is allergic to cow protein, does that mean she can't drink milk, cream, butter or cheese? Can she eat lactose-free? Canola oil is a good non-dairy fat to add to foods that has little to no taste. 

One of the first rules you will need to establish is keeping her out of the kitchen when preparing food. Sometimes I prepared things at night so I wouldn't be peering over my shoulder the next day to see if she was coming to check, it helped make it less stressful. If she asks what is in something you can tell her only what her body needs and that it is safe for her to eat. Maybe someone can entertain her when you are in the kitchen.

This is all very overwhelming right now and you probably feel like you are in a tailspin. One step and one day at a time and you will get there, you have already made a lot of great changes already. Keep checking in and we will help you however we can. xx mimi321

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Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
Cazerella

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Thank you for replying and linking the article. The CPN have me the name of this forum and other resources.

At least once a day she becomes very distressed and says she can't trust me. I am building up a bank of distractions to try and help . She is even trying to hurt herself using her nails to break her skin. She is understandably angry that she has one of with her most of the time.

Thank you
mimi321

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Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
mimi321

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Reply with quote  #6 
My D12 used to do that, too. As I understand it, it is a release of tension or a way of coping with intense anxiety. I'm not sure how others dealt with it but in my reading it said not to show distress over it. I would simply step in, for example, if she were banging her head and I would hold or block her, if she was poking herself with something I would remove that sharp object. You may want to keep sharp objects out or reach for now as in a moment of distress they could grab something. 
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Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
tina72

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cazerella
Thank you for replying and linking the article. The CPN have me the name of this forum and other resources.

At least once a day she becomes very distressed and says she can't trust me. I am building up a bank of distractions to try and help . She is even trying to hurt herself using her nails to break her skin. She is understandably angry that she has one of with her most of the time.

Thank you


A very warm welcome from Germany and great that you found us here. You will get a lot of help here, this forum saved our life. My d was diagnosed 1,5 years ago at age 17 and is a happy young woman now. So do not lose hope, you can help her to get out of that and we can help you to learn how.

Self harm is very popular with EDs. Try to avoid it by keeping her nails short and to put away all sharp things. Think about locking doors and windows in case that she might try to escape. Some kids here tried to escape from the window in upper levels. Some tried to jump out of the driving car (so lock car doors again for some time, also).

What helped my d for getting rid of all that anger and pain (and that was the cause for self harm here) was a punching bag. It helped her to not put the anger against herself after she has eaten something and she felt like she is guilty for that. It helped me also [wink]

Tina72

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d off to University now 22 months after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #8 
I too welcome you here. My d was 11 at diagnosis. She stood all the time. I know how scared you are. How is her weight now? Keep feeding. Look up magic plate. Toothfairy has a lovely post on what to do. I hope she will be here soon with it. I am at a conference and typing in the phone so it is hard for me to look it up easily. Look up high calories threads and feed her. You are in control not ED.
Tolerating her distress is hard. There is another thread around about that too. Try to be calm in front of her and cry when you are alone.we all cried at what our kids are going through, it is so sad. We are here to tell you it does get better.
Also labs are not helpful. Orthostatic blood pressure and heart rate is a better measure of medical stability. You will need to reframe how you parent. It is a paradigm shift for many of us. Keep reading and asking questions.
We all do want to help.
XXX
Food+more food +time +love +good professional help+aTDT+ no exercise=healing—->recover(—->life without Ed)

scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #9 
Just a question is she really allergic to milk or is that an ED issue? A lot of kids say the don’t want or cannot tolerate a certain food as a way to restrict etc... just checking.
XXX
Cazerella

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Reply with quote  #10 
She was diagnosed over a year ago with cows protein intolerance . It wasn't her idea to stop it but the specialist that we saw . Her symptoms were vomiting but back then she was eating fully.

Her weight is very low last weight her BMI was only 12. She is 26kg and a tall girl at 150 cm. She is so emaciated.

