F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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WorriedMum68
Hi everyone

I am trying to stop my 15yr old AN daughter from chipmunking and disposing of food, something which has been increasing recently. When she has finished her meal she gets up and refuses to show us her mouth so we can check it is empty, and if we touch her at all to stop her leaving the room she wells up with rage almost instantly.

We have had a couple of awful rages over the last two days, food everywhere and things thrown and broken, but still have not managed to stop her keeping a bit of food in her mouth, or hiding it on her. Does anyone have any ideas how we should handle this? I have read many posts about these rages so have tried to prepare for them, but I am not sure how effective we are being. She is so full of hate for us at the moment, returning gifts and writing horrible notes, we are obviously challenging ED but are we making progress?

This feels like a permanent nightmare we are in, just desparate for a positive sigh.

Thanks

WM68
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deetz
This is very common and unfortunately, we had to turn sort of prison warden. She could only eat in short sleeves, no pockets, lift up her shirt to show us her waistband and that there was nothing in there. Don't let her leave the table until she can sing a song to make sure the food is gone. One thing to remember is that they do feel guilty and embarrassed doing it, so that's a big part of where the rage is coming from.
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WorriedMum68
Thanks for that, deetz. I always have a plan in my mind with how to deal with things, but it’s easier said than done with a raging 15 year old....shall have a go with your suggestions.

WM
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tina72
Some parents have a room for meals that has only a table and the chairs. Some parents asked to change clothes so she cannot hide food in there.

Put away EVERYTHING that can be thrown or used to hurt somebody.
If she refuses to show her empty mouth or sing a song or something else that can proof the food is down she cannot get up from the table. If that means she sits until the next meal/snack is served that is her decision. Lock the doors if needed. You need to show her that you have more power than ED. Have another adult there for meals if possible.

Another idea is to tell her that if she does not show her empty mouth you will think that she did hide food and you will add that hidden food to her next meal/snack so that it is her choice to show it or to eat more with the next meal. In our case it was enough just to announce that I will add it to the next meal.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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WorriedMum68
Thanks for the good advice, Tina, I always appreciate your helpful replies.

Best wishes

WM68
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tina72
I know it is easier said than done at that age. Remember it is not her that does it but ED. You need to close those loopholes or ED will use them.
Keep swimming. It really gets better.

Another idea, can you ask her to drink a small glass or water after the meals? It is really hard to keep something in the mouth AND drink.
What we also did is ask our d to clean her teeth after lunch.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
It sounds like you are really challenging ED at the moment. If she is raging then it sounds as though she/ED does have something to hide. 

Some parents have successfully managed to rearrange the room and furniture so that their child is eating in a corner, making it much harder for them to get up and move away. Drinking at the end of the meal is also a great idea. 

Another option to work at is to keep her at the table after she has finished for some "relaxation" or activities that make it much harder for her to chipmunk. Story telling? Singing a song? Even counting may help make it much harder for her to keep doing this. 

My D did this too. It was always ridiculous because the amount of food she could store without it being really obvious was pretty small. Still she felt compelled to do it. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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WorriedMum68
Tina and Foodsupport _Aus, I think that a drink at the end of the meal would be a good solution, thank you both. I agree that her ED has been getting away with a bit too much recently, she is so adept at making food disappear.

WM68
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Torie
You have already gotten some great ideas.  I would just add that I always required my d to use the bathroom before each meal so that she could stay with me for at least an hour afterwards.  I wonder if that would help with the chipmonking, too. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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scaredmom

deetz wrote:
This is very common and unfortunately, we had to turn sort of prison warden. She could only eat in short sleeves, no pockets, lift up her shirt to show us her waistband and that there was nothing in there. Don't let her leave the table until she can sing a song to make sure the food is gone. One thing to remember is that they do feel guilty and embarrassed doing it, so that's a big part of where the rage is coming from.


I agree that no long sleeves, no pockets are important. I cannot recall if your D, WM68 was that one hiding food in her shirt? You may need to require her to eat in her underwear/bathing suit? Then you WILL find the food and she cannot hide it. Or if you just mention eating in her underwear, that may be enough to show ED you are serious.
The rules RE pockets, hoodies,  were told to us in hospital and D knew we would implement at home. Easier said than done as with all ED treatment. 

But you are thinking about this so clearly. We say it over and over here, this is NOT normal parenting. It takes so much creativity, resolve, strength,and flexibility at any given moment of every day. It is not just exhausting it is mind boggling, what we do.
Sending you a big hug.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
scaredmom wrote:
You may need to require her to eat in her underwear/bathing suit? Then you WILL find the food and she cannot hide it.



I like the idea of eating in the swim suit, scaredmom, as that is the last thing they want to wear normally at that state. That might make her think twice if she really wants to hide food...
At bit hard here in Europe in winter now [wink]. You will need to eat in the sauna...
Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
tina72 wrote:



 That might make her think twice if she really wants to hide food...
At bit hard here in Europe in winter now [wink]. You will need to eat in the sauna...
Tina72


I guess that is the point Tina,[biggrin] The sauna sounds so nice, on this cold day here.[smile]
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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WorriedMum68
Thanks everyone who has replied, you have given me some good ideas. Dinner is over now and it went ok, hardly any food in her cheeks at the end after her Dad had a talk with her, but I had some water ready if needed.

Thanks too for your big hug scaredmom, that’s something I really need at the moment and a virtual one is very welcome!

Best wishes to you all

WM68
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mjkz
Great ideas.  My daughter had a short sleeve shirt that she wore with no bra to eat in. The dining room was set up with her in the corner and nothing else in the room (aside from the table and chairs).  No napkins could be taken from the room and she had to drink something before she left the room.  Also she had to sit out for an hour after meals so if I suspected she had food in her cheeks, it was gone after that hour.
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deenl
Once we found our son hiding and disposing of food, we had the excuse to say "You need to eat all your meal. We see that the temptation to hide food is very very strong. In order to keep you safe we will pat you down and search your pockets before you can leave" - all in a calm warm, matter of fact tone. Mood was nasty for the first few days but much sooner than I expected it turned to a resigned "suppose you want to check" and pulling out his own pockets to reminding me if I forgot! HE wanted me to set strong boundaries against the ED.

Hang in there

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Pastelgoddess

This could just be a sort of rejection phase. If she has been going through this for some time, then it might just be sort of a habit. She rejects the thought or action of actually having to eat food. I suggest therapy, though I'm no doctor. If therapy doesn't work out try to find the root of her ED.
Xoxo
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