F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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strawdog
Hi - just wanted to say d had her first weigh in today and had gained 2.5 llbs ! A big thankyou to all on here who have helped over the last week with calorie tips and recipe ideas and for your general help and guidance - really wouldn't had this success without you! We still have a long journey ahead I know and next week may not be so big a jump but it's a great start. Thanks again.
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Ocras68
Yay, you did it, well done!  It is a great start and now you can keep pushing in the same direction.  
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mimi321
Oh yeah, oh yeah! 🕺🏻🎶 Well done! 👍
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
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strawdog
Yes we’re pleased. Thought she would be happier this evening but the thought of all the fear foods she has still yet to conquer and an increased evening food schedule is causing much anxiety. Still a long way to go but last week already seems like an eternity! 
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Suzanne
So awesome!  It really feels successful as a caregiver!!!
I loved a peace of advice I got here early on.  Mark your calendar to see the emotional progress. It happens slowly. And sometimes hard to see. For example: red=bad day or 1/2 bad day; yellow=ok; green=good. 
We are finally having more ok days than bad. Hard to see sometimes...( and for us, today is a  bad one, but tomorrow might just be a good one!!)
And, keep going!!!  
love and light,
suzanne 
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tina72
strawdog wrote:
Yes we’re pleased. Thought she would be happier this evening but the thought of all the fear foods she has still yet to conquer and an increased evening food schedule is causing much anxiety. Still a long way to go but last week already seems like an eternity! 


For she that is not a victory, her ED thoughts in her head will blame her now for the weight gain. Better not to tell anything about it. Try to make high 5 with your wife when she does not see it.

Congrats for your good work! ED can go and die now!
strawdog: 1             ED: 0

Keep going and you will get your d back!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Well done!
It is common with the weight gain and more eating and on stressful days like appointment days, you may get a bit of a backlash. Just push through. 

Great job!!
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Congratulations! That is a great start. I agree with Tina though, this is a private victory. Even if your D is aware of the gain it is important to remain neutral and matter of fact about things. Her ED will see things very differently and appearing happy about it will only cause her more distress rather than less. If she doesn't know you can just say things are going OK. A lot of kids finding out they have gained weight particularly in early days feel the need to punish themselves. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Ronson
Well done - fantastic news.  
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cm72
That is great! Remember, you will have incredible days and really bad days. But the outcome is all worth it. Please keep us informed on how it's going.
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strawdog
cm72 wrote:
That is great! Remember, you will have incredible days and really bad days. But the outcome is all worth it. Please keep us informed on how it's going.


How true. Today is one of those really bays 🙁 Yesterday we seemed to be making so much progress but by the evening d was at a very low ebb. We had made an effort not to high 5 each other after we found out she had put on some good weight but I guess it was hard for her to accept. This morning she left a journal she had started last night open on her bedside table - obviously a cry for help. In it she describes how she has never felt as low as she does now - how she wants to take her body back to how it was. How the more days that go by the more she actually doesn't want to eat. How she feels sick at the thought of getting up and carrying on. Hates her body more than ever etc etc. In a way it is good to know exactly how she feels but also it has taken us down to rock bottom that we aren't progressing and ED has a firm grip 🙁 

I know it's not a quick fix but please tell me that FBT does work - she just feels she is getting no help to cope with it - that it's just strangling her and taking away her life.
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scaredmom
It works for many but it is not a magic wand. What she and you are experiencing is normal and although it is hard hard work, it does get better.
it has only been a week and it feels and eternity. We all understand that. 
Many of us, while in the throes of refeeding did not realize how long ED has been present. 
It may help to reframe that ED was strangling the life out of her, literally. I know it feels so uncomfortable right now for everyone. And there is a distress tolerance list floating around that is helpful. It helped me greatly to understand that d had to have these awful feelings, and so did we, before things got better. It is the process of pulling ED out of her. I hope that makes sense.
You have done well and this is just a bad moment. 
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mimi321
This is completely normal, weigh-in days were the absolute worst day of the week here, ED thoughts really ramped up. Then it would ebb again until next weigh-in, all throughout wr period. Even now almost six months post wr, although the stress is gone for weigh-ins and no longer ruins her day, my D does not talk to or acknowledge the doctor. You just have to kind of brace yourself, and many found no new food challenges best on that day, just maintain the progress you made, and pick up again the next day.
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
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Frazzled
Things will get worse before they get better. This is actually a good sign. When you see the beast then you know you are doing a good job.  My D would cry for hours when we first started and told me she didn’t want to live anymore and she wished she was never born. She would tell me she was fat and she was happier before. It was almost like she was mourning the ED past when it had full control. I had food all over me, the walls and the floor. It seems like you are torturing them but you are only torturing the ED. Just keep going! You are doing great so far. Things will get better. It took 4 weeks before my D fell into a routine and gave up trying to change my mind and accepted the new routine. It’s different for everyone though. Everyone would tell me the only way out is through and they were right. It’s just very hard on us as parents getting there. I had many doubts along the way but kept pushing through and it’s much better on the other side! This part doesn’t last forever. I had and continue to have my D blind weighed. Until brain healing is completed I really didn’t see the benefit to letting my D see her weight. We tried at first and she had major anxiety and fought us even more so we stopped. Just do what works for you guys! Keep up the good work! 
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Ellesmum
You are doing great and it is quite normal for ED to be severely rattled by gain. Thing is, this illness is not like a broken leg where strength returning is great news to the patient or like cancer where a remission is cause for the sufferer to celebrate. It is quite different because they feel the ED is their friend and they don’t want to lose this friend. 

As time goes on and her healing begins she’ll come to see that freedom from ED is to be desired although it will try to cling on like a monster.  You are at the beginning and it is a long road with twists and turns to be expected. You’ve made a great start, keep going and keep reading and asking.  Above all keep feeding.
Ellesmum
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tina72
 All she writes is completely normal and could have been written by my d 2 years ago.
It is no sign that FBT does not work, it is a sign that it works. We say here if you see the flak you are over the target. If you are fought back that is a sign that you are doing something RIGHT.
So keep going! You see with the weight gain that it works.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ronson
Have you thought about blind weighing - we do that and it has taken away the stress of weigh in day 
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strawdog
Thanks for all the great support as always! And guess what - we had a really good dinner this evening! It’s almost like she needs to take herself to a dark place to pull herself together and move on. 
Ronson - yes we did blind weigh her with the nurse but the CAMHs team put pressure on us to be honest with d about it. We just wanted to say she was making good pressure. In the end she doesn’t actually know how much she put on but it was clear it was more than the expected which was enough for her to know.
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tina72
Blind weighing means not to tell them anything, no number, no sign if they have gained, nothing. Do not let the team put pressure on you, you are the captain, you are in charge. Do not tell her anything until she is proper WR (and then she might not even be interested in her weight as my d is).
I have a poker face after weighing now and so does the nurse.

Great that you had an almost normal dinner yesterday! Mark your calendar! That is progress.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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