Due to see consultant early next week and CPN coming again Tuesday.
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #11 
Can we help you get more calories in? What is she able to eat? You can add calories to what she is eating. There is a thread by Torie that discusses complain benecalorie etc to get more calories in.
I did not have issues with vomiting sorry so I cannot advise. More people will chime in soon.
Keep asking questions we really want to help.
There is good evidence that the younger kids do have a good recovery rate.
XXX
Mcmum

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Reply with quote  #12 
Hello Cazerella. It's great that you were told about this site as there is a lot of support and understanding on here 24 hours a day if necessary. I'm so sorry to hear about your d. Our son was diagnosed this summer aged 9 though we knew he had an ed before this and had started refeeding. It's hard, really hard. We too had hitting, screaming, "I hate you", "I want to die", rolling around on the floor, thumping his own head and body checking all of the time and it is unbearable to live with but I promise you that with time and food and specific advice from the people on here, it does get better and your child comes back.
The young ones are susceptible to this vile illness too but they can mend and become themselves again and your d will too. Keep asking for help. Everything you need is here xx
toothfairy

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hi Cazerella,
I am so sorry, your D sounds very ill.
BMI 12 is very serious, usually a bmi so low warrants hospitalisation.
I would stay with her 24/7 at that bmi, her organs are likely severely compromised.
The purging makes it even more dangerous.
This illness has a high mortality rate, the same as childhood cancer.
What country are you in?
Here is a copy of the AED guidelines.
http://www.nyeatingdisorders.org/pdf/AED%20Medical%20Management%20Guide%203rd%20Edition.pdf
I advise you to read through & mark out the tests & keep them with you.
Honestly, Knowing what I know now 3 years into my own journey, my advice is to take your D to ER or A&E now & insist she is admitted until she is medically stable.

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scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #14 
Toothfairy is right. Please get her assessed urgently.
teecee

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi Cazerella
Oh my love I am so sorry you find yourself here. Please don’t worry about the crying. I sobbed my heart out in the early days of refeeding and then would burst in to tears without warning. In fact today I became tearful when asked about my Ds exam results as even though she got 7A* and 2As it really upset me. Normal parents would be happy but I see the fact that she is academically bright has made her susceptible to this vile illness and I found myself wishing she was just an average student...bizzare I know.
I looked back at the crying all the time as if it were grief. I was grieving for my child’s lost normal childhood. Fortunately I moved through the stages of grief and didn’t get stuck and now I’m accepting. In time you will move through the process. I think practically having to deal with this makes us do that.
I can’t advise you re vomiting but we had other things like compulsive exercise and suicidal thoughts...all symptoms really do melt away with food as food is the medicine - amazing but true.
I’m sending you virtual hugs and strength for you to wear the big girl pants we all needed to put on to fight on behalf of our children. I know you will because you love her so much. Your little girl needs you to wear them and beat the vile illness out of your house.
Xxxx
Mcmum

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Crying: did it a lot, often in secret but to be honest, my s was so obsessed with feeling fat that I could just turn my head away from him and blubber and he didn't even notice! Took anti depressants too which helped. All bets are off with an ed. I reckon we just have to do what we have to do. You might not feel like you are surviving but you are. My son's bmi was 12 too by the way. The little ones lose weight fast and don't have much in the way of fat reserves. I would take the tooth fairy's advice though. Sending warm wishes to you. This is survivable I promise xx
tammy

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Reply with quote  #17 
Cazarella. My heart goes out to you. This time last year I was crying all of the time. My eight year old son was barely eating, very distressed, throwing constant, violent temper tantrums and wanting to die.
Tonight I commented to my husband that we are worlds away from last year. Sitting relaxed watching X factor after he had chilli, tacos and nachos for dinner in front of a friend!
Your life will return. The very young seem to recover quicker. Plenty of loving support from you and of course as many hidden calories as possible. I added butter, oil, cream where possible. Full fat milk and smoothies loaded with ice cream helped us.
Eva Musbys book helped us with re feeding and also in understanding the turmoil he must be going though.

Good luck.

Xx
mimi321

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Reply with quote  #18 
I have to second what toothfairy said about her bmi and need to be evaluated and under medical care urgently. Young ones can deteriorate very quickly just by virtue of their small size.
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Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
hopenz

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Reply with quote  #19 
Hello Cazarella, and welcome from me too.  I'm so sorry you have to be here, but so glad you found this community of wise, kind, generous warrior parents.

I remember that dreadful feeling of being overwhelmed by how long the journey back to good health was likely to take.  When my d, then 13, was diagnosed 18 months ago, everything I read made me dread the years ahead.  I want to reassure you, though, that you're in the very worst part of this journey right now.  Take heart.  It sounds as if you have good medical people giving you support and good advice (they recommended this forum didn't they?!).  With the help of them, and us, and your love for your d, you will make progress, your lovely d will come back to you, and you will learn how to deal with ED.  At various points, you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come.

I echo what others have said about getting your d checked out medically straight away.  

