F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Sotired
He sits in the chair
He is inside
But outside
And he tells me always
That I am wrong.

He is not a person
Just a voice
Not an opinion
But a shadow
He lives behind her eyes
And inside her brain.

When she sits in the chair
She loves me
And knows that I love her
She cries because he hurts her
And yet she cannot let him go.

He is the darkness
Hearing nothing he cannot twist,
He lies to me,swears at me,
Hurts me.
When he is in control
She has no light
Except mine.

My heart has to look for her,
My hand has to reach for hers,
My strength has to be there for her.
I walk this path with her,
Shining light wherever I can
To chase his darkness away.

One day he will be defeated
She will sit alone in her chair
Until then I must sit with her
So that she knows
I will ALWAYS be there.
Sotired42
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crs098
Beautiful . . I am crying now . .  [bawl]
I am going to show this to my d when I visit her in hospital today . .
Mother of a 24 yr old d with AN, finally actually eating something  - after 2 near-fatal collapses in 7 months in 2015 . . she has recovered from losing the use of her legs (through the excessive use of diet and zero drinks)  &  was doing Ok with the recovery process . . but back-sliding with restricting and b/p behaviours at the moment
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Sotired
Thank you.our children mean so much to us,more than they will ever know.i hope your daughter can shine a light for herself one day,until then you are her hand to hold.kind wishes,
Sotired42
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JustFlippinEatItNZ
Beautiful
19yo D, AN since Sept 2014. Was wt restored for a year or two but now starving again, refusing treatment or to admit she has a problem. BMI guesstimate around 13 or 14. Has left home.
Very sad Mum.
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1Gorgeousgirl
So so beautiful x
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Calm_USA
Absolutely beautiful
Mom of a 19 yr old. RAN diagnosed 1/2014. Residential, PHP, IOP. W/R since late summer 2014. Now in remission and thriving in her second year at university. My Faith remains.
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Sotired
Thanks rerbon,gorgeous girl and calm.
I wrote this yesterday after therapy for my h and myself.its the first time I've been able to successfully see how to put what I feel together in the medium that I use to make sense of my world.normally I never show what I write but for the first time I thought I might.and if it helps someone in some tiny way,that makes me happy.took me a long time to separate him from her with any success.
Sotired42
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K63
Hi sotired, thanks for posting this poem,powerful words I just had a rough evening with my d and her ed voice talking to me and I felt I can't handle this but as I read the poem I realise again how tormented our children/ adults are from this voice.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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PuddleduckNZ
This is really touching and tearjerky. [bawl]

Keep fighting ED x





Son 9yrs when he became unwell 2013, ED slide from April 2014, dx at 10yrs July 2014, 2 hospitalisations - dx so many times Behavioural Anorexia, EDNOS, ARFID. FBT from August 2014. Anxiety, Emetophobia. 13.5yrs old now! In recovery, gets better every day with constant vigilance, life returns.
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Sotired
Just wondered if this would help people new to the journey...
Sotired42
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deenl
Tears in my eyes. You truly have a gift that speaks to my heart.

Thank you,
D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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berry75
I just gave my girl a kiss and reminded her how much I love her. Sometimes this illness makes you forget.That poem made me cry,but in a good way.We support our kids everyday but sometimes I forget empathy.
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spring
Beautiful.  Tears are streaming down my face.

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ed_newbie
Sotired, thank you. Beautiful.

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  

ed_newbie

15 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and pushing our way through puberty and rapid growth.
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sunnyday
Indeed very powerful and brings tears to my eyes.  Thank you for posting.  Keeping this handy to read on those really difficult days when I want to give up....gives me strength to keep on....
Daughter diagnosed 2010 (9th grade) with AN/Binge/Purge.  D. had brewing ED thoughts as early as 4th grade. Constant battle with ED from 2010-present.  Co-morbid anxiety & depression & suicidal thoughts & self-harm.  Most recently in intense DBT/ED program outpatient . Weight restored but not happy about it.
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isoharmony
Yes, indeed...beautiful, SoTired! Keep on shining light into the dark places!
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mjkz
Amen Sister.
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Sotired
Thanks everyone.glad the poem helped a bit.
Sotired42
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