What else can we help you with right now?  

Warmly
Hope
Torie

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I agree with toothfairy that your d sounds dangerously ill.  I urge you not to wait, but to take her to A&E asap and insist that she be admitted.  Such a low weight puts too much strain on her heart.  It's really important that she start gaining weight right away, but at such a low weight, she should be monitored carefully and continuously by professionals - it's good they warned you about refeeding syndrome, but really, getting her through the dangers of refeeding at this BMI is not something I would feel comfortable trying to do at home.

I'm so sorry to say this - I know it is a traumatic idea to think of your young d in hospital, but honestly, I do think it is the only safe place for her right now.  

Toothfairy, it says she is in the UK. 

Cazerella, please keep us posted.  We will all be thinking of you. xx

-Torie

Quote:
Originally Posted by toothfairy
Hi Cazerella,
I am so sorry, your D sounds very ill.
BMI 12 is very serious, usually a bmi so low warrants hospitalisation.
I would stay with her 24/7 at that bmi, her organs are likely severely compromised.
The purging makes it even more dangerous.
This illness has a high mortality rate, the same as childhood cancer.
What country are you in?
Here is a copy of the AED guidelines.
http://www.nyeatingdisorders.org/pdf/AED%20Medical%20Management%20Guide%203rd%20Edition.pdf
I advise you to read through & mark out the tests & keep them with you.
Honestly, Knowing what I know now 3 years into my own journey, my advice is to take your D to ER or A&E now & insist she is admitted until she is medically stable.

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
debra18

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Reply with quote  #21 
My daughter was 11 when she became ill last year. She was also thin and lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. She now has gained all the weight back she lost plus 15 more pounds . She also would bite her fingers until they started bleeding when she was anxious. One time she asked me how she got those cuts and I said she was doing it to herself and she never did it again. She had all of the behaviors you describe and is now so much better . Your daughter needs you to feed her 6 times a day every day, and to give her a lot of love and support.
debra18

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Reply with quote  #22 
I also was crying all of the time at the beginning. Actually my daughter seeing me cry is what got her to eat. She realized she was doing something terribly wrong by not eating . You have to find what will motivate your daughter to eat and you need a lot of distractions.
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #23 
Welcome to the forum. 

Your D does sound very ill. It sounds as though she has been medically assessed but may also be on the edge of  medical instability? 

One of the hardest things for us as parents with eating disorders is to manage our own distress and tolerate that of our children. We are used to responding to their distress from the time they are babies but with this illness one of the things we learn is that we cannot always fix that distress, and they  have to learn to cope with it. The video above is excellent and particularly is useful for working with a younger child. Older children are much less likely to trust  their parents know what to do.   You know what foods she needs to eat from her diet prior to her eating disorder. That needs to be increased with an emphasis on fats which are much more calorie dense. 

Was she started on medications at her ADHD diagnosis? Have they contributed to her weight loss?

At the moment practicing life stops until you eat calmly and firmly is your D's best step forward. Being pragmatic that if she needs admission to hospital that is OK too. She has a life threatening illness. 

It is normal to cry with this illness as parents. It is a terrifying diagnosis. At the same time take hope that this is treatable and you are the best source for her recovery, full nutrition every day, no matter what it takes is the most important and very necessary treatment she needs. Some kids get better just with food, others don't. I would aim not to let  your daughter see you cry at the moment. She needs to know that you are bigger, stronger and braver than her eating disorder.

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Cazerella

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Reply with quote  #24 
Hi all,

She has been to Emergency Department already. I am in Scotland. I am an emergency department nurse with adults. Seeing Dr and nurse again in the next couple of days.
I am bolusing water out with mealtimes (she uses fluid with meals to vomit). She is only eating 3 meals at the moment as advised by the medics.
Her pulse is much better this morning, and by using small boluses throughout the day we have vastly reduced the vomiting to barely nothing and increased the amount of fluid.

I am really worried with this dairy allergy how we are going to increase calories. I'll try find that thread you recommended.

Is there any tips to help her with the discomfort of bloating?

Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #25 
Unfortunately the only treatment for the bloating that works is continuing to feed and heat packs. Not too much fibre-  will fill her up and add gas.  There are lots of other high calorie options  other than dairy. Whatever you have been feeding her can have other oils added - canola, olive oil, coconut oil etc. Try this thread with its subthread suggestions for starters  https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/high-calorielow-volume-foods-or-recipes-6728108#gsc.tab=0
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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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